Monday, April 21, 2008

All Sued Up and No Place to RP

Mary Sue on board! This one in from an rpg that is based on a made up highschool where all the kids have magical/mutant powers. It's more like an X-Men universe than a Harry Potter universe but the same general idiocy prevails.
First Name: Kryssa
Last name: Maxwell
Again... this can't all be done in one line that reads Full Name? I guess I should forgive them and start my Mary Sue database.
Age: 16
Gender: Girl
She's a young girl frought with Mary Sue-ness. Brace yourself for this next bit of crap.
Power Description:
1. Kryssa can read people’s minds. This is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not. She can tell if someone is going to pull a prank or something like that, but it makes it harder for her to have a boyfriend, because she can read his mind and tell if he is cheating on her, or even what it is he wants from her. (Some people’s thoughts scare her…)
This RPG allows every member three powers and nearly all of them list mind reading. Will it shock you to know that this rpg failed miserably? There are two role playing threads total and no one has touched this place in a year. Maybe it's because everyone knows what everyone else is thinking so there's no need for actually doing anything.
2. Kryssa can time travel. She doesn’t use this power as much as she uses the other two, because she is very careful of how she acts and makes good choices…(just like the rest of you should…LOL jk) no. She likes to travel back in time if something happens that is funny, or something good happens. The day she got her first kiss, she went back as many times as she could just to feel the feeling…(and then, she read his mind…it was BAD) LOL
LOL! Boys think about sex! LOL! We can trust this Sue when she says we can trust her judgment as to how to use her powers! LOL! She's sucking out my soul and I'm not ever role playing with her. LOL!
3. Kryssa can expand her molecules so that she becomes invisible. This is the power that she uses when she knows that something embarrassing is going to happen, or when she wants to know if something is up…This is also one of those powers that sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) causes her problems. She cant really control this power as much as she would like to think she can…so, needless to say, sometimes if her emotions become real strong, she literally disappears!
So... how often does this happen? If she disappears just once, how does she get back? There is no her to think, "Oh crap! Not again! I better come back." I guess if you are a Sue you don't need to explain this.
Pet they wish to adopt: Well, Kryssa would like to have a tortoiseshell cat. (Preferably a female…) that is litter box trained so she can keep her in the dorm.
Maybe she can mess with the cat's molecules and make it invisible. I think my cats can become invisible when I'm carrying things that could spill so I only see them the second before I trip on them.
Description: Kryssa is sort of tall, but then, she is short. Her actual height (without shoes) is five feet five inches. (With shoes, she gets another inch and a half…maybe.) (SHUT UP!) She is very pretty—Her hair is light brown, almost a dirty blonde color, but not quite, (SHUT UP MORE!) she has crystal blue eyes that have a ring of midnight blue around the outer part of them. (And they change color!) Her hair is long—it comes down her back to a spot just above her hips, (Oh. Her waste, you mean) and she always tries to find another style to put it in for each day. (Sometimes she stuffs it all under a wig and pretends to be Hannah Montana) She favors baggy pants, but prefers tighter shirts. (She NEVER wears any shirt that shows cleavage, but she likes to show off her belly button ring, so…LOL. (Squee!) Normally, she wears some color of converse shoe, but is known for wearing flip flops. She likes to wear stylish earrings. Sometimes, she wears just studs, but on a normal day, she will wear some sort of flashy dangling earrings. (I have a feeling she has other holes in her head that she's not mentioning.)
Picture: (No longer works. Pity! We can't see how hot she is.)
Characteristics: Kryssa is all good. She uses her powers for good. (Sometimes she does use them to benefit herself, but there is always a reason) She has the attitude of a leader, and she loves to help the people around her. She takes it into her own hands if somebody is doing something harmful (in anyway) to another person. (Meaning she will fix all problems so she can stand back, wind in her hair and be admired for her gloriousness.) She knows her mind reading skills very well, and she can move memories, manipulate the minds of others, and even see into their past.) She only manipulates minds if she absolutely has to…she’s not mean like that, and she doesn’t believe in using her powers to benefit only herself. (Uh huh. Don't hold your breath.) Kryssa is a kind-hearted person. She is an animal lover, and back home she has horses. The only thing Kryssa expects other people to do for her is o not second guess her. If she voices her opinion, she knows she is right, especially if it comes to something like the future—she will take a person to the future to prove a point if she has to. (and she has…) (She's always right. What an arrogant, evil, horrible Sue.) She is respectful, and respected among her peers and teachers. She generally is a quiet person and doesn’t enter a fight that she cant win, and doesn’t try to prove a point unless she has facts that will help her prove it. (She's quiet save for the incesstant meddling.)
History: When Kryssa was a child, she was teased by her sisters and brother for being “different.” Her parents tried to hide her from the world, and almost succeeded, until one day, when she was thirteen, she decided she wanted more from life. She found this high school that had other kids like her in it and she had her parents enroll her. It is far away from where she lived as a child, but she is okay with that. She has had a total of two boyfriends in her life. The first one broke up with her because she was reading his thoughts, and replying to them, without even really knowing it! The second was just a dud, because he cheated on her…
Shouldn't she have seen that coming? What kind of psychic is she?
Role Play: It was her first day at a new high school. She was hopeful that this high school would offer more for her than the others did. She stood there, clad in baggy black cargo pants, a form-fitting t-shirt, a zip-up hoodie sweater, and lime green flip-flops. She glanced at the principal as she babbled on about the school. But Kryssa was not paying attention to her, she was focused on what looked like a couple of bullies trying to use their power to scare a younger kid. She glared their way and sent a mental message to them, “If I were you, I wouldn’t do that…” (So where is she in relation to this principal? She's able to casually look away and address these boys with her mind and no one, in a school full of mind readers catches this?) The two boys turned to look at her, surprise on their faces. She raised an eyebrow and stood there, glaring at them. “Well?” she asked, “What’s it gonna be?” They smirked at her, and the one who could move objects with is mind picked up a chair and threw it at Kryssa. She ducked swiftly and gracefully out of the way. (Like a fucking ballerina. And where is this principal? I guess you don't need one when a Sue as cool as this is enrolled in your school. You can just sit back and let them discipline other kids.) She rolled her eyes and dove into his thoughts. She made him forget that they were fighting, and remember that he was going to be late for his next class. “Well, see ya later!” he said, as he waved good bye. (Huh? I thought she had all sorts of froofy reservations about manipulating someone's brain but it seems she is quite casual about it.) She rolled her eyes and focused on the other boy. “So, show me watcha got?” she brushed the words across his mind silently, as she looked him in the eye. “She was surprised when he just shook his head and walked away. “I’ve no time for you,” the words brushed across her mind in a gentle whisper. She stood there, in shock, but shrugged it off and grabbed her book bag and headed to her very first class. (Ooh! A love interest she has to tame, perhaps? And what of the boy being picked on? Who cares. If he's lame enough to be picked on then our Sue has no time for him.)
I bet this Sue could teach every class too, if you let her. She just rocks that much. She should graduate and become president of all things awesome... you know. If she isn't already.

Terms, Abbreviations and Assholery: D - G

More from The Fanfiction Glossary:


AU fics written to prevent or avert tragic canonical events. Also AU fics which rewrite or retcon a storyline that the ficcer simply didn't like. Often created as immediate angry or grief-stricken reactions, these tend to be met with contempt or sympathy depending on the quality, but they're generally not viewed as good writing.

This happens in rpgs all the time. I watched every episode of Buffy for all 7 seasons it was on and you could be sure that if something major happened in the plot such as someone being killed off or a relationship breaking up, the next morning rpgs would be created where the horrible thing did not happen or characters would flood rpgs where the canon proposed would fight what happened.


Stands for "don't like, don't read" -- a controversial fanfic disclaimer note since Suethors latched onto it as a lame defense for crap writing in the form of a shield against criticism.

This is more a fanfic term than an rpg term but it lets into the dark mind of a Suethor. She really doesn't care if she makes a character that bends or breaks the rules. If you are the owner and you don't like it, screw you. She's a Sue and she needs to emotionally masturbate on your rpg.

Deus Ex Machina, deus ex machina

Latin for "God From The Machine." According to XxphenixX, "In (Greco)Roman theater, a god would often mystically appear to extricate a character from a difficult situation and/or generally resolve the conflict of the tale; the person playing the god would be held up by stage machinery, hence the 'machina.'" In fandom, this refers to a contrived plot device which resolves an otherwise insurmountable problem, and as such are regarded as the cop-out refuge of a bad writer or an amateur gamemaster.

Like when circumstances allow a Mary Sue or Gary Stu to just have the answer for something, pull a power or skill out of their ass or knows the right thing to say. She solves every problem by God moding.


Episode of a TV show.

I use this one a lot. Hee! I tend to pluck out a character that appeared once or twice on a show and expand them into the regular story and I always have to say, "Remember that ep where that chick showed up and did this and it was cool? I want to play her. Won't that be cool?" Of course, I think I ask in a less fangirl sort of way.

Estrogen Brigade

a humorous term used by some segments of female fandom who are devoted to a male star, ie. the PMEB (Paul McGann Estrogen Brigade), the DDEB (David Duchovny Estrogen Brigade), or the HJEB (Hugh Jackman Estrogen Brigade).

Like I'm part of the Adam Busch Estrogen Brigade and Freaklin Gout is apart of the Colin Meloy Estrogen Brigade.


