Friday, September 26, 2008

Emo Stu

Maybe I just don't get emos. Perhaps I've been getting them all wrong. I think the best way for me to understand an emo is to read a bio about one written by a 17 year old.

And where will I find a great concentration of emos? Hmmmm.... I know! An rpg about a mental institution. Let's see how a 17 year old understands complex mental illnesses. This is going to be fun!

Name: Jamie Ray Boyd
Birthday:May Thirty-First.

I'm finding many Harry Potter rpgs over run with bisexuals. It's safe to say that if a male rpg character isn't a full-muscled, gun-toting samurai or the perfect Mary Sue boyfriend, then he's a bisexual emo. Really. Men aren't that complex, I guess. In fact, everyone in this particular rpg is bisexual. Even a few pansexuals. That poor therapy dog!


Um... American isn't a race. But, do go on...

Celeb Face:Alex Evans.
Jamie's skin tone is the color of snow, its so pale time that you can see the veins in his face and the rest of his body. (Ew!!!!).Jamie's weight is very low for his frame and the way he eats.He literally shovels the food into his mouth at twenty miles an hour.(He should go into competitive eating!) He has a very defined six pack and pecks (Oh sure, like all drug addicts who end up in hospitals a lot.) which win the hearts of guys and girls that he dates.He also has six deep scars on the inside of his both of his wrist for past suicide attempts.

Jamie has dark brown hair, usually swept off to the side and parted far down the side of his head, and it is straight, naturally. Jamie often changes the appearance of his hair; sometimes he'll spike it up a little, sometimes he'll part it on the other side.And times he will even add streaks of color,from pink, to teal, to sky blue.

Yeah, standard emo. We get it.

Jamie has his lip pierced twice with snake bites and below that he has his chin pierced.Although he doesn't always wear the chin piercing.Now Tattoos he's in love with.He has his whole back covered in Tribal designs like his brother but the biggest design on his back is a picture of the devil in red ink that says,'Live your life to the fullest'.Even though he never tends to follow that he still likes to have it on his back.And the tops part of his arms also have tribal designs and so does his legs.So basically he's covered in tattoos even though he's only Sixteen.

17-- he's 17 now. You said so. 17.

One day he might just have plain eyeliner on his eyes and other days he goes all out and makes designs.His favorite make-up routine is black eyeliner on his eyes with blood red paste eyeshadow with black X's going down from his eyes.

Seriously, you aren't allowed in the Emo Club if you don't wear eyeliner. They'll kick you right out!

His style is what people would call punk rock or Emo.He loves the color black so thats why he dresses the way he does and some people think he dresses that way because he's depressed,and sometimes he is.But the one thing you well most likely always see him in is tight ripped and faded girl pants.He likes to wear spiked belts and sometimes a spiked metal dog collar around his neck.And sometimes he'll go all out in all black leather, and basically in Bondage clothes.

Don't ask him about Prince Albert!


Angry Person

Jamie has very big problems with his anger to wear it has resulted in him getting arrested for it on many occasions.He doesn't mean to become angry but because of his Bipolar disorder and when he doesn't take his medicine he becomes that way. One minute he'll be in a very happy mood and the sweetest guy you'll ever know then the next minute he'll blow up and start screaming, and swearing, and throwing and hitting things and people.

I don't know. If someone were to throw things around and hit me and then turn around and be sweet, if I had to choose one word to describe them, it would be asshole. I realize he has bipolar disorder (which I've seen numerous times in rpgs) but this is just shoehorned in. As it is, I don't don't have it myself but I'm struggling to define what it is and what it's about. In the hands of a 17 year old author I worry it will be used for attention so Jamie can have senseless tantrums and have scene where he'll have to apologize to the people he lashed out at and then have wild, crazy make up sex with them.

Sweet at times
For being such an angry person most of the time, he also has a sweet side to him.He loves animals and little kids to death.He can't stand to watch people be mean to others or be jerks.Yet he's that person also and that why he hates himself sometimes.When ever your feeling down Jamie is the person to come to, when ever you want to be loved, again he's the person to come to.

Sorry but even if I were sad, I wouldn't go to him. If I wanted a cuddle, definitely not.

Big Flirt:
Jamie is the biggest flirt that you will also meet. He will also flirt with peoples mom's so everyone watch out!

Ah yes, Jamies addiction to sex. The first time he did have sex it was with a girl who was really big into bondage type stuff, and she was not gentle at all.So maybe it was because of this, that Jamie now likes rough sex. and that he loves having sex period.He feels in adequate when he doesn't have sex at least twice a week. And to Jamie sex is sex, whither it be with a girl, an older person or a young person.

Or whither it be with Rip Torn. It totally doesn't matter!

Now it's time for me to do some cutting. This boy's history is long and sad and very Gary Stu. I'm cutting out all the redundant lines and only giving you the highlights. Yes, this is long. Sorry. Blame the author.


Jamie Ray Sanford was a child born of cheating.

On May,31st 1991 was the day that Jamie was born and by then Tyler Boyd had gone back to his wife and son and left Sarah Ann to take care of her own baby by herself.His mother was coping with severe depression and Bipolar disorder. Little Jamie had to fend for himself.He learned to beg, borrow, and steal like a pro for food and clothes.But surprisingly he was never caught yet, that is.

On his tenth birthday his mother was so deep into depression that she couldn't seem to go on any longer.So she attempted suicide but failed when Jamie found her hanging from the ceiling.

When Jamie turned 14 is when he finally went to school.Although he had missed so many years of school, he said that he was homed schooled and even had forged papers that said so.He learned quickly and was actually one of the brightest students at he school, despite missing so many years of school.

But again things got even worse on his fifteenth birthday, his mom Sarah Ann finally committed suicide while Jamie was at school.She had overdosed on her depression meds.So the only thing left to do was take care of himself.But he didn't do to good, he was still stealing food and money now from people to start paying for his new found love.Angel Dust, the first time he tryed it it took away all his pain and it made him feel alive fro the first time.

But he was still severally depressed also.And couldn't take it any longer.One year after his mothers suicide and his Sixteenth birthday he also attempted it.So his lover called 911 and Jamie survived.

He was seen by many different shrinks who tryed to help him open up about his past, but none of them where successful.That is until he meet Dr.Micheal Ford. And then Dr.Ford betrayed Jamie, he found his birth father Tyler Boyd and contacted him and told him about Jamie and he and his wife decided that they would take him in to there home in Palm Springs.Jamie was so furious and upset that he decided to try and end his life again, because he did not want to face his father.

They had decided that they were going to lock Jamie up in a psych ward but changed there minds when Tyler Boyd and his wife said that they could not do that, because they wanted to take him home now.

The night Jamie arrived himself in New Orleans he learned for the first time that he had a brother, and in older and very cute brother at that.But then one night when Jamie was high from Angel dust again and his brother Tommy was drunk, they decided to talk things out.But talking turned into more than that.They started kissing and touching then one thing lead to the next.Of course Jamie was so very confused but he couldn't help how he felt twords Tommy so they kept how they felt about each other secret.

And the shit hit the fan I guess you could say.Jamie was having a really bad night and was so far gone from the heroine that he had used over and over again that night that he went outside and into his shed and grabbed a rope.Now I'm guessing you know what he was about to do but if you don't here is what he did.And he did almost die but his brother found him and called 911 just in time.So Jamie lived and is now actually locked up in Aspen Springs.

Good looking? Check! Incredibly intelligent? Check! Tragic History? Triple Check! A source to create constant drama from? Check! Suddenly becoming wealthy? Check!

I'm not sure if I understand emos any better. For all I know, this emo giving all real emos a bad name. I may never know if that's true but the more emo bios I read, the more I worry how similar they are to Mary Sues and Gary Stus. The evidence I see from rpg to rpg is not looking good.

No comments: