Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Today's defunct rpg is called "Astral Academy for all Magical Beings." It's a blatant Harry Potter rip off. Almost everything is the same except that this school accepts all magical beings and specializes in divination. Oh! And Headmistress Forter, looks like Cameron Diaz.

There are four houses just like Hogwarts (and in some ways, not like Hogwarts at all) and here is the site description of each one:

Students in the Delphis house are very good healers. They are very sensitive and have strong natural instincts. They know what they are looking for and won't give up easily. They also get along with almost everyone they meet. They are very nice. They may be slow at what they do, but they are safe doing it.
Stay Close to: Caballus House Stay away from: Mydas House

So this house is 60% Hufflepuff and 40% Gryffindor. They are dull but determined, cautious but courageous and smart but slow. Everything you could ever want in these two goody-two-shoe Houses all rolled into one.

Students in the Mydas House are maybe the meanest of all the houses. They are spiritual in their own way. They make fun of those not like them. They are usually considered liars and cheats. They like to make fun of the poor and love the rich. But even though they seem like they know what they want, they have a lot of emotional or mental stress upon them.
Stay close to: Cyclora House Stay away from: Delphis House

It's Slytherin. It's full of wealthy, pureblood assholes. They will all be depressed, vicious, suicidal and have all the mad Dark Arts Skillz.
The students in the Caballus House are the most loving of them all. They believe in true love and are very romantic. They are loyal to people they meet and are commited to what they want. They flirt and thrive on their sexual desires. But they can be a little foolish. They can get into trouble.
Stay close to: Delphis House Stay away from: Cyclora House

Here is where we diverge from the main four Hogwarts Houses. The whores, sluts, pimps, gimps, playas, nymphos and bondage freaks live here. This is CLEARLY the Tootsietramp House.

Students in the Cyclora House have very short tempers. They are brave and get fired up a lot. They seem to have a pretty big ego too. They can be creative in their own ways. Cyclora's are known to be very determined and empowered. They aren't afraid and will do anything they set their minds too.
Stay close to: Mydas House Stay away from: Delphis House

And here is Ravenclaw, the real Slytherins of Hogwarts. These students that embody what Slytherins ought to be in, not the whiny, bitchy brats they have become thanks to Mary Sues and Gary Stus.

Headmistress Forter requires all new students to go to the Diamond Dining Hall for a Sorting Ceremony and a whopping total of six students showed up for this. The Ceremony goes a little like this:

Headmistress Forter stood in front of something also. It was a littler platform. But this platform was a little more special. That platform would tell what house each student would be in. Once the student stands on it, the color of the house will glow. Not only will it do that but it will also make the student glow. The school's outfit will appear on the student. Headmistress Forter loved that part. The students would be spooked by it."

I'm not sure. Those Caballus kids may actually enjoy losing their clothes to the Headmistress on their first day of school.

So how did these students do in the Ceremony? Oh boy. Now it's time to sort the dull, demented, ditzy and dangerous from each other.

First up is Bailey Morrison. As you can see, he's not Alex Evans but he wishes he was. He's emo, goth and misunderstood. Of course he's bisexual, "goes through severe bouts of depression", is beaten by his parents who hate him and he sings like an angel. His rpg example is a detailed description of his dad beating the shit out of Bailey when he is accepted to Astral Academy.

So what House do you think he'll be placed in? Place your bets before you read further:

Bailey jumped as the platform glowed a bright pink. (Caballus) Looking down at his own body, he saw that he too, for a brief moment, seemed to glow the same color and his eyes widened as the school uniform appeard on his body. His mouth gaped open and his head shot up to the headmistress once more as she spoke. Sighing, he stepped off the platform and walked to the table he was supposed to be at.

Next up is Ookami Lynn. She's bisexual, pureblood and is Asian with white hair. Why is her hair white? She can freeze things with her touch. In fact, her entire demeanor is cold and she loves to torture people. Her only friend in life is her pet dragon because her mom died in child birth and her dad is afraid of her. In her rpg example and cries about being so alone, not just in Astral Academy, but in life as well.

So what House did she end up in?

She began to glow a red and before she could say anything as she stared towards the mistress a slight fear flashed in her cold eyes then vanished as the uniform came onto her. (Cyclora) She stared down at it suddenly feeling bare as her cloak had left her body. The red plaid skirt and polo's along with the shirt with the house's emblium on it, she twitched and she slowly stepped from the 'stage' and hesitantly made her way perfectly careful not to touch anyone.
She sat alone at the table, away from the others. Her hand came down flat on the table and she stared at the mistress before realising her hand. Eyes shot down, her gaze adverting to her hand as she quickly pulled it from the table. A frosted handprint was left in it's place and she stared at it uneasily before her gaze scanned the table. Making sure to scoot away from anyone who got to close to her.

There's some crap after this where Ookami and Headmistress talk about the girl's frozen touch and a bunch of NPC kids look at Ookami like she's a freak which she is. Headmistress Forter gives her special gloves to negate the frozen touch but guess what... in EVERY POST Ookami brings up her frozen touch. She's determined to milk her curse for all it's worth and no dumb gloves that could help her will stand in the way.

Next we have Jared Darken who is pansexual, pureblood, always carries a snake on his shoulders, can read minds and auras, likes sex, is wealthy and is a big sweetie except when he spray paints cars for fun.
There isn't much to be said for this guy since he only posted a dozen times on the forum. Like Ookami and her frozen touch, this guy brings up his snake a lot and there isn't too much you can do if that's all you've got. And he and his snake ended up in Caballus.

Next is Rhyne Launer, a self proclaimed sparkling hottie. I can't even post his banner here because it's so damn big. Obviously the author likes this actor and makes him awesome. He has a big ego and big heart, is a pureblood, is bi-curious and has a thing for his male cousin, Ryan. In fact, they can link their minds telepathically. His rpg example shows Rhyne and Ryan coming close to getting it on while swimming together.

So what House will Rhyne be in?

Rhyne looked down at the platform then his body. He noticed he was glowing a blue color. He didn't panic but he was really scared. He looked around and then he looked back down at his body. He now had a blue outfit on with a badge on his chest of a Dolphin. He smiled and walked off to his table. (Delphis)

Ookami throws this little piece of depression in:

It was interesting how her mind worked, here she'd be dead silent and appear shy, in her dorm and when she was somewhat alone she'd be as cold as her touch. She mumbled something under her breath as she slipped off the left glove and ran her finger along the table.
She spelt out in cursive:
Not Alone
Next is another character created by Ookami's author. She's a mermaid named Nimaway Lee Glen. She's a bisexual half-blood and even though she's a mermaid, she can shape shift into a human. She is drop dead gorgeous and loves everyone and everything and hates mean people because they suck. Her dad ran out on her mom after learning she was a mermaid. Nimaway can't wait to shape shift into the form of other students because she's just that special.