A fandom-oriented rewriting or parody of an existing song, using the same tune but new words. Can also refer to original tunes written about/within fandom, or to the actual act of turning a mundane song into a filk. Popular after-hours at conventions.

See also BGM. A song is twisted to it's full wanky potential so the Suethor can impose her angsty feelings onto everyone around her.


A story in which at least one character's gender is altered -- occasionally via reassignment surgery, but more often through a plot device like alien experimentation, mutation, magic, etc. These tales often involve sex, but not necessarily; the nickname is akin to the term "mindfuck."

HAW! I've seen this!!! I was Warren and Andrew in this one Buffy rpg and the girl playing Jonathan's character just went and did a spell that went wrong and POOF! He became Joanathan. I was pissed and I tried to work with it but all Joanathan wanted to do was have sex with Vampire Buffy and I was a third and fourth wheel to it all. It was ucky and I left.

Glomp, *glomp*

An enthusiastic full-body clinging anime-style hug rarely seen in reality but quite often in chat environments. One doesn't tend *glomp* strangers.

Yeah, I watched "Dr. Who" and the members of "Torchwood" engage in a group glomp the other day. It was funny and ucky all at the same time.


Any erotic tale involving shapeless, liquid, or gelatinous characters (ie. Odo in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) using their talents upon/with humanoid characters in inventive ways. Tends to be use as a derogatory term by those who feel it's used to degrade female characters, along the same lines as tentaclefic.

I haven't seen this at all. I just think it's funny. Hee! Goosex!

Gratuitous Tactile Moment, Gratuitous Touchy Moment, GTM

Innocent physical contact between characters, often to prevent injury or to provide support or comfort. Just because it's innocent to the characters, however, doesn't mean that the writer/readers aren't enjoying it -- or that it won't lead to something rather less innocent! Frequently spotted in 'shippy stories, slash, or smarm. Often abbreviated to GTM.

I'm guilty of this one too. I don't think it's wrong to fondle up another character in some innocent way that could lead to something else. It's fun, harmless and others like it too. \\GTM for Freaklin Gout and Fountine!!!

Terms, Abbreviations and Assholery: A - C

Here are some A - C definitions from The Fanfiction Glossary that I feel apply to role playing games. I like this site so much that I will bring you more later on because I like applying terms to different things I see in role playing games. It's almost like pinning a Sue down, dissecting her behaviours and labeling everything scientifically so you leave little doubt or confusion that the next bitch you encounter with these characteristics is a Sue.


"Annoying New Character" -- an author-created character who (obviously) annoys the hell out of readers. Often, but not always, a Mary Sue.

Often a Mary Sue or, perhaps, a character created by the Mary Sue author to back up the awesomeness of the Mary Sue. He/She could be a sidekick, a lover or a villain created to make the Mary Sue look shiny! And you know what? Sometimes the Suethors are sneaky and won't admit they made an ANC but when one character fawns over another for no apparent reason, yeah, they are written by the same Sue hand.


Refers to the emotional wounds suffered and/or borne by a character, especially if they spend pages moaning about their miserable life in great detail. Can add intensity to a story or turn it into one big long pityparty. Warning: angst can be addictive!

Like when vampires kill your parents. I hear that's a common occurence these days.

Annoying Original Female Character

Any Original Female Character who's, well, irritating as all hell. Usually a Mary Sue. Often abbreviated to AOFC.

Mary Sue and Annoying are redundant.

Aura Of Smooth

An imaginary energy field said to exist around blatant Mary Sues or other self-insertions. It's the only explanation for how the canon characters suddenly turn into gullible shadows of their normal selves around 'em.

Mary Sues just ooze charm, intelligence, kindness, tolerance, strength, speed and mind reading abilities. They love everyone (who adores them) and smites those who are mean to them. They even manage to stop things before they get started because that aura of smooth is so strong.


A punnish nickname for fandoms centering around fictionalizing real-life bands like the Goo Goo Dolls, Good Charlotte, Nirvana, etc.

This is when rpgs are created to star bands like N'Sync as pirates. See also BBS.


A fan of a particular pairing that acts a particular way. Barbieshippers want their pairing to behave in an idealized fashion, and tend to throw fits if anything threatens that cherished bubble.

Like if a faery fancies a werewolf and some dude made fun of their relationship, that faery may feel such a hate for that dude that she'd bitch endlessly about him as if he were a real guy and not a character in an rpg. That faery Suethor would be a wankery barbieshipper.


Boy Band Slash, ie. NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, etc. Yes, it exists, and there's a lot of it.

Oh I know you all want me to find some of it. You're all itching to see Timberlake do it with Fatone.


Short for "background music" -- an integral part of the anime experience, for some fans.

Some Suethors use song lyrics to punctuate bios or role playing replies. If they feel bitchy it will be Avril LaVigne or if they are sad it will be Dido-- or whatever. My eyes glaze over once this shit starts.


A sarcastic term for stories big on action, explosions, and violence but low on character development.

I mostly see this assholery is bio forms. If a Gary Stu lists his his bastard swords in detail, names his guns or explains how supped up his penis car is, his role playing postings will be boyfiction. He'll fight thousands bad guys easily and with stoicism beyond comprehension. His sexuality will be his weapon to the poin that men and women alike want to fuck him. He's the werewolf that needs to carry an AK47 to assault people that think he's in a bad mood. I suppose if you are a Gary Stu, you don't need a personality as long as you can violently thrust poiny objects at things.


Short for "boink bunny" -- somebody meant for casual playful sex, often in the context of a convention. Not technically a fanfic term, and not a very common one, but it does pop up!

This is another term for a Tootsietramp. This Mary Sue or Gary Stu will make it a poin in their bios to say they find anything attractive and will crawl into bed with it. Like a veela or a part veela, they will fuck anything because it's the way they were made.


In an online RPG, a duplicate created of a character who is still active -- either an innocent mistake or a vicious attempt at an override, but either way a big no-no. In some games, this term can blur to mean any duplicate of any character, active or retired.

You know... if you make an imp and then someone else also comes along and makes an imp almost exactly like yours, or you make a character who gains more magic by doing something original and someone comes along with a character who tries your idea and runs with it like it belonged to them in the first place? Do I sound bitter?


Like 'shipping but more so -- it refers to a practice wherein two roleplayers seek out or fall into a pairing (or multiple pairings) so tight that they stop roleplaying with others. A very negative term.

This may seem rude to those on the outside but I found it a salvation to only roleplay with my friends because I was drowning in a sea of Mary Sues. My friends and I write the same way, we understand each others characters and we respect each other's characters. Negative or not, it's wonderful to role play with people who get you.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Welcome to the Wasteland of Wankery

Remember how I mentioned in that post about Kendrix and that post about Kawaii that some Mary Sues and Gary Stus have an issue with the word 'waste?' I'm about to show you I didn't just pull that assessment out of my ass. Here is a list of Suethors misusing the word waste. Some of these you can laugh at and think, "Hee! She/He meant waist." And others, if you imagine waste means poop, are funny and cringe-worthy. Enjoy!

"Her bottom half is covered by a pair of three quarter length dark blue jeans with multiple pockets which are held up a brown leather belt around her waste."

"Mrs. Maltuise is very thin with pale skin and sparkling green eyes. Her hair is waste length, pink, and curly."

"As for her weapons, they are strung around her waste like some sort of belt under her coat and are called upon in battle or to aid her in situations."

"He rides a Warg known only and Thra'gra and has waste length greasy hair."

"Souffle is certainly not one to disagree, as she tries to draw even more attention to herself by wearing red bands around her waste and wrists, which compliment her silver hair and golden skin."

"Wherinu held his blade waste-length, slanting slightly upwards"

""Very and don't even think about it!" She held his hands down at her waste knowing hes much stronger than she is."

"It had looked as if it was made for her. It clung to every curve, till about her waste when it then just sort of flared out. It was a beautiful forest green color, and the tiny little sparkles on it shimmered in the firelight coming from the torches on the wall. Around her waste, the blood red silk sash was had been playing with early flowed down to about her knees."

"Jennifer in terms of human females, was extremely beautiful. She had soft white skin, wore regular street clothing and had waste length dark green hair."

"Two thick, cotton, white belts are cross tied on his waste for individuality."

"She sat motionless, her hands unmoving from the tight clasp around her waste. She breathed strenuously, forcing the hysterical laughter and sorrow out, collecting the broken pieces of her charade into a well-fit mask."

"Scarlet pushed her black hair back behind her ear. She was a tall woman, at 5'7" with waste-length straight black hair, pale skin, and eyes that were blacker than coal."

"Navy blue sweatshirt with hood over shirt if it's too cold (if she thinks it's warm enough, she wears it around her waste );"

"The blue armor is almost the same of the Legendary Hokage, except he incorporated the waist style of the First Hokage(giving him four plates at his waste) as well as well as the color; which has been set to off white."

"The he opened the cabinet at his waste and took out a spoon and put it into the bowl."

"His hair is a mix of almost metallic silver with white as pure and soft as the color of snow, and is naturally soft and silken, which is good considering the fact that it is almost waste length."

"As she thought this she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waste."

"to help ease the pain and stop the blood from freely flowing out the wound, he took the yellow cloth from around his waste and bound the wounded skin."

"Ilanis was suddenly awake. Throwing her waste length red hair up into two knots on her head and dressing herself in a blue leather top overtop of her nightdress."

"hair: other than side strands going back to a braid, it's free. Waste-length orange-gold hair slightly wavey."

"Out of one a pouch at his waste, he pulled an herb."

"As for weapons, she carries a dagger on her waste under her sash."

"Appearance: Wavy, red, waste-length hair; 5’5’’ and thin; slender; golden eyes; green, hooded jacket and black jeans."

"Below that she wore a long black skirt with ruffles at the end as well, though it was hiding her effects strapped around her waste underneath."

"He often wears his waste length black hair tied in a top knot with a black and blue ribbon."

"A long silky black tail rose from her waist and stood curling and uncurling behind her while two pointy and furry cat like ears protruded from her head amid the almost waste length raven black hair which was a stark contrast against the white of the dress and her pale skin. Her eyes two were different, more oval and oriental but her pupils stood vertically in their purple iris."

"She carries a silver sword around her waste and a silver dagger in her left boot both having blood stones at the top of the handles, while bow and arrows lie at her back."

"Officer's service uniform consists of a black, waste-length tunic with charcoal grey across the collar-bone and shoulders."

"Appearance: Laerwen has waste length golden-brown hair and dark brown eyes. She's not particularly pretty, nor is she ugly."

"He crawled out of bed wearing nothing but shorts as he walked up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waste and rested his head on her shoulder looking out the window."

"Phys. Description: Marly has waste length raven black hair. She likes to wear it down."

"Physical Appearance: Vanyali has waste length blond hair with silver streaks through it."

"Around his waste are two different belts, a normal black leather belt with pyramid studs on it, and a belt to hold his gun holster."

"Magic: Able to use nearly all magic with his energy drained. He keeps magic stones on his belt around is waste."

"Maya was a wild child, waste length dark hair looking even longer on her toddler frame."

"Merrique wrapped an arm around his waste and smiled coyly at him."

"He has waste-length light brown hair that he tries to keep tied back, but it's rather fine, so strands often escape."

"The tongue pulled on his waste."

"Making sure his lightsaber was secure at his waste, he hustled on to the shack ahead, and to his old friend and information source."

"On her waste is a simple belt with six Pokeballs and on her back is a navy backpack also with a yellow G on it.

"Her flowy and elegant brown hair laid gracefully on her waste and her red wine dress flutteres in the wind."

"She started feeling me more after that and I started touching her waste"

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

One Wasted Warren

Not that Warren. I mean a warren full of bunnies. And not just any average, old, regular bunnies. MAGICAL BUNNIES! Ooh!
That's right. Some hare-brained owner created an rpg a year ago about supernatural bunnies and thought it would just take off. This owner advertised tirelessly and in the end, a few Mary Sues and Gary Stus showed up but even they got too bored to stick around and make it work.

My friend Freaklin Gout joined me to poin and laugh at this hopeless, hopping hack.
Name: Nightstar
threJack and coke combos: She's a goth bunny. And she's centering her profile. Oi! That's always a bad sign.
Nickname: Not really...
Freaklin Gout: If I was in this rp I'd call her "Not really..." all the time.
threJack and coke combos: I'd call her N-Sta. Sound gansta.
Age: 3 Years
Gender: Femme
Freaklin Gout: The preferred gender of Mary Sues everywhere.
Colour(s): She is a deep purple rabbit with black stripes and a black rump and tail with
glowing yellow eyes and slight fangs.
Freaklin Gout: LOL!! Deep purple with black stripes and fangs.
Freaklin Gout: I love it.
threJack and coke combos: So, if I'm reading this right, and I'm never wrong, her glowing eyes and slight fangs are on her rump and tail? How attractive.
Freaklin Gout: Let's talk about the fangs, though. Do you think this person knows that rabbits have incisors which are already fang-like?
Personality: Nightstar is normally curious and never heeds warnings given from other rabbits. Nope... she always has to learn things the hard way. She is mostly outgoing towards other rabbits but doesn't have any friends to speak of. Most think of her as an odd little bunny, because she is slightly bi-polar and is hateful towards other rabbits simply because they breathe.
Freaklin Gout: Oh really? Only slightly bi-polar?
threJack and coke combos: Hee! An emo bunny.
Freaklin Gout: She's outgoing, but she hates everyone. I think that describes Saddam Hussein.
threJack and coke combos: She's part bitchiwith too.
Breed:Sumatran Striped Rabbit

threJack and coke combos: Kama Sumatran!

History:If I find the time and muse, I will write one.

Freaklin Gout: Her dismissal of the history blows my mind. "If I find the time and muse, I will write one." Hello??? You're applying for an rp!

Freaklin Gout: And the dumb owner accepted it. She must be really desparate for people to play her bunny rp. .
Freaklin Gout: I stress and fret over my bios, and she was like, "Yeah. Whatev."

Picture:Not yet...

Other: She has little leathery black wings like bats. In the right light they have a purple hue. Her claws and the pointed tips of her wings are poisonous, but she only poisons those whom oppose her with the intent to harm her. Also, by running her wing over an injury, it will heal instantly, but this does not work on herself.

Freaklin Gout: Okay, wait... she's got wings (which: 8o ) but the wings are both poisonous and can heal?

Freaklin Gout: God. With those awful poisonous bat wings, how does she get down in her burrow?

threJack and coke combos: I know. She must have to make all sorts of accommodations for those.

Freaklin Gout:Poor poisonous emo bunny. She just wants to heal the world with her bat wings.

Money: ¥65

threJack and coke combos: So how do rabbits get money and what do they buy? For this bunny I would say "Blackest Black Mascara," onyx eyeshadow and gun metal lipstick.

So there you have it. This is what rabbit wank looks like. Are you happy I took you here? I'm sorry I had to. I'm sorry to Freaklin Gout. This made me hurt and I had to share it.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Robin Hood and his band of Mary Sues

This Mary Sue comes from an rpg based on the current BBC series, Robin Hood. She's not only a little bit Robin Hood, she's also a little bit Harry Potter and she's God moded her entire bio in order to nestle herself in between all the canons. She's snatched all the good things from this Robin Hood universe so there's really no use for Maid Marian to exist at all and Robin Hood ought to hang up his bow. This Mary Sue just rocks da forest that hard.
Character Information:
First Name: Rose
Middle Name: Hermione
Last Name: 'of' Gisbourne
Is there is a good reason why owners need to break up the name like this in the application? I'll never understand why some applications can't just say 'Full Name:' and leave it at that. It's not like this girl's name is being entered into a database of Most Wanted Mary Sues... that's not a bad idea.
Also. you walk a thin line as an owner if you allow these mixings of genres into your rpg. So far this rpg seems to respect a straight forward telling of the Robin Hood story according to this TV show. This bio stood out to me because if I were a fellow player here, I'd be turned off by a character like this and I'd question if I wanted to stay and role play here.
Status: (Peasant, guard, official title etc.): Outlaw but does have a noble status
Haw! I love these noble outlaws, like noble pirates, noble friend of the mob or noble mouse killers. Mary Sues make me want to gag with how ever noble they are despite the business they are in.
Place of Birth: Gisbourne
Current Age: 19
Date of Birth: 18th of February
Parents: Rose Gisbourne deceased & Edward Gisbourne deceased
Siblings: Sir Guy of Gisbourne brother
Current place of residency: Sherwood forest
Favourite Mary Sue MO: Hanging onto a canon, mixing genres, parents possibly killed by vampires?
Support and why: The king, because she believes he is the only one to put a final end to this pain and suffering.
I wish my pain and suffering at the hands of Mary Sues would end. Can anyone fix that for me?
Personality: Hermione is a very feisty girl with a sharp tounge (one that rivals even Marians) she gives just as good as she gets and is always fighting to be one of the boys, as she acts just like one. She may give off a very hard and strong exterior deep down she's a very hurt and brooding young girl, and her emotions only become apparent to certain people she's very close to.
Extra Mary Sue MO: Loose 'tounge' that could shut up a canon and misunderstood bad girl who strives to be a tomboy.
Life Story: Hermione was born into a very loving family surprisingly, she took the family name of Rose as her first, although as she aged she took the name of Hermione, so as to distinguish her from her mother. When she was quite young her parents pased away because of a pestallence. (Read: Vampires. Come on. We all know I'm right.) Guy and her were thrown out onto the streets to fend for themselves, Guy took his younger sister under his wing and taught her all he could. This was when she discovered her talent for the twin daggers she carries with her always.
Oh boy. This Sue is not to be fucked with! She's got twin daggers and I'm sure she has the psychic Sue abilities to know who's fucking with her or thinking about fucking with her. LETHAL. Oops. I think I mean LAME.
One fateful day a noble by the name of Vasey found the pair and took them in; as he had plans for the young Gisbourne. After time he realised Hermione was fr less impressionable than Guy and so threw her out claiming she had stolen from him; so as to keep Guy quiet. Vasey, the truth be told hated Hermione as she hated him, and longs for vengance for taking her brother from her. Although before she left she managed to get herself a noble status, but now she had to fend for herself. One day when stealing bread-
Okay. I'm about to save you all from the Sue book that is this bio. I'll shorten the rest of this bio for you and I will also show you how she will continue to rewrite the story of other canons like she's done with poor Guy of Gisbourne
Wolves saved her from the bad guys and one wolf stuck by her side and she calls him Rosco. Then Will Scarlett's family took her in. Will treated her like a sister and when Guy found out he tore apart Will's family to save her, only she ran into the forest and found Allan A Dale who was crying for some unknown reason. *GAG* They became "best of friends stealing and being merry outlaws." Guy finds her once again and makes her live in the castle with him because he just doesn't understand how awesome her new outlaw friends are. She's secretly a superhero known as The Lupin now and she longs to live in the forest with Will and Allan again.
Now she said earlier that she lived in the Sherwood Forest. This Mary Sue is straddling the worlds between being a lady and another where she's some bad ass outlaw. It really shouldn't go both ways. In the world of Robin Hood you sort of have to be a have or a have not or else you become a hypocrite.
Anything else? Celebrity model is Emma Watson
No! You don't say. I was expecting Alice Ghostly.
Sample Role-Play
The hoarse screams of the angry baker raged through Hermione's ears, she laughed to herself, they'd never catch her she'd learnt far too much as an outlaw so far and who was he; one measily baker. (I didn't know being a baker was an elitist job to have.) She scoffed once more to herself although she hadn't heard the thundering hooves overtaking her and with a blink of her eye a guard skidded on his horse infront of her blocking her path. Hermione too skidded to a halt, gazing up at the towering guard infront of her, instead of fear taking over her features just a hard scowl of determination. With a quick glance upwards along a rocky outcrop she spotted Rosco, a small smirk tweaked the corners of her mouth with a quick throw she chucked the loaf (Hee! She chucked the loaf.) up right by Roscos one white paw. Turning her attention back to the guard who had just drawn his sword; her hand went automatically to the hilt of her right dagger; her wrist slipped through the loop on the end. With one quick turn of the jeweled handle (It's a Sparklypoo handle!) she cut the reigns and the guard fell backwards from the horse. Quickly Hermione ran making her way up the rocky outcrop. Soon she was at the top and she let out a releived sigh before claiming her bread and Rosco, she ran letting out quiet laughs as she went.
And with that, I'm going to reclaim my sanity and quietly let out some vomit. Until next time!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Eyes are the Windows to the Sues

Can't decide between two eye colors? Why go with both? Or everything. If you're a Sue, you don't feel you should have to nail yourself down to one eye color.
I think Sues and Stus choose different eye colors to make sure they are seen. Sometimes eyes reflect that the character is of a different species but mostly it's done for attention, beauty and a constant guage on whatever emotional trauma the character is embroiled in. As you all know, Sues and Stus are nonstop basket cases.
"Eyes: Change color depending on thirst; Obsidian black when extremely thirsty; purple bruise-like color when getting thirsty; dull bronze when slightly thirst; liquid topaz color when not thirsty"
"His eyes change color depending on his mood, surroundings, etc, which would make them hazel."
"She Has bright blue eyes that change colors depending on her mood."
"i have long hair and like nira's my eyes change color with my mood."
"Eyes that change color with his mood, and 1½" fangs, that can grow to 2""
"His eyes change color with his mood in a single blink his usual eye color is either Crimson or Indigo, but he has several others..."
"Powers:Eyes change color with emotion."
"eyes change color with mood and drug use;"
"eyes change color depending on his mood."
"eyes are a hazel green and sky blue that change with what I wear"
"eyes change color or look like they do from green to a sky blue."
"Physical Description: 5'4", short blonde hair, my eyes change color from blue to green,"
"-Eyes that change colors with a ring of fire"
"she turns her head and her eyes change color for a second, and then go back."
"Distinguishing Features: The way her eyes change color"
"Her eyes change color, from light hazel, to a little darker, depending on her mood."
"+1 - Arithon - His eyes change color with the element of the spell. That's rather unique."
"She also has 1 crystal blue eye & a green 1; the colors switch eyes."
"appearance:messy black hair, his eyes change colors, but are essentially either grey or purple he is short and scrawny, but with surprising strength"
"Her eyes are emerald green and change colors with her emotions. When she is angry, they turn Reddish-gold and when she is sad they turn Cerulean blue. Her eyes glow with either a Blue light for Good or Red light for Evil when she gives prophecies. This can happen spontaneously…."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Newsflash! Aliens are Unrealistic!

Here's an open letter to the girl who chased me out of an rpg today:
(Contains Torchwood and Dr. Who spoilers)

Dear Bitch,

I've put up a lot of crap in rpgs but today I can honestly say I'm proud of myself for walking away from your rpg and not looking back.

I know I created a character that never sleeps. She saw a weird light in the sky at the age of 12, she's now 24 and in those 12 years she has never slept a wink. I agree 100% that it's "unrealistic."

However it appears you haven't realized you created an rpg based on Dr. Who and Torchwood. I would think in an rpg based on shows about aliens, nothing can truly be unrealistic, right?

