Friday, September 26, 2008

Emo Stu

Maybe I just don't get emos. Perhaps I've been getting them all wrong. I think the best way for me to understand an emo is to read a bio about one written by a 17 year old.

And where will I find a great concentration of emos? Hmmmm.... I know! An rpg about a mental institution. Let's see how a 17 year old understands complex mental illnesses. This is going to be fun!

Name: Jamie Ray Boyd
Birthday:May Thirty-First.

I'm finding many Harry Potter rpgs over run with bisexuals. It's safe to say that if a male rpg character isn't a full-muscled, gun-toting samurai or the perfect Mary Sue boyfriend, then he's a bisexual emo. Really. Men aren't that complex, I guess. In fact, everyone in this particular rpg is bisexual. Even a few pansexuals. That poor therapy dog!


Um... American isn't a race. But, do go on...

Celeb Face:Alex Evans.
Jamie's skin tone is the color of snow, its so pale time that you can see the veins in his face and the rest of his body. (Ew!!!!).Jamie's weight is very low for his frame and the way he eats.He literally shovels the food into his mouth at twenty miles an hour.(He should go into competitive eating!) He has a very defined six pack and pecks (Oh sure, like all drug addicts who end up in hospitals a lot.) which win the hearts of guys and girls that he dates.He also has six deep scars on the inside of his both of his wrist for past suicide attempts.

Jamie has dark brown hair, usually swept off to the side and parted far down the side of his head, and it is straight, naturally. Jamie often changes the appearance of his hair; sometimes he'll spike it up a little, sometimes he'll part it on the other side.And times he will even add streaks of color,from pink, to teal, to sky blue.

Yeah, standard emo. We get it.

Jamie has his lip pierced twice with snake bites and below that he has his chin pierced.Although he doesn't always wear the chin piercing.Now Tattoos he's in love with.He has his whole back covered in Tribal designs like his brother but the biggest design on his back is a picture of the devil in red ink that says,'Live your life to the fullest'.Even though he never tends to follow that he still likes to have it on his back.And the tops part of his arms also have tribal designs and so does his legs.So basically he's covered in tattoos even though he's only Sixteen.

17-- he's 17 now. You said so. 17.

One day he might just have plain eyeliner on his eyes and other days he goes all out and makes designs.His favorite make-up routine is black eyeliner on his eyes with blood red paste eyeshadow with black X's going down from his eyes.

Seriously, you aren't allowed in the Emo Club if you don't wear eyeliner. They'll kick you right out!

His style is what people would call punk rock or Emo.He loves the color black so thats why he dresses the way he does and some people think he dresses that way because he's depressed,and sometimes he is.But the one thing you well most likely always see him in is tight ripped and faded girl pants.He likes to wear spiked belts and sometimes a spiked metal dog collar around his neck.And sometimes he'll go all out in all black leather, and basically in Bondage clothes.

Don't ask him about Prince Albert!


Angry Person

Jamie has very big problems with his anger to wear it has resulted in him getting arrested for it on many occasions.He doesn't mean to become angry but because of his Bipolar disorder and when he doesn't take his medicine he becomes that way. One minute he'll be in a very happy mood and the sweetest guy you'll ever know then the next minute he'll blow up and start screaming, and swearing, and throwing and hitting things and people.

I don't know. If someone were to throw things around and hit me and then turn around and be sweet, if I had to choose one word to describe them, it would be asshole. I realize he has bipolar disorder (which I've seen numerous times in rpgs) but this is just shoehorned in. As it is, I don't don't have it myself but I'm struggling to define what it is and what it's about. In the hands of a 17 year old author I worry it will be used for attention so Jamie can have senseless tantrums and have scene where he'll have to apologize to the people he lashed out at and then have wild, crazy make up sex with them.

Sweet at times
For being such an angry person most of the time, he also has a sweet side to him.He loves animals and little kids to death.He can't stand to watch people be mean to others or be jerks.Yet he's that person also and that why he hates himself sometimes.When ever your feeling down Jamie is the person to come to, when ever you want to be loved, again he's the person to come to.

Sorry but even if I were sad, I wouldn't go to him. If I wanted a cuddle, definitely not.

Big Flirt:
Jamie is the biggest flirt that you will also meet. He will also flirt with peoples mom's so everyone watch out!

Ah yes, Jamies addiction to sex. The first time he did have sex it was with a girl who was really big into bondage type stuff, and she was not gentle at all.So maybe it was because of this, that Jamie now likes rough sex. and that he loves having sex period.He feels in adequate when he doesn't have sex at least twice a week. And to Jamie sex is sex, whither it be with a girl, an older person or a young person.

Or whither it be with Rip Torn. It totally doesn't matter!

Now it's time for me to do some cutting. This boy's history is long and sad and very Gary Stu. I'm cutting out all the redundant lines and only giving you the highlights. Yes, this is long. Sorry. Blame the author.


Jamie Ray Sanford was a child born of cheating.

On May,31st 1991 was the day that Jamie was born and by then Tyler Boyd had gone back to his wife and son and left Sarah Ann to take care of her own baby by herself.His mother was coping with severe depression and Bipolar disorder. Little Jamie had to fend for himself.He learned to beg, borrow, and steal like a pro for food and clothes.But surprisingly he was never caught yet, that is.

On his tenth birthday his mother was so deep into depression that she couldn't seem to go on any longer.So she attempted suicide but failed when Jamie found her hanging from the ceiling.

When Jamie turned 14 is when he finally went to school.Although he had missed so many years of school, he said that he was homed schooled and even had forged papers that said so.He learned quickly and was actually one of the brightest students at he school, despite missing so many years of school.

But again things got even worse on his fifteenth birthday, his mom Sarah Ann finally committed suicide while Jamie was at school.She had overdosed on her depression meds.So the only thing left to do was take care of himself.But he didn't do to good, he was still stealing food and money now from people to start paying for his new found love.Angel Dust, the first time he tryed it it took away all his pain and it made him feel alive fro the first time.

But he was still severally depressed also.And couldn't take it any longer.One year after his mothers suicide and his Sixteenth birthday he also attempted it.So his lover called 911 and Jamie survived.

He was seen by many different shrinks who tryed to help him open up about his past, but none of them where successful.That is until he meet Dr.Micheal Ford. And then Dr.Ford betrayed Jamie, he found his birth father Tyler Boyd and contacted him and told him about Jamie and he and his wife decided that they would take him in to there home in Palm Springs.Jamie was so furious and upset that he decided to try and end his life again, because he did not want to face his father.

They had decided that they were going to lock Jamie up in a psych ward but changed there minds when Tyler Boyd and his wife said that they could not do that, because they wanted to take him home now.

The night Jamie arrived himself in New Orleans he learned for the first time that he had a brother, and in older and very cute brother at that.But then one night when Jamie was high from Angel dust again and his brother Tommy was drunk, they decided to talk things out.But talking turned into more than that.They started kissing and touching then one thing lead to the next.Of course Jamie was so very confused but he couldn't help how he felt twords Tommy so they kept how they felt about each other secret.

And the shit hit the fan I guess you could say.Jamie was having a really bad night and was so far gone from the heroine that he had used over and over again that night that he went outside and into his shed and grabbed a rope.Now I'm guessing you know what he was about to do but if you don't here is what he did.And he did almost die but his brother found him and called 911 just in time.So Jamie lived and is now actually locked up in Aspen Springs.

Good looking? Check! Incredibly intelligent? Check! Tragic History? Triple Check! A source to create constant drama from? Check! Suddenly becoming wealthy? Check!

I'm not sure if I understand emos any better. For all I know, this emo giving all real emos a bad name. I may never know if that's true but the more emo bios I read, the more I worry how similar they are to Mary Sues and Gary Stus. The evidence I see from rpg to rpg is not looking good.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Snape. Snape. Sparklypoo Snape.

This bio is from another Harry Potter rpg but it's such an obvious insert character. Inserts are almost always the worst characters to come across in an rpg because the owners rarely let bad things happen to the characters. This means no conflicts, no worries about anything and no real excitement anywhere ever. Even when she's bad, she's still good.

On top of that, this author has trouble writing a consistent character. I'm not picking on her for straying from the Harry Potter story because once in a while that can be fun, but I am picking on her for not even following the forum rules or even following some basic rules from Harry Potter but then she changes her own story as she role plays.

As a side note, she was accepted into the rpg as is. The owners should have been more vigilant and heavy handed in allowing this type of character into their rpg. She isn't going to stick to her bio and she'll keep changing her story in order to come out on top all the time. I don't care if the rpg is just starting up, never bend on the rules to allow characters like this in. It scares away other members who will see one person getting away with this nonsense just because they showed up first.

Full Name: Samantha Savvy Snape
Nickname/Aliases: Sam, Sammy, Sav
Age/Year (Not required for Vampires): 12;;second

So far she's not a problem. But what sort of middle name is "Savvy?" Has this author been watching too many PotC movies for her own good? Yikes!

**Date of Birth: 6/2/66
2066, I hope.

Group: human
Also, Sparklypoo

House (Not required for Vampires): Slytherin (could she be a perfect?)

A perfect? You don't have to ask about that, honey. You'll be making her quite perfect.

OH! You mean PREFECT. I see. She's only a Second Year. In the book, students didn't become prefects until their 5th year. It would be sort of stupid (and very unfair) to be a prefect now, wouldn't it? Well, who cares what I think. The owners gave her a prefect status.

**Wand: Yew, Dragon Heartstring, 12.5 inches
Height: 5'7"
Build: slender
Hair: dark brown hair to her shoulders with coon tail bangs
Eyes: brown with glasses
General appearance: Samantha is a slender girl, but not toothpick thin. She's about 5'7" and about 115 lbs, with curly brown locks, which she enjoys straighting because she isn't a big fan of her curls. She has coon tails on her bangs. She has loving brown eyes, unfortunately covered by glasses, filled with care for her closest friends and family.

Doing the math, she is toothpick thin. Sickly thin. Disgustingly thin. Do we get a picture of this atrocity?

**Picture(No more than 450x600):
Sort of. We did get a of the author herself being all cool and alternative. SCARY! And she's not stick thin either. She looks physically healthy and not aching for a hamburger.

Personality: Samantha is very social but can also be very shy at times. She gets along with everyone, but can make an enemy or two. She's super outgoing and will do anything and everything. When she gets it, she loves spending time alone and sticking her nose in a good book. There are times when you'll just find her somewhere reading. She has a weakness for cute boys, and also figits A LOT. She will constantly play with her necklace or twirl her hair. She'll mostly be in a good mood.

Social but shy.
Gets along with everyone yet makes enemies.
Outgoing yet spends time alone.
Does not compute!

People are complex but this is downright bipolar. Everyone has a mood or a characteristic that rules their lives. It's the drive that makes us all real, believable people. Not every mood yet still perfectly perfect in every perfect way.

History: Samantha grew up in Surrey, England with her parents. She is an only child, but kinda wishes she had a sibling. Both of her parents had gone to Hogwarts and were thrilled when she got her letter. She is also a pureblood witch and lives up to her power and her family name. Her entire family had been sorted into Slytherin, with the exception of Sirius Black, who was sorted into Gryffindor. Her family is also related to the Malfoys. Unfortunately, her family has a horrible history, but is not embarrassed by it. She is actually very proud that her family would challenge people like they did, but will never do it herself, in her life time.

Pureblood? Snape is her dad and he was half. She's a fourth. And if she's not embarrassed about her family, I can think of many others things she ought to be embarrassed about like being a insert and shuffling around the Snape family tree to make herself fit. Now, I'm stuck on this idea that she feels her family merely challenged people. Yeah, killing people doesn't exactly challenge them. Just makes them dead. I worry that in this authors real life she's a brat for no reason other than she feels she's doing everyone a favor by challenging them.

Family: Severus Snape is her father, Shea [Black] Snape is her mother, Druella and Cygnus are her grandparents. She never got to meet her father's parents, they had died before she was born. Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy are her aunts, Rodolphus Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy are her uncles. She loves spending time with her second cousins, Andromeda and Sirius Black. She also love hanging out and learning new things from her cousin Draco.

Here is where I take an issue with the owners. The rules state this:

"It takes place about sixty years after the Battle of Hogwarts, so we do not accept cannon characters or direct discendants of cannon characters. However, it is not unreasonable to say that Harry Potter was your great grandfather, but please try not to."

WTF? Miss Samantha Savvy Snape has been allowed into the club even after her history is openly thumbing it's fictional nose at management? Her parents should be in their late 90's if I were being generous. Draco should be in his 70's if I were being realistic. She's only 12 if I were reading what she wrote herself. She brought Snape back to life and crapload of family members, all of whom didn't get along in the books, but they all live happily ever after centered around Sav and her glowing glittery-ness.

Now, how is she in gameplay? Here is her only post so far (she just started in this rpg and she's waiting for a reply):

Samantha walked into the store, all set to buy her books for her sixth year. She couldn't believe she was almost done with school. She looked around and saw Mr. Darcy busy with another a customer who looked familier to her, and Sam began looking around for the books she'll be needing for that year.

Buh? Sixth year??/!!!! But- she just said- wait- that's not- Whoa. She either innocently forgot she said she was a second year or just decided that her character is flying into sixth because she's just that amazingly awesome.

WARNING: This Sue could be coming to your Harry Potter rpg. Beware of her and those like her who forsakes their own bios in order to rule you. Beware of owners who let anyone in, even to the point of stomping on their own rules and storyline. If integrity challenges a Sue, don't get caught up with her or the forum that throws her a Welcome mat.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Mary Sue Geography 101

The Mary Sue Map: rounded hills, fertile valleys, shapely mountains, supple plains, plunging gorges and lofty peaks. She's a winding road full of breath-taking features. A bumpy path of lovely splendor. Her summits will make you moan with pleasure and her crests are so bountiful you could lose yourself in them.

In other words: She has "curves in all the right places."

"Appearance: Jasmin’s appearance is quite enchanting, appealing to the eye and overall different. Asides from a body that resembles that of a models— big breasted, curves in all the right places, and smooth caramel skin— her hair draws in the most attention."

"Distinguishing mark/scars: Nothing, except the very long hair. Peg is lean but curvy in all the right places."

"Tall and lean with long dark red hair and curves in all the right places. Flirtatious and a bit of tease, (with both men and women) yet loved and respected by her closest friends for always making them feel special and loved, who also know that she is far from a bed hopper."

"Yasmine’s body is quite normal yet she has inviting curve in all the right places. She is slightly naturally tanned though not dark enough to clash with her blonde hair."

"I stood in front of the mirror and saw the woman I now was, Homo Solitus female, 5'10, 145lbs, muscled, with long auburn hair, gray eyes, perfect genetically manipulated white teeth, curves in all the right places and not a mark on me."

"Average to tall for a woman, 5'9, lithe build. Not voluptuous by any means, although she has the curves in all the right places- though you'd never notice them hiding beneath her ever proper naval uniform."

"she is a beautiful enough woman with flaxen hair, blue eyes, and curves in all the right places."

"Bright sparkling eyes. Unusually long ribbons of silky black and red hair cascasded down her back and fell lightly to the ground. Slender long legs and curves in all the right places. Hell, this woman was more than capable of stopping traffic in a heartbeat."

"She had high, pronounced cheekbones, and neither thin, nor very large lips. Her unique colored eyes were almost catlike in shape. She was pale, but not unhealthily so. It only contrasted her fiery hair tones. She was slender, some might say too skinny. She had humble curves in all the right places."

"His heart was racing. She still had those beautiful long legs, but she was now also once of those girls – or women – with all the right curves in all the right places."

"Or perhaps her straight blonde hair that reached her mid back did it, with her bangs angled to one side this night. It has been said that it was her slender figuare. Eve had all the right amounts of curves in all the right places. Her body was asentuated by the slinky black dress she wore this night."

"Holly walked into the under ground casino feeling very confident in her sexy outfit. Her dress was the definition of the perfect 'little black dress', hugging her curves in all the right places, showing off her long tan legs with the help an expensive pair of stripy black heels."

"It was a woman, a beautiful one with long silver hair, light blue eyes, and a serious curves in all the right places.."

"Body=lean with curves in all the right places. Face is oval-shaped with small nose, rosy cheeks and full lips. She has perfectly straight teeth."

"Build: Slim with curves in all the right places as they say. She stands around 5'7 and a half"

"Wears blue gloves with a black rose on the back of each. Wears a choker with a black diamond rose in the center of it. Has curves in all the right places."

"She has a slender build and curves in all the right places. Her typical shirt size is small, but she has to wear a medium sometimes thanks to her breasts. [Odd to know...]"

"Mel stands about 5'7”, with a well toned body blessed with curves in all the right places, including a round backside that refused to disappear after weeks of basic training."

"With long eyelashes and a pretty, perfect smile, she would be a sure bet to win hearts. Her figure is unusually well-rounded for a dragonrider, with curves in all the right places, long legs, and small feet."

"He looked Liz over while she was preoccupied with something else. She was really something else. Curves in all the right places and beautiful dark eyes. But her eyes were different than those of other women he'd seen. There was a true spark of life and energy behind them. And to top it off she had extensive military training. A deadly beauty."

"Physically, Ella is 5'7", with flaming red hair, green eyes, and very pale skin. She has curves in all the right places, and could certainly have done modeling work if she so desired."

"Carrie is what most people call an ideal schoolgirl. She was a cheerleader, a pep-club member, a straight-A student, and had been the Prom Queen for two straight years. Carrie was also the most popular female in the school with the boys, for the had curves in all the right places."

"I looked healthy and athletic in that wirey way thin people have. I also looked distinctly more feminine, with curves in all the right places."

"Appearance: Regina has a very appeling look to her. Her body is tight and toned from years of working out with a trainer. She prefers to stay healthy. She had curves in all the right places and is proportionate to her frame."

Is it hot in here?

Mary Sue Jokes: Part Two

One day a rancher was standing at the side of the penned up field when a woman walked up to him. "Hi," she said. "I'm Mary Sue and I want to go into this field." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, miss, but you shouldn't do that." Mary Sue's eyes turned from blue to deep green because she was upset. She flipped her glossy auburn over her shoulder and put her hands on her hips. "I am Mary Sue. I will go into that field and brush my horse. She only trusts me and no one else. You will kindly step out of my way and let me into this field" The rancher could only nod and move out of her way. Mary Sue walked into the field and started to call for her horse. She disappeared behind some trees but then quickly came running out with an angry bull chasing her.

"Quick!" The rancher yelled, "Tell him you're Mary Sue!"


Why do Mary Sues wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.


What's the mating call of a Mary Sue?
I think I'm drunk!


Mary Sue suspected her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she went out and bought a gun. She went to his apartment and found him in the arms of another woman. Mary Sue was as angry as she was that time vampires killed her parents so she took the gun out of her purse. Shaking with tears, she put the gun to her head. Her boyfriend yelled "No, honey, don't do it." Mary Sue replied "Shut up, you're next!"


How is Mary Sue like a doorknob?
Everyone gets a turn.


Mary Sue was thrilled when her doctor told her she was pregnant. She could derive lots of drama from this by crying all the time and keeping her boyfriend at her side all the time, not to mention the possibility of getting her baby kidnapped all the time. She was about to cheer when a frown crossed her normally sullen face. "What's wrong?" The doctor asked. She held onto his arm and buried her face in his chest and asked, "But is it mine?"


What does a screen door and a Mary Sue with a traumatic past have in common?
The more you bang it, the looser it gets!


Mary Sue was telling a Gary Stu a joke about a guy who was emotionless, carried a lot of awesome swords, knew kung fu, used advanced magic and couldn't remember his past. Halfway through, Gary Stu interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm a Gary Stu?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Mary Sue apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

Camp Suck

Welcome to Summer Nights. It's a role playing game based on a wicked cool summer camp where all sorts of original characters can have wangsty adventures together. It failed miserably. I think the first problem was that nearly every character was emo, shy but aloof, crazy but stoic, austere but quiet or unable to trust but emotionally closed off from others. The second problem is that every character is 16 or 17. At that age you should be a counselor, not a camper.

Let's check in a few places around the camp and see if we can further pinpoin what went wrong. Here is the most exciting scene from the Girl's Dorm:

It was 6:45, and they had nothing to do. "So, what would my girlfriend like to do now?" he asked, his arms still around her.

Her mouth twisted as she thought about it, and she shifted as Ashton hugged her and kissed her forehead. "I don't know. What'd you like to do?"

Ash let go of her, a little concerned that something was wrong. "Hmm. Let's get to know each other a little more," he suggested. He barely knew anything about her, which was weird, because he felt like he's known her for his whole life."What's your favorite color?" he asked. He knew his. It was red - the former color of Jaclyn's hair.

Jaclyn smiled. She didn't expect this, but she loved Ashton for thinking of it. "Oh, hum. Probably teal." She glanced up at the ceiling, then back down to Ash, then let her eyes drop down, then back up. "What's yours?"

Teal. He's never really payed attention to that color. There were so many shades of blue; he probably didn't even know half of them. Wait, teal was a shade of blue, right? Before he confused himself, he tuned in on Jaclyn. With a grin, he parted his mouth to speak. "Red. Guess why," he said.

Meanwhile, if the Boy's Dorm's a-rocking, don't come a-knocking. Here's a couple of roommates getting to know each other:

Takeshi shivered with delight and smiled against Ryder's lips. Ryder's moan was music to his ears and Take knew enought about kissing that moans were good things. It meant whoever you were kissing was really enjoying the kiss. Kisses were strange to Takeshi. He knew that one of the most sensitive places on the human body were the lips and he always wondered why. Naturally he'd been kissed before. He knew that those kisses were okay- even the heated ones but he'd never had a kiss that sent his heart flying. God he really needed to look in a mirror for those wings. But kisses... This kiss... It was different.

In the Mess Hall, Darvet (who looks like Orlando Bloom) and Lily (who looks like Amanda Bynes) have this conversation:

Darvet didn't just want to sit there doing nothing, he offered her a fry and smiled some before trying to start a conversation, asking her simple questions. "So...whats your favorite color?"

What was her favorite color? He must have been really bored. Lily began to think of it; it used to be light green, but she had a new favorite color. "The color of your eyes," she said, staring into his eyes at that moment. "What about you?"

Darvet smiled some as he heard her reply to his question. He didn't quite know what his favorite color was. There was so many colors yet he hasn't really stopped to think what his favorite color is. "I would have to say blue.." He said, his favorite jacket was a dark blue color.

"Where were ya born?" He asked, Darvet wanted to know about her background. Hopefully he could tell her about his past.

When he asked his next question, she parted her white teeth to speak. "San Fransisco.. What about you?" She asked. It was her turn to ask the questions. After Darvet answered her current question, she asked another one. "So, how did you get here?"

At the Fire Pit, things heat up:

Everything was moving so fast. Hunter didn't know what was what or how the hell he somehow ended up so very close to the other boy's boy. He could have just moved one step closer and been directly in his arms. Tonio's scent was simply captivating... so manly... so hot. Just as he started to close his eyes, Tonio hopped back and grabbed his hand again. Holy shit.... this kid is pretty spontaneous. He couldn't help but smile. That was something he was starting to really like about this kid.

Summer Camp. Where the chicks are boring, the dudes are gay and the trees on The Trail are like rice people and want to commit suicide-- I think. I have no idea where this is going.

Crunch...snap...crunch... Jude flinched at the amount of noise that came from his simple stroll down the trail. Twigs and leaves littered the pathway off-seasonly, so it was hard to prevent all the racket that one step would create. He supposed that the trees might be dying. They were pretty close together, so perhaps there weren't enough nutrients in the ground to feed all of them. Or maybe they were greedy. Like glutenous humans, they had over-indulged themselves in the fruits of good nutrition. And now they were running out of resources... committing a force of suicide.

Is there any fun to be had in the Strip Club that campers sometimes sneak off too? Let's see:

"Sooo, where are you from" ash said the beer picking up on her a bit. Ash chugged another quarter of it down her throat. Yeah, she would drink beer slightly faster then the normal person would. "I'm from Napanee, Canada yeah you don't see many canadians out here" she said. Ash looked back up at matt. She tended to ramble a bit but that was just ash always rambling about something or another.

Memories flooded. "Boston." He didn't feel like saying much more.

"Boston auh-some" she said using her on version of awesome. Ash looked back over to him, she listened again closly to the song and finally recongized it. The song was Low by Flo Rida. She heard it a couple of times on the radio and such. Ash remarked "Weird stuff they play at these clubs eh?"

"So..." He had nothing to talk about. Nothing in common, at least. Except the fact that they were both here and they both drank. He sipped his beer and placed it lightly on the counter beside him. "Can't wait for it to get warmer outside, hm?" Matt smirked. The weather! How pathetic of him. Oh well, though. "Actually, I like the cold. The snow. But it gets boring after a few months, right?" He blinked. "Wait, you lived in Canada. Is it just rumor, or does it really snow a lot up there?" Here we go. This may be a conversation yet.

"Haha yeah their is alot of snow up there I guess you could say, you get used to it after the first huge snowfall" she said. Ash laughed and took another drink out of her miller light. "The music here is such bull"
After that, Ash got quiet. Was it usual for girls to just clam up like that? Matthew cast a glance in her direction, only to find her drumming on the counter. "You can drum?"

If you can wake yourself up, it's time to conclude this analysis. I only see three types of people; the gay emos, Mary Sues and the perfect, supportive yet dull, Mary Sue boyfriends. There are only two types of interactions among them; comfortable interview or pleasant sex.

Players and owners should strive to promote more than just these types in the rpg. Original characters ought to really mean "Original." Being too safe turns into being stagnant. You would think that a summer camp with a pool, skatepark and easy access to a strip club would be awesome right? It actually turns out to be quite yawn-worthy which is why I think the campers couldn't take the cabin fever and they left.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Eyes Pick

I was once a part of an rpg where three different Mary Sues were using eyes as avatars. They all ended up in a thread together. I followed it for a while, not because I cared about the thread but I wanted to see who would win the Battle of the Mary Sue Eyeballs.

This practice of using eyes comes about because eyes are the windows to the soul. They express what the author wants you to know about their characters. Also, it's a quick fix if you just can't find the right actress to play your character.

I went to a few avatar sites that had entire sections devoted just to eyeballs, picked a few and posted them here to show you what you can expect if you see these Sues staring back at you.

She's a bad ass bitchiwitch. She has been studying Dark Arts since she was a fetus. She's angry at the world and she lives in a Slytherin-phobic society. She believes she has every right to be as hateful as she is. She thinks there is nobility in her blind hatred. The only joy she gets in life is ruining Ravenclaws, hurting Hufflepuffs, gravely injuring Gryffindors and even slaying fellow Slytherins.

She wants- no, NEEDS to be Draco Malfoy's girlfriend. She hopes one day, if she hangs around him long enough, he will see how she is his perfect mate. She's incomplete without him. She likes what he likes and hates what he hates. She is totally the yin to his yang because she was designed that way.

She's the most vomit-inducing Sparklypoo you could ever meet. She's awesome at everything she does. She's friends with everyone. Everyone wants to be her. She's so caring as a friend, she wishes everyone could be like her even though it would be impossible. She can read your inner-monologue and know how to fix your problem. She even smells good. She sings like an angel. Woodland creatures love her.

She's so nasty, she'll make faces at you. She'll jeer at every move you make. She wants you to feel bad. She's only hiding how deeply pained she is. As much as she wants you to think she hates you, she really needs you to chase her down and teach her how to love again. Even if everything about her screams, "Get away!", what she is really saying is, "Hug me!"

No, she hasn't been stuffed into a freezer. She's ethereal. Her skin glistens because she is not of this world. Her race is mysterious, ancient, eternal and forever. She knows everything because she's seen it all. She transcends Earthly beauty with her azure-ity. Men dig blue chicks.

She's been hurt badly. She's been used, abused, misused, refused and bruised. She cries frequently. Most of the time the reason why is only obvious to her. She's afraid of many things. She needs tons of people around her but not one of them can really help her. She relives her past traumas a lot. Her tears will dampen every story she touches.

She's looking for love and she'll accept anyone or anything. She's the perfect girlfriend. She happens to have a lot in common with your character. Even if she doesn't, she'll do anything you want her to do. She wants to know everything about you. She is your shadow. She's ready and willing to sleep with you. Don't ever let her go. Never. Not ever. She needs you and you have no where to run to.

She's quirky, crazy, sassy, sarcastic, smug and eccentric. She's out there. Sometimes she barks like a dog. She wears tshirts that say snotty things on them. She says she doesn't care what others think of her. She isn't afraid to look foolish which is good because she always does. She finds herself very amusing. She's a danger to herself and others. Don't dare her to stick a pencil in her eye. She'll do it!

Lysol Sue

Here is a character that my friend Fountine affectionately dubbed "Lysol." She showed up in my rpg despite all the warnings about not creating a character like this. I am pulling this character out of the muck because she encompasses so many things that make so many Emo Sues hard to deal with. If you've seen one, you've seen them all and she just brings together, in text book example, what is wrong with this type.

Full Name: Lsyus Donna Smith
Age: 15

Appearance: Lsyus has long straight black hair that goes to the middle of her back.Her hair does part in the middle and so she has long bangs that go to the right side of her face and covers her right eye. She has nicely shaped eyebrows .She has long lashes.She has dark brown eyes.She has pale skin.She is also has scars on her arms from where she cuts her self.She likes to wear a black zip-up hoodie that says " Green Day" on it .Under her hoodie she wears a black short sleeved t-shirt that has a rose design on it.She also wears black jeans that are close fitting and they flare at the bottom.She wears on her feet black and red sneakers . She wears a small sliver locket on a sliver chain around her neck.The locket holds two photos in it of her family.

She is so lucky that she looked emo BEFORE her life went to crap. She doesn't have to bother with hair dye, make up or shopping at HotTopic-- well, not too much. I am willing to bet that she is so specific about Lysol's appearence (right down to the eyebrow) because the author had some gothy avatar she was just itching to use. Or maybe she wanted Avril LaVigne but couldn't find any avatars with the right hair color. We just have to imagine how sad she truly looks.

Are we ready to learn what happened to her family? Are you really ready? You may want to get ginger ale and/or popcorn for this event.

History: Lsyus was just a other normal 14 year old girl with friends and a loving family in till one day she came home from school to find out that her older brother ( who had been her best friend of all time ) had died on a re-con mission for the United States Navy.After this her life started to go down hill.It was two weeks after she found that her older brother was killed she lost her older sister to a car crash.Then almost a year later she lost her mom and dad to a fire.So now she staying in Malcolm with her aunt and uncle (her mother's brother).Her aunt and uncle love her very much as if she was their own child and try now to give her the very best that they can. Lsysu loves her aunt and uncle but she doesn't want to get to close to them because she fears that she will lose them.She is also very sad has yet to get over the loss of her family. She has found a way to stop the pain a little bit and that is to cut her self. But hopefully things will fall back into place for her even if she does see crazy things.

Wow. Vampires killed her brother in Iraq, cut the breaks on her sister's car and set fire to her parents. Damn! I bet her Aunt and Uncle are the vampires that made it all happen. I bet they can't have kids of their own so they lured her into their home in the most diabolical yet unbelievably complicated way possible.

And yeah, I hope everything works out for her after she's been beaten by ghosts, raped by werewolves, held hostage by witches or whatever else she planned to accomplish in an rpg with a supernatural premise.

Personality: Lsyus is a young girl that keeps to herself and misses her family to death.She does hid some times the fact that she is depression with a fake smile .She is also is very smart likes to help people .She believes in waiting in till marriage to do things.

To death... get it? Her appearance gives away her depression, smile or not. And how will she manage helping others when it's clear she won't be seeing anything beyond her self-pity. Who would marry this chick? A dude who wants to play therapist all the time. Sounds like fun!

Strengths: Math,Writing , Caring for her family

Haw! What family? I guess she does have her Aunt and Uncle but she just said she was pulling away from them for fear they would get hurt. Maybe staying far away is as caring as she can be.

Weaknesses: Singing,Fearing the death of a family member.

Thank God singing is a weakness. That means she's not whipping out a guitar to sing a song she wrote about her pain.

Role Play Example

Lsyus was sitting in her room of her home writing in her note book about random things at the time when she started to hear sounds coming from the other room.So Lsyus got up from her desk and walked over to her door and opened it .She saw that the hallway was dark and spooky looking.She wanted to know what was making the sounds so she walked into to that hallway and to her surprise she saw a small child walking out of the room next to her .

Why does this kid look so funny though Lsyus.Lysus just still looked at the child in wonder for a few more seconds then she went back to her room and closed the door behind her and locked it.She went back to her desk and started writing once again.After writting for a bit Lsyus laid her head down on her desk and closed her eyes and went to sleep.

After two hours of sleeping at her desk Lsyus got up and walked over to her dresser and pulled a pair of pajams shorts and and a shirt .She took off her oufit for that day and along with her bra and then putted on her pj's for that night.She cralwed into bed and went to sleep the night away.

In summary; she saw something that could have been something, went to sleep and then went to sleep again. I am getting sleepy myself after reading that.

Why do I try to keep these characters out of my games? They never last long. I believe they burn themselves out on all the drama they create so there's nothing left to actually role play with. Lysol only wrote one post before leaving. Here is that post. Brace yourself!

Lsyus was sitting on a huge rock that rested on part of the sand . The rest in the water as she was sitting and watching the waves crash to the shore she justed sitted as the wind made the waves.Her mind on on other things other then what was going on around her .

She was listening to her mp3 player.Lsyus was still just sitting on that rock lost in her own little world wishing that her family was with her still today.Then she saw how that the waves matched the song that she was listening to. This caused her to smile a little but the smile was fake and unreal.

The fake smile became a frown and tears started to fall as she thought more and more of her family.Mom .......Dad ..........Bro and Sissy I miss you guys so much thought Lsyus.Lysus was still crying and the tears were making thing blurry.

In summary; she laughed, she cried, she didn't stick around to talk to the characters silly enough to ask her what's wrong.

Seriously. Both this character and the author need therapy. How does this sort of character come up? I don't see the motivation. Is it fun to play emotionally broken teenagers? What joy is derived from crying incessantly and demanding attention from other players? Pulling everyone into your pathetic character's story? Making them want to comfort you and bend to your every whim or else you'll cry again...

That's right. The center of attention whether it's good or bad. The goal of every Mary Sue!

Grand Ol' Aubrey!

Mary Sues have a lot of names they cling too. I've found that Aubrey is one of them because it means "Elf Ruler." Get an author with a baby name book and you have a Mary Sue who thinks she rules. Yuck. You'll notice a few Gary Stu's mixed in here also. They want to get in on the being cooler than something cool also.

"Name - Aubrey Jones [only because Athena is retarded. + I forgot a last name at first lol.]"

"La de da I'll keep my name cause Aubrey means: *da da daaa* Leader of the elves!! Muahahaha So I'll be an elf. And my weapon.... I'll get back to you on that. ;)"

"Name: Aubrey Watkins
Age: 15
Bio: Short but has the highest jump, did piano for 7 years and still does it, singing is a big part of her life, her family is well known and very very rich and is best friends with Cora Roberts"

"Character's Full Name: Aubrey Zane Rowan
Nickname: A.Z.; Aubs; or something spontaneous and vulgar (usually called by his kiwi friends)"

"full name: Aubrey Hoshiko Maxwell (meaning: "Bright Star Child of the Great Spring")
nickname: Aubs"

"Aubrey Torraine[Obb-ree Tore-ane]portrayed by Mischa Barton"

"Name: Aubrey.
Gender: Female.
Age: 200 yrs.
Race: Elven."

"Aubrey isn’t the typical Slytherin.Most people like her because of her magnetic personality, including Slytherin's very own Draco Malfoy. She has formed an interest in Draco and hopes that he returns the feelings, but no matter what she will always be there for him and all of her other friends."

"Bio: Aubrey is a Felion werebeast. In this she has better senses then some, she's loyal to the leader she's following and would die from them."

"Name: Aubrey Age: 15
Which Faction do you prefer? Ninja, but I'm going with pirate this time, matey."

"Name: Aubrey Alderdon
Personality: Very shy....but can be outspoken.... kind.... good sence of humor... very poetic... can be very mean if you push the wrong buttons..."

"Name: Aubrey "Bree" Chalmers
Age: 18 [+ 64]
Gender: female
Race: vampire"

"First name:Aubrey
Last name:Mejia
History: She was raised at their beautiful mansion, there she learned everything she could, until now where her parents are proud as she enrolled."

"Aubrey is tall, slender, handsome and one look at him will tell others that he is elegant and with pride. He likes to dress in black suits that contrasts his pale skin and red-brown eyes. His hair is colored like ebony and soft like silk. He fits well with the wealthy and the women adore him."

"Personality: Aubrey says what most people are thinking, but she rarely speaks."

"Power: Aubrey has the power of Psionic Blast. Her ability overloads her opponent’s mind causing pain, memory loss, or sometimes loss of consciousness."

"Name: Aubrey Telethorwin
Gender: Female
Age: 26, actually 630"

"Aubrey’s most distinguishing characteristics are her intelligence and her silence. Brilliant is not the word for this girl; it doesn’t do her credit at all. She has a natural intelligence about her which is only enhanced by her dilligent studying and her photographic memory."

"Aubrey stands in front of the woods entrence as fog starts to roll in, making it look very mysterious to almost anyone that would see something like this."

"Name: Aubrey (last name unknown)
Nickname: Aub
Species: Ebonite (still an alien from another planet)

Eye Color: Dark brown and the both eyes turns black when he's ticked off or using mental powers"

Name: Aubrey nicole Snow
Model Name: Ashlee Simpson"

"Name: Aubrey Ilyana Lennox
House: Gryffindor
Year: 6th"

"PROFILE: Aubrey has always been known as the good girl. She does everything right, hates the thought of being in trouble, and somehow always manages to claim the title of 'know-it-all.' Is it her fault she has a photographic memory and actually enjoys learning?"

"Aubrey has a certain Potions Affinity, gained from her extraordinare father. She excells in most of her classes and tries hard to acheive good grades for the most part. Aubrey's an amazing singer as well and sometimes finds herself belting out songs she's written or she's heard from such favorites in her wizarding community."

"Name: AubreyAge: 18
Animal: Dog
Appearance: Longish black hair (up to his chin). Black eyes. Pale. God, he looks like Trent Reznor."

"For one, Aubrey is a singing genius. From the age of four she’s demonstrated extraordinary abilities with music and though her parents encouraged her to try quite a bit of things as a child it didn’t take long for the young girl to settle on singing. "

"Charakter: Mit ihrem Dickkopf steht Aubrey ihrem Zwillingsbruder Scott in nichts nach, manchmal ist sie vielleicht sogar ein wenig schlimmer als er. Ansonsten geht sie gerne offen auf alles Neue und besonders Menschen zu. Sie redet auch gerne und viel, versucht sich aber immer in Grenzen zu halten. Mit ihrem Bruder ist sie an sich immer ein Herz und eine Seele, wobei sie sich wie jedes Geschwisterpaar auch mal in die Haare kriegen, aber sie hält es immer nicht lange aus sauer auf ihn zu sein, auch wenn sie es gerne möchte. Sie kann es nämlich nicht leiden, dass Scott ihr immer wieder hinterher spioniert, wenn sie mal eine Verabredung hat und er wissen will, wer der Kerl ist. Wobei sie ihm auch immer wieder gerne hinterher spioniert, wenn er ein date hat, aber sie macht es nicht um ihm dann danach einen Vortrag zu halten, dass die ‚Auserwählte’ gar nicht zu ihm passt. Weiteres im Rpg"

Need some help understanding this last one? Here is what babelfish says:

"A character: With its thick head Aubrey is inferior to its twin brother Scott in nothing, sometimes is perhaps even worse it a little than it. Otherwise it goes gladly openly toward all new one and particularly humans. It talks also gladly and much, tries however always within limits to hold. With its brother it is actually always a heart and a soul, whereby it holds itself like each pair of brothers and sisters also times into the hair wars, but it it it to be always not for a long time out sour, even if it liked it gladly. She cannot suffer it that Scott it again and again spied afterwards, if she has times an appointment and he wants to know, who the chap is. Whereby it spies also again and again it gladly afterwards, if it has a DATE, but it makes it not over for it thereafter a lecture to then hold that "chose ' it at all does not fit. Further in the Rpg"

Terms, Abbreviations and Assholery: M - Z

These final terms are from The Fanfiction Glossary and Fanfiction Terminolgy. This list, as you will see, is incomplete. I am sure I will be able to find many more terms to throw at you later. I haven't even gone into anime yet. EEeeeeeeeeyugh! *shudders*


A coy fandom-specific nickname for Mary Sue.

I prefer to to use the term Crap Suzette. Much more accurate.


A crossover involving characters from several different works -- at least four or five.

Wouldn't it be super-sqee-y-cool if Hannah Montana as My Little Pony, Pirates of the Caribbean, Little House on the Prairie and Warrior Cats?????!!!!1111!!11111!!?????

my hed iz pastede on yay!

A phrase coined during CrystalWank to describe a photo in which Dominic Monaghan's face had obviously been Photoshopped onto another photo. The phrase spread and mutated.

My understanding is some lame fan girl once tried to claim that she met Dominic Monaghan in a bar and he came to home and just sprawled on her bed. She tried to prove it with a poor picture that fooled no one. The picture is too large for me to plunk down here so I provided a link: Encyclpedia Dramatica. This term is relevant in rpgs, to me, where I have seen authors post pictures of themselves getting it on with Tom Felton and other poor people caught up in this freaky mess.


Rules of acceptable online behavior. Whether assumed, word-of-mouth, or painstakingly recorded, these rules vary from situation to situation -- and from fandom to fandom. If you're not a "local" (or even if you are!), it's best that you mind your manners.

Manners! Haw! Mary Sues don't need to follow no stinking netiquette! Rules are for fools! If a Mary Sue doesn't like something, she can stick her magical tongue out at it and make it all go away. She just rocks that much!!!!


Plot? What Plot? -- refers to stories with little to no plot. May be vignettes, character studies or, most frequently, pure sex.

Let's just go on and on talking about Mary Sue's bouncy blonde curls, how awful her past was or just fuck every every available male. No plot needs to muck up Mary Sue's narrative. If she's preserved in a directionless morass then you may never notice that she doesn't have an interest in anything other than herself.

Sex Pollen

refers to stories in which some sort of external influence (often the pollen of a plant, hence the name, but may be any kind of drug or mind-control) causes the characters to spontaneously engage in sexual relations, often oblivious to gender or sexuality or even propiety. Is a classic sci-fi genre.

I caught this once with a character of mine. Those dumb aliens made my character have sex with a Mary Sue again and again and again. I can only hope that one who has had a sex pollen attack is immune from it forever.


refers to possibly offensive elements (ie: bestiality, BDSM, rape, domestic discipline, etc...) of a story which may cause feelings of unease or revulsion in a reader. Derived from the word "squeamish" and the slang term "icky." Authors should provide warnings of any and all possible squicks in their stories. (Remember: Different people are squicked by different things! Besides, one person's squick may be another's kink... so it's not always a bad thing to advertise.)

Still confused about what this means? Look at any anime rpg. Every time you flinch or feel the bile rising in your throat, THAT is a squick!


refers to stories in which physical or emotional pain is heaped on a favourite character, often repeatedly and brutally. Very similar to Hurt/Comfort, but differentiated mainly by motive: H/C fics exist to provide one character the chance to offer comfort to the injured one, whereas whump fics are usually written more for the sheer pleasure of seeing the whumpee battered and bruised. See also: 'H/C'

Whumping can go either way. Someone may whump on a character they like to get others to feel sorry for it, like an Emo Sue. She's the one who not only lost her parents to vampires, she was also raped by several members of the vampire clan, dropped down a well, rescued by werewolves, bitten by one, shot with a silver bullet that missed the heart so she lived but must crawl to the nearest roadside diner for help, run over by a motorcycle on the way there, raped by the motorcyclist, gets AIDS, becomes a cutter, finds out she's some freaky vampire/werewolf hybrid with magical powers and a sudden knowledge of guns, and know she is too hardened to ever look for real love with any man.

Or, whumping can happen to a character an author doesn't like. The character is either someone from the show/movie/book they don't like or a real person fictionalized into a punching bag. As therapeutic as this may be, it really hinders an rpg when this character demands constant beatings, rapings and mutilations. This type of behavior gives me major feelings of squick.

Then again, I often feel like I'm getting whumped everytime I enter an rpg. Why do I keep doing this to myself?