What House will she be in? Duh! Delphis. And her clothes didn't change because she's a big, special shape shifter. Puke.

Finally we have Kahlen Fiona J. Smith who looks like Jessica Alba and is plucky enough to redo the entire bio to fit how cute she is. Seriously. There are paragraphs dedicated to her hair, eyes, skin, lips and her firebolt shaped birthmark behind her ear. That's correct. You read that right. She even mentions Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Voldemort in her bio because she didn't really read the premise of the rpg. This quote sums her up:

"Throughout her years at Astral, up to now, she had learned more than ever, she had been able to transfigure do spells correctly, make Potions, become a better mermaid and telepath and most of all had fun. Now, she must face challenges, survive contests and everything."

Better mermaid??? That shows up no where in her bio but this line. I have no idea why I'm questioning this. She's just all around awesome.

How does she fare in the Sorting thread? Essentially, she's left high and dry by Headmistress Forter. The Headmistress' last post is the one where she accepts Kahlen's assy character, makes her a Delphis and begs her to stay and role play. Kahlen trots herself over to the Sorting thread and waits to stand on the platform but Headmistress Forter never shows up.

So, like the rpg from All Sued Up and No Place to RP, this rpg didn't run well under the weight of all it's special players. These Mary Sues and Gary Stus just crush it to death with the constant drama or inability to get it on with other students because the population is so low.

This site has been taken over by sex ads and wowposter. It sits, lonely and dusty. Even the sparkles have faded, never again to blind us. R.I.P. Astral Academy. You didn't stand a chance.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Good Riddance to Bad Dads

If a Mary Sue's parents aren't killed by vampires, she needs to take matters into her own hands and kill her parents herself. How else is she going to have a tragic past? Of course it's not her fault. Mary Sues always have a very good reason for killing their parents. In fact, they are more likely to kill their fathers because he's been a horrible, molesting bastard. Hasta la vista, Daddy!

"In her young adult years, she had an argument brought up about her unchanging behaviours and not moving out, so she shot her dad. Unable to stand the look on her mother's face and the screaming, she opened fire until she got her in the head."

"She killed her father (he betrayed Konoha) on her mission and ever since that moment, she doesn't talk anymore."

"Her father taught her how to kill without mercy, how to be relentless and cruel. She was the ultimate killing machine. When she was 16, she killed her father and released herself from the underworld."

"She killed her father in cold blood and something happen to her mother but she won’t say where she is or if she is alive…. all she says is "she’s with the dragons"."

"Bio: Princess of Majora, a land of vampires and demons. She's half demon half vampire. She killed her father along with most of her people."

"One night, after her father had finished hitting her with his belt she waited till he went to bed. Covered in bruises her crept in to the kitchen, silent tears streaming gently down her pale cheeks. She pulled out her dad's ready loaded handgun and crept back down the hall. She shot her dad four times in the chest before turning the gun on her little sisiter and pulling the trigger."

"(Yes and she's still in high school...she dropped out after she killed her father, and moved to Nagoya about a year later to start school again, and to run away from any of the police that may be looking for her XP)"

"It wasn't until Kira was older that she found her power to kill someone just by skin to skin contact. Infact thats how she killed her father, he came home after work one day and she ran to hug him."

"Miyuki as she reminisces about her past: in a fit of anger, she stabbed her father, a police officer. She fled due to the fear that she would be arrested, and the shame of what she had done."

"She stabbed her father by accident. Thats how he dies. Thank you."

"The night of Tera's 10Th birthday was when it took effect......everyone she had ever loved or cared for, died by her hands. Before she murdered her father he burst into tears, realizing the horrible fate he had brought upon his daughter. Later she was raised by a human couple who taught her the ninja arts, but two years later, her curse took over and she murdered them in their sleep."

"When Kiri was a child her mother abandons her and left her father, leaving her father to raise her. Her father was always drunk and very abusive. Half of her life her father had beat her and molested her, giving her the dark, serious personality. After a few years of being abused and molested by her father she finally decided that she couldn’t take it anymore, she murdered her father and soon left her home."

"Consumed by hatred, she murdered her father and fled the house, not getting far before an unmarked van pulled behind her and whisked her away before she could blink."

"Sam looked at her from the window and saw Lillix pull out a gun from the back of her pants...and in cold blood, she shot her father right between the eyes...."

"and- she shot her dad on self defense...but doesnt really like talking about it much"

"She escaped when she was 17 years of age when she found out she could transform into a strange new kind of dragon and make bones as sharp as blades come out of her hand. She killed her father that night and became Queen. She later ordered her mother to death. Out of all this she has grown to believe that there is only gold and dead enemies."

"At the age of 10 she met Gaara and was atracted to him. She was the only one who loved and understanded Gaara and was with him for a year. Then her father took her away from him and locked her up. In that time she enhanced her medical ninjutsu and was vey powerfull. She killed her father and went back to find Gaara when she was 15."

"Born into the middle class of the Co'orhem elves, Yukiko had a fairly normal upbringing until, at the age of 19, her mother died of a terminal illness. Her father went mad with grief, then simply just went mad, as he started to physically and sexually assault his own daughter. When she turned 25 she killed her father in his sleep and left her home in search of work."

"All day long her mind had been wandering back to the night when she killed her father. Today was that day... 5 years ago on this exact day. She had lived with his murder for that long, and has goten away with it since. Though what puzzled her most was not the fact she killed him... it was the fact she enjoyed killing him."

"Once she killed her father, she felt like she couldn't stop and killed everyone in the house. She was later put in an assylum for another two years. When she was fifteen, she was released from the assylum and was able to live a normal life. She was living on her own for a year, but a family friend later signed her up to be in the Cross Academy so she could find a place where she could find peace."

"Kaldemar worshiped her, wanting nothing more than to please her. She had turned his own teaching against him, with magnified skills, and he was nothing more than her puppet afterwards. His pathetic excuses for lessons were nothing compared to what she did to him in return. Eventually, she killed her father after becoming bored with him and totally engrossed in Kaldemar."

"Celeste was exiled from her land when she poisoned her dad on her 16th. nobody knew if she did it on purpose or not but her brother was the one that decided to exile Celeste."

Seriously, I had to cut myself off from these. I found a staggering amount of Sues who killed their fathers. Dads tend to drop like flies all over the Sue world. I saved the best for last because you knew it had to happen:

"bio- nekomata is the demon passed down from her mother/ at age three she killed her father in revenge for her mother and brother's death"

Neko is not just a way of life, it's a damn virus!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

She'll Graduate Magna Cum Sue

This Sue is from an rpg about an Academy for vampires. I've seen many vampire schools but I will never get the idea behind it. I guess they can spend time learning practical things like math and science but when you've seen as many vampires in schools (or just any rpg set in a school) as I have, it's clear you can't teach them anything. They are all super smart and skilled in everything BEFORE they even enter the school.

Name-Lyric Blossom Angel (Oh Hell. Hell no. No way. Way. She has SUCH a Mary Sue name and we just started.)

Age-16 (You know what? She's a vampire who looks 16 and actually is 16. If she's physically aging but will live forever, she's gonna spend most of her existence looking scary!)
Power-Lyric can controle fire in a stunging way.She still has a little problem useing it but other than that she is very good. (Her stunging abilities are not great but still great but her waffling skills will astound you!)

Weapon:Bow and Arrow (I wish this bio had included info on why she needs these weapons and what she uses them for. Her background history isn't specific on this fact. I guess she just needs something else to be awesome at and this rounds out her many gifts.)

Bio-Lyric was always alone as a child she was born as a pure blood vampire.At times she hates being a vampire cause everyone dosent like her not even her own vampire parents. (Her parents don't even like her because she's a vampire?) At the age of 10 she fanily left to go live on her own and she has been doing great.Well then she found cross Academy and told the Cair man she was a vampire he was very pleased to have her here.He gave her little pills that go in water and gives the taste of blood but she wish it was real blood. She moved into her drom room and has live there for 6 years. (It's so sweet that despite all her tragedies, this vampire is able to land on her feet. She narrowly avoided being a trailer trash vampire.)

Personality-Lyric is a loner and dosent talk much.She not shy she just dosent always like to deal with people she rather be alone but when it comes to a fight she is all in it and wont back down till she wins. (If she speaks as well as she communicates here, no wonder she chooses not to. Perhaps she gets into fights because so many people ask her what stunging is.) She can be bossy at times. (But she doesn't talk much???? How can she be bossy and shy all at once????? DOES NOT COMPUTE!) During class she awlays stands by the window looking at the moon. (I have a feeling that at this school, most of the students are depressed and like to stare out the window.) When she is in a serious mood you better back off or she will snap at you if you do somthing wrong. (But she's shy. Except for the times she's bossy or in a bad mood.)

Looks- (See the scared, anime child with the submissive pose and runny mascara.)
Blood type-pure blood. (Did she mention that?)

Addition to the Unfortunate Typo Files: This guy was afraid of how people would view his rpg about different ethnic gangs fighting over a city:

"To all those who called me "Raciest": You forget that I am a fan of JAPANESE CARTOONS and LISTEN TO THE BLUES."

Speak little and be a Mary Sue....

No one will ever be able to convince me there's a good reason for making character so painfully shy that they speak very little or not at all. For one thing, this makes it hard for characters to communicate if the character sticks strongly to this trait. Everything must be one sided and, believe it or not, that leaves the silent character in control of the scene.

But more than that, these characters need to be taken care of. They need to be babied and protected not only because they don't speak but also because the reason they don't speak probably has something to do with some major tragedy. Poor, wittle Sue was tormented into silence.

At least these Mary Sues spare us the witty banter.

"She doesn't speak much, however if she does she usually delivers some kind of information that is relevant to the situation at hand."

"Personality: Well... she doesn’t speak too much. She’s ashamed of her voice and goes to great lengths to keep from talking, even as far as learning a bit of sign language and carrying a notepad around wherever she goes so she can write down the things she wants to say to people. "

"Personality: Alice is a shy person. She doesn't speak often and keeps to herself. She doesn't like to be around many people, andwsometimes wishes that she wasn't born."

"She has pale skin, and she doesn't like to be touched by anyone but her adopted mother, Kaitlyn. She doesn't speak much, although when spoken to, her voice is like a song by itself. She's been told she was unbelievably gorgeous, although at times she is disgusted with herself."

"Personality :: Naomi is very quiet. She doesn't speak much unless absolutely needed."

"She is, indeed, a good girl and does as she is told. She doesn't speak much, but when she speaks, it's worth listening to."

"Personality: Nindeth is rather quiet, she doesn't speak easily to people she doesn't know well. Only those with patience and kindness can truly learn to know her. She is calm and collected, always thinks before she acts."

"She doesn't speak much, but is full of wisdom and skill in all areas."

"Miu is such a quiet girl. She doesn't speak very much and is basically shy. She doesn't like to be in crowds or be the center of attention. She even gets uncomfortable when just one person is looking at her."

Don't let being mute fool you. She's still wise beyond her years, terribly gorgeous and skilled at everything.

"Personality: Aiko is an extremely shy girl, and being mute doesn't help her with social skills (not many people know the mute language), she can be seen as an anti-social kid, but, the truth is, she's just most of the time ignored."

"Manfred bowed his head down low, but he was kicking himself on the insides. "Duh huh Manfred! She's mute you moron!" he thought to himself. He didn't really know what to say, he felt sorry for her but didn't want to bug her about it."

"Boi: Layanna is a rather strange girl. She's mute, but can understand others fine. Also she can't hold much energy herself, so she dances to summon enough energy for her spells."

"One of her ears is shredded from a fight with a dog, and she's mute, but has found a way to communicate through her sister, Still. Heavily pregnant, but her mate was killed, so looking for another one."

"Name: Shizuka/ Which means quiet in japanese
Specal: She's mute... That means she cant talk"

"A few moments of silent finger-talk later, the incident is forgotten. Sirco is a mute. At the start, it was hard to communicate, but by using basic gestures and translating it in written form, both Roland and Shuffle now knew enough to communicate with their "sister"."

"Stand-offish at first, Rosuto is a quick obeserver; picking up everything that a normal person would miss. Quick, soft-spoken for when she does speak, but most of the time she's mute; Rosuto seems to have a soft spot for the hard-luck cases."

"Phyre is a thief, born and raised on the streets of Firelle, due to the unexplained death of her parents when she was just three years old. Now she is nineteen years old and a little over five feet tall with long red hair and green eyes. Normally, however, her hair is tied in a bun to keep it out of her way, especially while working. She's mute and has a dragon symbol tattooed on her tongue."

"Mistkit is a silent kit, of course, and prefers to stay to herself most of the time, stuck in her 'obsessive shell' of things. Nonetheless, she is a very, very hyper and playful kit, and wants to prove to herself and ShadowClan that just because she's mute, does not mean she has no destiny or cannot be a Warrior."

And, because it had to happen:

"Other:She's mute,and a very good computer hacker.She's also a neko."

Leggo That Neko!

Just when you thought Kawaii couldn't get any weirder, here I am to bring you more proof of what's wrong with it. Here are some more terms you need to know about anime:

Neko - Not a candy

Cat ears. We've all laughed at rpg characters with them but what is the story? Why are there so many cat boys and cat girls sneaking into every aspect of rpg culture? The term for this is 'neko' which means 'cat' in Japanese. I suppose there could be many really good reasons why neko isn't creepy but I'm not buying any of them.

Supposedly it has nothing to do with being a furry. I haven't found anything that solidly defines the distinction between having cat ears not being a furry. It seems, just having cat ears, purring and licking oneself is not at all like a furry even though furries have been known to have cat's ears, purr and lick themselves. Not at all similar though. Stop being confused!

There is a feeling that having cat ears shows one's virginity and innocence. Usually characters with cat ears are very childish or cute. Kawaii is all about being cute and child-like but that doesn't at all explain the sexpot neko characters with giant breasts, guns on each hip and sultry, sleek cat ears. These characters with feline traits are mysterious and slinky. Perhaps they are the natural evolution of little kitten-human babies all grown up and ready for some pouncing.

Cat eared people, being like cats, may have attributes such as being seductive, patient, graceful, sly, agile, stealthy and dangerous when the claws come out. Since many cultures revere cats, these wanna-bes often have supernatural powers such as superhuman strength, psychic abilities and many lives to fall back on. What more could a Mary Sue want?


Do not confuse chibi with neko even though the two can occur at the same time. 'Chibi' means "small child" or "short person." This is a supercute form of a grown character. This would be the child version of an adult that appears for no obvious reason other than to wring out the cuteness until there is no more. An rpg with a chibi theme might have one or all of the normal grown characters (sometimes canons) appearing as babies.

How cute would it be to fully analyze a diaper fetish? Wheeee! Harry Potter may have a diaper rash and Little Hermione might have to pull off his diaper and rub ointment all over his wittle, baby bottom. Seriously, children are not off limits sexually when it comes to chibi. All you need to do is slap some fake cat ears on that baby and start masturbating.

SD Does Not Mean "Scary, Deeply" But Should

Super Deformed, or SD, refers to the way a character is changed to make them look younger or cuter. This would be the giant soccer ball eyes and the huge, lolling head that couldn't possibly be supported by the neck it's attached to. This type of thing makes banner and avatar artists go all squee when they get to make deformed, anime babies for themselves and other players.


I don't have any. I haven't seen the decent side to any of this. In every circumstance where I've come aross neko, chibi or Super Deformation, it's all about children and sex. There is nothing cute about any of this. I'll read any opposing arguments that anybody has but it will take a lot for me to not be completely yucked out by it all.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dancing with the Mary Sues

We already know she's stronger than she looks but how does she look? Besides the curves, the stunning eyes and the flowing tresses, what does she have left? Legs? Thighs? Arms? Butt? Belly? How do these things all fit together on a Mary Sue's beautiful body? What body does that leave her? With the body of a dancer. Or a dancer's body if you're nitpicky.

"Most say she has the body of a dancer, with long agile legs, small chest and graceful features. She moves with a feline grace."

"She has the body of a dancer, and moves like one, with muscles strong but unseen beneath her pale flesh."

"She has the body of a dancer. Her normal dress is either loose flowing skirts that are easy to move in and peasant tops or soft leather pants and a peasant top."

"She has long, thick blonde hair she prefers to wear loose and straight, and bright blue eyes. Standing at 5’7", she has the body of a dancer: soft curves, skinny legs, and a long neck."

"Description: Eli’s hair about waist length and is always gets blown in the wind; she is tall and beautiful, and she has the body of a dancer."

"Skin is pale...but not as pale as her families. You can tell she's been out in the sun for a while. She's got the body of a dancer: lithe and with long legs. She stands at 5'9"."

"She holds her self with dignaty and grace... most of the time. She has the body of a dancer, very will toned all over and slender. Portrayed by: Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana."

"Inside was a young woman, probably Orpheus’s age or a bit younger, long black hair that looked to be her natural color rather they dyed and a slim and slender body of a dancer."

"Sylvana is physically tall and slender, with what some might call the body of a dancer. Though she is fit, its quite difficult to tell, and therefore others are often misled to think that she is of average fitness, when she is closer to that of an athlete, not a professional one though."

"Physical Attributes: She is small and petite. She is very attractive and has the lean, curvy body of a dancer."

"Elspeth is tall and slender; the body of a dancer. She has long brown hair, and has pale, freckle-less skin. She has large, very dark brown eyes that always seem to be searching for something. She has full lips, and a thin nose. She speaks with an American accent."

"She is wonderfully beautiful, with the body of a dancer and skin that is absolutely flawless."

"He has the body of a dancer, tall, lean and muscular, Muscles are very well defined because of his lack of body fat."

"At 16 years old, Kelsie was the object of affection to nearly every man in her class, including teachers. The body of a dancer and the personality to match it."

"Sloan stands at about 5'5, has the body of a dancer and the face of an angel..and she certainly knows how to work all of that into her own little manipulating package. She has a set of big brown eyes that can bring a man to his knees just by her fluttering her eyelashes and a smile that could stop traffic from blocks away."

"Alexa is shorter than most people, but she has a dancer's body: compact, lithe, and beautiful. Her emerald green eyes flash with anger or sparkle with happiness, and her intricately braided long red hair swirls and sways with her movements."

"Appearance: She has a very feminine, curvy figure with an exotic accent, though she has a dancer's body."

What does Harry Potter think of this Mary Sue? He doesn't have to decide. She'll tell him.

"When she thought she was just another just another muggle she did ballet and she has the body of a dancer. She is skinny weighing in at an even 100 pounds but she is rather small only about 5’0" in height (Therefore making her as Harry puts it "Exceptionally good at dodging bludgers)."

What's Black & White and Gary Stu All Over?

I've tried. I really have. I've done everything short of actually joining a furry rpg and attempting to play. I've read through tons of furry rpgs and sat in judgment about why they like this sort of thing and I still come back confused by it. This bio is no help in my understanding of how mystical and magical it may be to associate oneself with an animal. I still find it all very silly.

Name: Issaeor Eschill (Ess-shill) (How do you say his first name? I see it as Eye Sore)
Age: 25
Species: Emperor Penguin (LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! Furries are so weird.)

Height: 5'5"
Weight: 145 lbs
Fur or skin description: Black head and back with furlike feathers. He has an elongated face and the standard bird beak-like mouth (Which moves to speak with lips, etc.) (Penguins don't have lips. They really don't. Beaks are lipless. Have I mentioned furries are weird?) He had a white chest and, unlike most of his kind, he is thin and fit. (Yeah. Those other chubby penguins who use their fat to stay warm are losers.) He had yellow feathers behind his eyes leading to his chin. His feathery hair is only a bit of a puff off of the top of his head, which he keeps well-groomed. His finlike arms are kept shiny and clean. He limps on his left leg. (Snowboarding accident?)

Eye color(s): Yellow (With little, yellow flecks in them.)
Nationality: Junswu (Born Arciti) (Terrible neighborhood, as I understand it. Lots of penguin drugs and penguin crimes.)

Personality: Issaeor is optimistic and friendly, although he is a bit shy. It takes him a while to get used to people, but if something strikes his curiosity or interest, he becomes more open (Which isn't difficult.) (All you really need are a few shiny pebbles.) He is aware of how awkward he acts and looks and often uses it to break awkward moments with humor. (Eye Sore: "If I even look at another krill, the weight will go straight to my hips.")

History: Issaeor's father abandoned him after his mother was killed by a Seal, (A VAMPIRE SEAL!) for he had no way to feed his son or himself without Issaeor's mother. (She sure did bring home the krill.) He lived alone, scrummaging for what he could eat and use to survive for a year, eventually breaking his leg. (In a really, terrible snowboarding accident!) He was adopted by a pair that had lost their chick to the cold, and was raised by them, growing stronger. When he finally reached adolescence and was to live on his won, however, his adoptive father brought him to a Husky trading port, where a Tiger named Khable made him his apprentice. (An apprentice what? Seriously, before you read further, consider what is happening here. A tiger is training a penguin to be an apprentice. What sort of job could this possibly be? Just guess.) Issaeor learned to become a Magi and grew up in Junswu. (A Magi??? Of course? I bet your answer seems silly now, doesn't it?) Now, in order to join his mentor's Order, he has to travel for ten years and see the world, which he intends to do.

Occupation: Magi-for-hire (I was guessing that the tiger was going to teach him to taste good but what do I know?)
Class: Magi (Or else I was imagining the tiger teaching the penguin how to bring down an antelope or something. I will just never understand furries.)

Powers: As he was taught by Junswu Magi, his spells tend to deal in extremes. His magic is very potent, but also requires a great deal of energy. His emotions and personality usually deals in healing, traps, and boosting abilities. (Huh? What sort of magic does he do? I'm reading this as: He has great powers. Wondrous powers. Amazingly, cool powers. And on the side he heals, traps and boosts abilities because that's where his personality and emotions lie or excel or whatever. I don't know. I think he just gave himself free license to Gary Stu without telling us how he plans on doing it. He'll just pull random magic out of his little penguin ass.)

Weapons: Issaeor wields a scimitar and a pistol. (LOL! He carries weapons? Little, tiny weapons fitted to his little, tiny wings? Wait! If I find that even the little, tiniest bit cute, does that mean I like furries now? Damn it!)

Skills: Junswu Magi powers; (Which are..... what?) proficient with Scimitar and similar swords; proficient with pistol (Just picture it! His little, tiny, feathery wings wrapped around around a scimitar or squeezing on the trigger of a pistol. It's sort of adorable. Lord help me.)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

That's My Name, Don't Take a Crap On It

I've only shown you a few scifi rpgs/bios so I dredged up another. This bio comes from an interesting forum where random rpgs are set up all the time. One person will start a thread with the scenario of the rpg and a bio form. Others who want to be a part of that rpg will reply with a bio and then when enough characters are available, the role playing game will start spontaneously. It's kind of cool. If you can keep it straight, you can be involved in several rpgs all on one site and each rpg will (ideally) come to a logical conclusion. When it's over, you just search out a new rpg. No big deal.

In this rpg, aliens came to Earth and accidentally made the human race sick. They try to help a small group of humans by giving them an extra circulatory system. This new race is called "Hemophoric" and their blood helped cure the human race but now some humans are addicted to these Hemophorics. These special humans are trotted around like whores... unless, of course, you are a Mary Sue who is wise, strong and just more awesome than someone awesome!

Name: Cadence Strong
Age: 16
Race/Species: Hemophoric
Side: anti-Hemophorin
Appearance: She has wavy red hair that ends just below her shoulders and light brown/golden-y eyes. (Golden-y eyes? No flecks? I feel cheated.) She usually wears autumn colors (yellow, orange, or red)(Great colors to where when one is hiding!) and sweatshirts/long-sleeved t-shirts or jeans (wears extra to cover up her second circulatory system, which, like a regular person can see their veins, people can see). Average height and weight, and because she’s athletic she’s strong and fit. Very friendly looking. (She's a little Kawaii: spazzy and childish. She's not at all effected by her circumstances because she barely understands them.)

Personality: Outgoing and laid-back, she’s quite the opposite of her best friend, Amelia. She doesn’t care what people think of her, much to Amelia’s dismay. She can keep a secret very well (more about that later) and is very ambitious. She has the same desire to prove herself as Amelia does, but for an entirely different reason. Hides behind a mask of joviality, is actually angry and disgusted with herself. (Oh! She is emo Kawaii. That's hard to pull off.)

Biography: Her parents were killed because they both had the extra circulatory system (they both dealt in the market for awhile, but wanted out because they didn’t want to get their daughter involved in it, too; no one knows what happened to their bodies – and NO, I’m not planning on having them show up surprisingly and say "Oh, no, we weren’t really killed" so don’t worry, they really are dead). (This doesn't get her out of being a Mary Sue. I'll deduct half a point.) She went to the same orphanage as Amelia and both were adopted by families in the same town. Her adoptive parents don’t know about her second circulatory system because she’s learned to hide it so well, but she’s always trying to prove that she isn’t like the rest of the hemophorics. She wants to prove that she can overcome the general prejudice of them. (I'm already prejudiced about the way she is. She's lively, smart, bouncy, athletic, friendly and drop dead gorgeous. But that's just a Mary Sue. I hate to point out that overcoming a prejudice about being a hemophoric means telling everyone what she is. Oops!)

Powers: Slight enhanced senses, or whatever the hemophorics can do. (The author didn't even pay attention to the premise of the story? That's a very bad sign.) Perhaps each should be particularly adept in only one certain area; for example, one hemophoric has a very sharp sense of smell. In that case, her special sense would be hearing. (Oh... now we are rewriting the premise to suit ourselves?) Also, very athletic and involved in sports. (Also, very pathetic and involved with dorks.)

Weaknesses: Chocolate milk. No, I’m not joking – she’s allergic to it but loves it (how can you NOT love chocolate milk?). (For real? She's gonna do that? Some fancy schmancy hemophoric is lactose intolerant? A glass of chocolate milk will bring her down? It's her kryptonite?) Also, very sensitive when it comes to her heritage. (Yeah! Don't hate her because she's awesome!) Because she has good hearing, loud noises frighten her, really hurt her ears, and make her a bit deaf sometimes (like if you suddenly see a really bright light, it takes your eyes some time to adjust). (So Mariah Carey is also her kryptonite?) Deathly afraid of worms. (She gonna be the worm face! But seriously, this chick has no actual weaknesses.) Doesn’t like addicts to hemophorin. (Again, some chocolate milk, loud noises, a handful of fishing bait and some harsh words will make her sweat? Nothing will actually beat her if she's attacked. The sheer power of her Mary Sueness will protect her from everything.)


Worms are very scary and dangerous, mind you. Just so you know. They're slimy and evil and I'm sure they're trying to take over the world. (Aw, damn, she's a cutesy little emo, Kawaii, scifi teenager. I hope she brings up her irrational fear of night crawlers a lot for comedy relief. I really do.)

Writing profiles is very fun. Get a chance to exercise my writing skills, and it's something to do when you've got writer's block. (You know what's also great for writer's block? Obstacles. Sure, you have the whole "afraid to show your identity" thing but beyond that, it doesn't mean crap if that character isn't in any danger of being exposed. Danger is conflict which is a thing stories need. Standing around and being cutesy and untouchable gets old real fast.)

Just like the vampire who hates being a vampire, this chick seeks to straddle both sides of the conflict. Her character has a bubble around her that keeps her away from any real plot development. This story didn't last long but she spent most of it speaking in baby talk to her friend Amelia. The real action centered around the people who actually did want to put their characters on the line, expose them to threats and take some blows. Not skip around and be wonderful.

Cadence, I chose you for your name and you have sorely let me down. The next Cadence I find better have some balls.

It Sucks Being a Vampire

Even vampires hate themselves. Imagine that. They are just filled with angst, guilt and inner torment about what they are. Some vampires just have trouble embracing the cold-blooded killer within. They whine their way across the Earth and through eternity because their undead lifestyle is such a great burden to them.

Where does this come from? I imagine it's because many a Suethor would like to be a part of the normal rpg storyline next to the good guys but they strive to be better and stronger than everyone else. Vampires are strong, very seductive and occasionally have awesomely, cool super powers but, traditionally, they are meant to be evil bloodsuckers. How do you get around that? How do you reconcile all those evil thoughts and deeds? You become a vampire that hates being a vampire. You hate killing innocent people so you swear it off by vowing to only feed on animals, going to blood blanks, seeking out willing victims and sucking only on the elderly or society's worst humans. You spend your time fighting evil next to the good guys and trying to convince them you are nice. Oh, the great turmoil that churns up your soul and spits it out just makes you horny, doesn't it?

"Now he is a vampire who hates being a vampire who has just be informed of a different way. Called a blood bank."

"She hates being a vampire and enjoys watching things die before her, though deep down, maybe her soft heart will resurface."

"Apperance: Blonde bangs that cover his eyes slightly, wears black t-shirt and faded denim jeans
Extra: Vampire
Bio: He hates being a vampire, he wants to be human."

"She hates the fact that she's a vampire, she just wants to be normal."

"Bio: is a vampire, and *trys* to keep it secret. she is so far succesful... and she has vampire abilitys like ice and shapeshifting and extreme phisical ability(only uses when neccecery) she hates being a vampire blue, black, and silver Runner"

"she hates driking blood but has to to survive,and hates being a vampire because she feels as if she wasnt maybe people wouldnt treat her so cold and like her.since shes a vampire she trys not to get close to anyone so in the end she dosent end up hurting them."

"Attitude: He hates being a vampire. Ever since his syre died he has tried to find ways to remove his vampire blood, to no success. Sometimes he walks in the sunlight to try and wear it off but he always comes out worse for wear."

"Other:hates being a vampire wants to be human"

"Personaltiy: funny and brave, Tican can still have a caring side too. He talks whenever he feels like it. He hates being a vampire."

"Bio-Lyric was always alone as a child she was born as a pure blood vampire.At times she hates being a vampire cause everyone dosent like her not even her own vampire parents."

"Meanwhile, Genevieve sulks in Language Arts class about how much she hates being a vampire, and how she’d rather rot in Hell."

"He hates being a vampire.He hates having to kill,having to drink blood(partly because of morals,partly because it's highly inconvenient),all the legends and lore associated with his race,and he'd like to be able to enjoy the sun without worrying that it'd bake him alive."

"I personally liked Jenny as a vampire. Wish she would stay that way. Still, Jenny hates being a vampire and she is the one being it, so I always help her."

"Personality: very agile; quick learner; cares for nature; hates vampires with a strong passion [she wants revenge]; honest; not the bravest person you've ever met, but very brave when she has to be; determined
Weakness: gullible; afraid of too much emotion; very sensitive about her past; can be blinded by her hate towards the vampires"

"Others: second head cheerleader, most popular girl in school hates being a vampire, never shows it but she lives with it"

"Breif Bio: Despite being one herself, she hates being a vampire. As a result, she is usually seen conversing with humans and tends to ignore people she knows are vampires as well. Diong so, though, has gotten her lots of enemies, which is why she carries around her trusty Glock."

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Anime is Here to Stay... er... Stink

I don't like anime. You may have noticed. It gives me a general skeevy feeling everytime I see those giant eyes and impossible hair that anime characters have. Someday I might try to sneak into an anime rpg just to see what this creepy underbelly of rpg culture is like. Before I do and, perhaps, before you do, here are some terms to be aware of:

Bishounen: (Or Bishonen) This means "beautiful boy." This is when a male character is very feminized. He may be homosexual or just very girly. A character like this is often very smart, creative and sexual but not usually in an aggressive or offiensive way. But do not be mistaken: Gary Stu's run this category. They are all terribly witty and have martial arts abilities. The Mary Sue equivalent is "Bishoujo" even though it's redundant because Mary Sues are always beautiful.

Chanslash: (Also known as 'shouta' or 'shota') The word "chan," used as a suffix, is an affectionate Japanese term for children. When coupled with the word "slash," it means underage sex. Both or one of the characters involved in sexual activities is a child and they can be horribly graphic. Normal slash communities tend to find this stuff offensive and encourage those involved to clearly mark that a story or rpg contains chanslash but you may not find it until you stumble into it.

Ecchi: In Japanese, this is how the letter 'H' is pronounced. 'H' as in Hentai. It's a wink, wink, nudge, nudge way of getting around this word.

Henshin: The act of turning into a magical alter ego. Your dull character of Elsie Horace puts on a magical necklace and her mousy, brown hair and hazel eyes disappear and she turns in Mary Sue with waste length blonde tresses and shimmering, purple eyes and she can fight crime with her rapier wit and sharp katana.

Hentai: This refers to extremely kinky sex and horrific levels of porn. Perhaps porn that even the most seasoned of horndogs might shudder at. Also called "tentacle porn," like chanslash, this stuff should always be clearly marked but isn't always. Participants in hentai can be gay, lesbian, straight, young, old, human, vampire, dog, cat, squid, alien, plant, park bench, resident of Delaware or whatever sort of filthy kink combinatination you can come up with.

Ketsuekigata: This means a universal knowing of what someone is all about based on knowing just their blood type. I was going to make fun of this because I assumed it was just a comic book thing but it is taken seriously in Japan. Have a look here! Then again, when you calculate all the possibilities such as vampire, werewolf or whatever blood, you get a whole new set of rules that make this theory lame.

Lemon: This refers to a porn-heavy level of hentai. This is the hardcore stuff that will blow your mind.

Lime: This is a mild level of hentai that might be okay for some audiences. More stuff is suggested or happens "offscreen." There's still sex but it's mentioned in a PG-13 way.

Yaoi: Male on Male action! HoYay! Harry/Draco, Draco/Ron, Ron/Neville, Hagrid/Dobby, Angel/Spike, Warren/Andrew, Kirk/Spock, House/Cameron, Charlie/Sawyer, Edward/Jasper, J.D./Turk, Tony/Silvio... You get the idea, right?

Yuri: Female on Female action! Hermione/Luna, Buffy/Willow, Britney/Christina, Bella/Esme... and so on.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Anime is a strange and silly world and the stranger and sillier it gets, the more insane the sexual situations are. More definitions are on the way though it may kill me to look at more of this crap.

Mary Sue Jokes: Part Three

I don't know if these amuse anyone else but me but who cares? Enjoy!


Three rpg characters are traveling in the Amazon; Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Cadence. They get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to Mary Sue, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Mary Sue responds, "I will take oil because even though my stepfather use to rape me and beat me, I am still a delicate flower!" So they put oil on her back, and a large Amazon whips her 10 times. When he is finished, Mary Sue has huge welts on her back and can hardly move. The Amazons haul the Mary Sue away. They say to Gary Stu, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" Gary Stu says. He stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask Cadence. She responds, "I'll take Gary Stu!"


How is a Mary Sue different from a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.


A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a Mary Sue!


One day, God calls on Gary Stu and says, "Gary Stu, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. The bad news is that I only gave you enough blood to operate one organ at a time."


What's a Tragic Sues favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme


How do you save Gary Stu from drowning?
Take your foot off of his head.


What do Tootsietramps and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their backs they're screwed!


Why do Gary Stus have to flex their muscles around women so much?
Because they have nothing else to brag about.


What's the difference between a Mary Sue and the Titanic?
They know how many went down on the Titanic.


A bitchiwitch, a qanonreip and a sparklypoo walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

All That Glitters Is Just Pyrite

"Description Chin length brown hair, that has natural red highlights in it. Brown eyes with gold flecks."

So why gold flecks? They make a Sue or Stu glittery and sparkly. When she or he looks at you with those shimmery eyes, it's hard to look away because her beauty or his handsomness is so overwhelming. Perhaps those eyes are intriguing or romantic. Eyes with gold flecks in them may indicate a magical and mysterious lineage that makes them all the more awesome and unique than those around them... assuming, of course, that all the Mary Sues and Gary Stus around don't attempt the same level of awesome and uniqueness by also having goldeny flecky eyes. Would a Sue ever do that?

*Note how the hair is often highlighted as well. Yikes!

"Appearance: Blue eyes with green and gold flecks, Black hair with blue and gold highlights, tan skin, birthmark on neck-- wraps around and looks like a dragon,"

"His eyes are soft brown, with golden flecks that come out in the right light, giving him a predatory appearance in a way."

"Hair Color: Brown with blond bangs
Eye Color: Hazel with gold flecks"

"She has wavy, uneven, lower-back length, black hair into which beads and feathers are braided with eye length bangs. Her eyes are bright emerald green with gold flecks. She has slightly tanned skin, and a lean lithe yet well-gifted body from wearing little and hunting in the top foliage of the trees."

"Tall, taller than Galadriel or any female Elf, with perfect porcelain skin (luminous, clear, and pasty white), LONG (down to her ankles) luxurious golden hair that always seems to be flowing in the wind, and amethyst eyes with golden flecks, brighter than the stars. Sometimes TOO bright (they glow in the dark)."

"Her hair is a rich red, with streaks of gold in the heavy waves. The eyes are grey-blue with gold flecks, large and lashed thickly with brown lashes."

"Appearance: Very black hair, very green eyes, with gold flecks in them. Very handsome."

"Skin: Naturally pale, with a golden tan in the summer
Eyes: Amber with gold flecks"

"His eyes are sky-blue with golden flecks presenting themselves around the edges of his irises"

"So I promptly changed my form into what I was told my kin the sun elves look like: deep bronze skin, shiny black hair, no demon wings, and black eyes with gold flecks."

"She was always so beautiful when she laughed: her face lit up, her dimples shown, and the gold flecks in her eyes danced like stars in a sea of chocolate brown. She was breathtaking."

"His eyes were black with golden flecks in them, framed by his dirty blonde hair."

"Appearance: copper hair, emerald green eyes w/ gold flecks, slender, worn clothing
sorry, i'm sure u don't need another elf, so if u want me to be another race, let me know."

"Description: Longish brown hair, always braided. Brown eyes laced with bright gold flecks that glow when she uses her powers or when her emotions are on overdrive."

"Her eyes are green with golden flecks, encased inside a black ring that defines her eyes"

"Eye Colour: Dark green, with gold flecks.
Physical Mannerisms: Wears a tribal charm made of bones and feathers around his neck for no apparent reason."

"Looks: She has layered long brown hair with natural high-lights throughout. Her eyes are a similar color of brown with small gold flecks in them which make them resemble her hair even more."

"Her body became that of a tiger, golden with deep black stripes, her eyes became wider, a deep green with gold flecks, her hands and feet changed to massive paws; her mouth protruded and when she opened it to growl at him, she bared her very sharp teeth."

"Gold flecks in his green orbs caught the sun through the window and sparkled like amber and emerald."

"looking over her with emerald optics that seemed to glimmer. If you were close enough, you might be able to see tiny gold flecks in the irises... He blinked."

"Her paws are a bit on the darker side, with her long claws nearing a yellowish color. Akash's eyes are a liquid brown type, with golden flecks here and there."

"Looks: Palimino, stunning purple eyes with silver and gold flecks"

"Hair color: White w/ Electrum frosting
Eye Color: Violet with gold flecks
Skin Color: Creamy"

"Fine silver hair, fair skin (gold undertones), intense brown eyes with gold flecks"

Physical Description: Faythe is 5’4" with a slim, but muscular figure. She has long, dark brown, wavy hair with hot pink highlights. Her eyes are brown with gold flecks and a gentle face."

"Appearance: Greenish tan hair, long in the front and short in the back. His eyes are a sharp gray with gold flecks in his right eye around the pupil."

"Mirari's eyes are a changeable hazel green, speckled with gold flecks -- although it's not really recommended to get that up-close-and-personal with her. She might bite you. They waver between green, grayish, teal, and a sort of mingled green-brown-gold randomly."

Here's another addition to the Unfortunate Typo Files: (Sometimes spellchecker can bite you right in the ass!)

"Hazel dug into her pocket and pulled out a few heresy kisses. She then proceeded to jam them into her mouth chipmunk style. When Hazel was upset or stressed, she tended to eat chocolate by the handfuls. Suddenly remembering her manners, she dug several more out and held them out to Josh."

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Forks you! See what you've LaPushed me to?

A few days ago I saw the movie "Twilight." That was my first introduction to this series of books by Stephanie Meyers. This movie is currently all I know about the series and, I must say, it's all I need to know. I am utterly disappointed about what vampires have become. Sparkly in sunlight? They go to high school? Some even go around biting the prettiest and poutiest humans so they can join the leagues of pretty and pouting vampires that walk the Earth?

This series is hideous! Every canon character is a damned Sue! They are all good looking and all have some deeply sad background. Can you imagine what the original characters must look like if the canons are this bad?

Imagine no more! Here are some of the Sues I found in only one Twilight rpg. These are all 10 diffent Sues that appeared in only the first page (1 of 9) of an Accepted Character section. Some are long. I guess it's difficult to contain all the tragedy in a few lines.

1. "when angel was five his mom and him were taking a walk through the woods when all of a sudden they were attacked by about 3 wolves. they killed his mom and were about to finish him of when his father arrived and drove them away. he was all heeled up when his father noticed that he was changed. Angel had to move because people were getting a bit suspicious were he used to live."

Full name: Angel Chaos. Orientation: Bi. Looks Like: Alex Evans. Cadence: Not kidding.

2. "Serene's Parents are cold-hearted, and not wanting there own child, sent her away. They put up with Angel for as long as they could. But finally sent her to earth to live with Serene and Serene's Aunt. Angel doesn't know how her parents died, but their memory seems to haunt her."

She's a light angel and her avatar is anime. Does Twilight even have angels? Fuck Twilight if they do. It's worse than I thought.

3. "After her brother's death, several relatives came to watch Felicity while her parents were busy with their work. Particularly, an uncle, who made Felicity so uncomfortable, she would sneak away before he woke up. Because of this, she was beaten and locked into her room. Felicity learned to keep things inside, and now struggles with letting out her emotions."

Appearence (It mocks itself): "Her face usually has an air of mystery about it, as though she is concealing her thoughts and feelings."

4. "When she was 3 was when she first turned into a cat that was when her life and family all fell apart. That night her father out of anger murdered her mother cut her to bits and buried her in the woods. For years after her father brutally abused her After all those years of abuse she became quiet and shy. One day she had enough after he lashed her than had the audacity of talking about her mother in a rude way like she was trash she had enough. She turned into a cheetah and ripped him to shreds throwing them into the ocean once that was taken care of she built a grave marker where her mother’s remains were."

Appearance: Aside from being scarred by her father, "Her eyes are an odd shade of dark purple that are full of care and sometimes a glint of sorrow."

5. "Recently Adenn left home after his family was attacked by a vampire that had hunted them down, the Vampire slaughtered his mother and father, aswell as most of the livestock they kept, Adenn had barely gotten away before he fell victim to the Vampire, though he suffered injuries."

Personality: "Blinded by rage when provoked" I'm losing track of all the dead parents. This is a lesson: Mama's don't let your sons grow up to be Stus by getting yourself killed by a vampire.

6. "Then one day when she was about 7 tragedy struck and it struck hard. She was coming home from school one day noticing her mother wasn't home like usual...instead there were two cop cars in front of the house. She went it kind of scared as she forced her to sit down and they told her the story. Her mother was found sprawled on the ground bloody and beaten on the side of the road. She was the one who had to tell the rest of her family.....Ater that her brother disappeared on her 8th birthday causing her father to sink into a deeper depression. He then turned to drinking and smoking to save him from himself. Her sister was never around so she had to take the beatings.....literally. She still has the scars and bruises from those days. One day her father called her into the living room where he sat with a gun. She felt afraid for her life until she watched her dad shoot himself in the head with his prized .44."

Appearance: "very curvaceous in all of the right spots earning her the title of most hated girl by every girl in the high school" and "back length raven black hair that has different colored streaks in it form one day when she got bored.,her hair is also slightly curly but usually cascades in waves around her face framing it like and angel." Cadence: Currently puking.

7. "Aurora was born into a wealthy family in Forks. Due to unknown reasons, her entire family died when she was young. Local police believe it was a sort of sickness that spread through family genes. The truth, however, was that her family had vampire blood. Back in 1680, Aurora's great great great great (etc) grandmother married a vampire. This blood has branched out over the many generations and Aurora was left with next to none; thankfully."

Appearence: "She's thin towards the anorexic state but not too much. It especially shows on her thin, long legs." It's awesome to have legs like an anorexic! They're so hot!

8. "Not long after Seriyah was born, Dezerah died of blood loss. Jason was devestated, but held on for two more years, signing out mysterious papers before taking his own life."

Appearance: "Seriyah's eyes are a uellow-hazel, although they are often described as gold. Her hair is quite at odds with the rest of her body, but no less beautiful, seeming to fit in with this fair creature. Her long straight hair, from birth, has always been very light blond, nearly white in bright sunlight. Platinum blond. A birth 'defect,' if you will." (Insert blonde joke here.)

9. "I fell unconsious at Dr. Carlisle Cullen's front door. He took me in and the next thing I knew, my eyes were red, and besides that I was the beautiful thing I seen. I thank him to this day for saving my life, and led me down the path of not killing humans. I have never drank human blood before. I only hunt animals."

She's anime, has wings and her name is Stephanie Cullen. Is this Stephanie Meyers doing a little wishful thinking...

10. "Admiranda was conceieved by her human mother, and after her birth she was briefly taken care of by her father for a few weeks. He left her in the care of his sister, placing a small white teddy bear in her arms as she slept. She awoke in a strange house, in the arms of her aunt Cleo, who eventually told her that her father had been killed by the Volturi(he had succeeded in what Edward attempted in New Moon)."

A secret organization kept her hostage and hurt her when she was bad so she's scarred. Her last name is Cadence. I want to cry.

Like I said, this all came from Page 1. There exists 8 more pages just like it in this rpg alone. I fear all Twilight rpgs suffer from this shit and I put full blame on the author, the publishers, the movie makers and all the fangirls who promote this garbage. I'm afraid to look into the wallowing abyss of anymore Twilight rpgs. I probably will, though, because they write my blog for me.