On Torchwood alone:
Captain Jack Harkness can't die.
Owen Harper is dead but he walks and talks like he's not.
Toshiko Sato once heard the thoughts of everyone around her.
Gwen Cooper almost gave birth to an alien baby.
Ianto Jones' girlfriend was turned in to a CyberWoman and he kept her in the bowels of Torchwood hoping to have her de-Cybered only to have her eaten by a pteradactyl.

I ask you, do you not find those things unrealistic? All those things happened to regular humans at the hands of aliens and alien technology and one chick who doesn't sleep throws you for a loop? My dear, you picked the wrong shows to open up an rpg about if you find that "unrealistic."

I suppose I could have replied to your silly little email about how unrealistic aliens are and I should be pleased you told me that but it would have been the stupidest conversation I'd ever had with anyone online.

I hope you enjoyed wasting my time,

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Sparklypoos, Tootsietramps and Qanonreips! Oh my!

Some terms created to make fun of Harry Potter fanfiction are just good enough to transcend boundaries and, I feel, can also apply to non-Harry Potter role playing games.
Here are the four alternate houses that most fanfiction Harry Potter characters fall into if written by a Suethor. I guarantee you'll see these people anywhere you choose to role play as they are common and craptacular
Members of the house of Sparklypoo follow every classic Mary Sue/Gary Stu pattern. They are positively perfect in every way, pretty as a picture, connected to important people and can solve any issue just by being awesome and smelling nice. They are untouchable soul suckers who serve no purpose other than to clog up role playing games with their own emotional masturbation. SHAMEFUL!
This term was created by Pirate Monkey Inc. who created the best (and only) comic based on the non-stop mass of Sparklypoos inflicting their crap on perfectly good rpgs.
Surlysnarl or Bitchiwitch
I like these terms so you might see me use them both interchangeably. Both refer to the same sorts of characters. These are the Mary Sues/Gary Stus who are goth/emo/dominatrix/alternative and serve no other purpose than to yell at other characters and at like they are misunderstood. While a Sparklypoo may have a tragic childhood like, oh let's just pull something out of thin air, their parents were killed by vampires, a Sparklypoo would rise above it and fight all vampires and other bad thngs. A Surlysnarl/Bitchiwitch would dwell on it, take up smoking, become evil, maybe even become a vampire and certainly assert that no one has suffered like they have. It may be fun for them to be so troubled but it's a big yawn to the rest of us who have to role play with this bore.
I have not yet been able to hunt down the origins of the of the term Surlysnarl but Bitchiwitch was coined by a LiveJournal blogger named pottersues. She's very funny. Look for more terms from her in upcoming List Bitch articles.
This house belongs to the characters designed to get laid. Everything about them is engineered so they are the perfect sexual mate for anyone available to fuck. They are hot, virile, curvy, stacked, muscular and their greatest weapon in sex. Tootsietramp women have big boobs and will flop them around for attention or they may faint and need to be saved by any available men. Tootsietramp men are just all penis and no personality. This may sound great but try having a conversation with one that doesn't involve the growing bulge in his pants.
This term is also brought to us by pottersues. I'm scared to learn this term in encountered so much in Harry Potter fanfiction that it truly needs it's own definition.
This term is pronounced as "canon rape" and it was made up by a LiveJournal blogger known as theeternalmind. It refers to a Suethor who plays a canon completely against type to conform to their own needs. We've seen a few of them in this blog such as the Tara from Buffy who wanted to be beaten a lot and the several veela Dracos from Harry Potter who wanted to fuck Harry or Ron. Or both.
I could almost forgive a Qanonreip if I were to see one in a "What If" rpg. By that I mean that the rpg asks what if certain things happened that weren't in the TV, movie or book that the canon is based on. What if Han Solo were gay? What if Superman landed in Smallville in 1812? What if Dorothy Gale were born a cat and the Wicked Witch of the West born a dog? Crazy, huh? But why not? Dare to dream, I say.
BUT, I feel strongly that if the rpg is straight forward, right out of the TV show, movie or book, then play the canon the way they are intended to be played. A canon becomes a Sue if they change the canon just to be the center of attention. Like, what if in a Doctor Who rpg, Doctor Who decides he wants to have a wild Dalek sex orgy in the TARDIS. He would never do that and the only purpose would be for everyone in the rpg to take notice and, in hopes of the Suethor, find this amusing. For this reason, you may also see owners of clubs as the primary perpetrators of Qanonreip.
What's the deal with the pictures?
So you noticed the pictures, huh? They are called Dollz. They are internet creations that people can use as avatars for either themselves or their characters. Some, I admit, are cute. Some others are incredibly annoying. I will show you more as I encounter them because they are are definitely a Mary Sue indicator. Here is one 'DOLLZ' that I found that I think is very cute. It's Harry Potter's Prof. Trelawney: