Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Camp Suck

Welcome to Summer Nights. It's a role playing game based on a wicked cool summer camp where all sorts of original characters can have wangsty adventures together. It failed miserably. I think the first problem was that nearly every character was emo, shy but aloof, crazy but stoic, austere but quiet or unable to trust but emotionally closed off from others. The second problem is that every character is 16 or 17. At that age you should be a counselor, not a camper.

Let's check in a few places around the camp and see if we can further pinpoin what went wrong. Here is the most exciting scene from the Girl's Dorm:

It was 6:45, and they had nothing to do. "So, what would my girlfriend like to do now?" he asked, his arms still around her.

Her mouth twisted as she thought about it, and she shifted as Ashton hugged her and kissed her forehead. "I don't know. What'd you like to do?"

Ash let go of her, a little concerned that something was wrong. "Hmm. Let's get to know each other a little more," he suggested. He barely knew anything about her, which was weird, because he felt like he's known her for his whole life."What's your favorite color?" he asked. He knew his. It was red - the former color of Jaclyn's hair.

Jaclyn smiled. She didn't expect this, but she loved Ashton for thinking of it. "Oh, hum. Probably teal." She glanced up at the ceiling, then back down to Ash, then let her eyes drop down, then back up. "What's yours?"

Teal. He's never really payed attention to that color. There were so many shades of blue; he probably didn't even know half of them. Wait, teal was a shade of blue, right? Before he confused himself, he tuned in on Jaclyn. With a grin, he parted his mouth to speak. "Red. Guess why," he said.

Meanwhile, if the Boy's Dorm's a-rocking, don't come a-knocking. Here's a couple of roommates getting to know each other:

Takeshi shivered with delight and smiled against Ryder's lips. Ryder's moan was music to his ears and Take knew enought about kissing that moans were good things. It meant whoever you were kissing was really enjoying the kiss. Kisses were strange to Takeshi. He knew that one of the most sensitive places on the human body were the lips and he always wondered why. Naturally he'd been kissed before. He knew that those kisses were okay- even the heated ones but he'd never had a kiss that sent his heart flying. God he really needed to look in a mirror for those wings. But kisses... This kiss... It was different.

In the Mess Hall, Darvet (who looks like Orlando Bloom) and Lily (who looks like Amanda Bynes) have this conversation:

Darvet didn't just want to sit there doing nothing, he offered her a fry and smiled some before trying to start a conversation, asking her simple questions. "So...whats your favorite color?"

What was her favorite color? He must have been really bored. Lily began to think of it; it used to be light green, but she had a new favorite color. "The color of your eyes," she said, staring into his eyes at that moment. "What about you?"

Darvet smiled some as he heard her reply to his question. He didn't quite know what his favorite color was. There was so many colors yet he hasn't really stopped to think what his favorite color is. "I would have to say blue.." He said, his favorite jacket was a dark blue color.

"Where were ya born?" He asked, Darvet wanted to know about her background. Hopefully he could tell her about his past.

When he asked his next question, she parted her white teeth to speak. "San Fransisco.. What about you?" She asked. It was her turn to ask the questions. After Darvet answered her current question, she asked another one. "So, how did you get here?"

At the Fire Pit, things heat up:

Everything was moving so fast. Hunter didn't know what was what or how the hell he somehow ended up so very close to the other boy's boy. He could have just moved one step closer and been directly in his arms. Tonio's scent was simply captivating... so manly... so hot. Just as he started to close his eyes, Tonio hopped back and grabbed his hand again. Holy shit.... this kid is pretty spontaneous. He couldn't help but smile. That was something he was starting to really like about this kid.

Summer Camp. Where the chicks are boring, the dudes are gay and the trees on The Trail are like rice people and want to commit suicide-- I think. I have no idea where this is going.

Crunch...snap...crunch... Jude flinched at the amount of noise that came from his simple stroll down the trail. Twigs and leaves littered the pathway off-seasonly, so it was hard to prevent all the racket that one step would create. He supposed that the trees might be dying. They were pretty close together, so perhaps there weren't enough nutrients in the ground to feed all of them. Or maybe they were greedy. Like glutenous humans, they had over-indulged themselves in the fruits of good nutrition. And now they were running out of resources... committing a force of suicide.

Is there any fun to be had in the Strip Club that campers sometimes sneak off too? Let's see:

"Sooo, where are you from" ash said the beer picking up on her a bit. Ash chugged another quarter of it down her throat. Yeah, she would drink beer slightly faster then the normal person would. "I'm from Napanee, Canada yeah you don't see many canadians out here" she said. Ash looked back up at matt. She tended to ramble a bit but that was just ash always rambling about something or another.

Memories flooded. "Boston." He didn't feel like saying much more.

"Boston auh-some" she said using her on version of awesome. Ash looked back over to him, she listened again closly to the song and finally recongized it. The song was Low by Flo Rida. She heard it a couple of times on the radio and such. Ash remarked "Weird stuff they play at these clubs eh?"

"So..." He had nothing to talk about. Nothing in common, at least. Except the fact that they were both here and they both drank. He sipped his beer and placed it lightly on the counter beside him. "Can't wait for it to get warmer outside, hm?" Matt smirked. The weather! How pathetic of him. Oh well, though. "Actually, I like the cold. The snow. But it gets boring after a few months, right?" He blinked. "Wait, you lived in Canada. Is it just rumor, or does it really snow a lot up there?" Here we go. This may be a conversation yet.

"Haha yeah their is alot of snow up there I guess you could say, you get used to it after the first huge snowfall" she said. Ash laughed and took another drink out of her miller light. "The music here is such bull"
After that, Ash got quiet. Was it usual for girls to just clam up like that? Matthew cast a glance in her direction, only to find her drumming on the counter. "You can drum?"

If you can wake yourself up, it's time to conclude this analysis. I only see three types of people; the gay emos, Mary Sues and the perfect, supportive yet dull, Mary Sue boyfriends. There are only two types of interactions among them; comfortable interview or pleasant sex.

Players and owners should strive to promote more than just these types in the rpg. Original characters ought to really mean "Original." Being too safe turns into being stagnant. You would think that a summer camp with a pool, skatepark and easy access to a strip club would be awesome right? It actually turns out to be quite yawn-worthy which is why I think the campers couldn't take the cabin fever and they left.

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