Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's not easy being veela... even though veelas are totally easy!

If you aren't a Harry Potter fan you may just be asking yourself what a veela is. A veela is a fairy but in the Harry Potter universe they have been contorted into something else. Veelas are like the Paris Hiltons of the fairy world. They are blonde, blue eyed and will hop into bed with anyone. In the books we meet two known part veelas: Fleur Delacour and her sister Gabrielle. It's also hinted that Narcissa Malfoy looks like a veela so Draco may also have veela blood. Who the hell really knows? But it sure does make for some twisted fanfiction and rpg Mary Sues.

Check out these quotes I've taken from a short and simple Google search that shows how many Mary Sues claim veelas as part of their lineage in order to boost their slut appeal:

"Lia looks every bit the part veela that she is."

"Sometimes, she loved being part Veela, it was always amuzing to see guys reactions as you walked past."

"It was part of the package of being a Veela the heritage that was hers."

"As a result of this, she is part veela, part witch, and is considered a half-blood to the pure-blooded folk."

"Draco Malfoy is a part Veela who has just come into his Veela Inheritance to discover that his mate is none other than Harry Potter."

"Despite how loving and happy her home was, Kiss always struggled with the attention being part veela got her."

"Being part veela, people's eyes sometimes tended to wander towards her anyway."

"Alegra decided that since the item was usually something students didn't acquire she walked to the counter but manipulated her movements ever so slightly with the attraction harnessed by the Veela blood inherited from her grandmother."

"How could I have never told her that I was part Veela?"

"Draco is part Veela and goes into heat, one thing leads to another, now Draco is pregnant. When his father banishes him for not giving up the child, Draco has nowhere to go but to Professor Snape. Will Ron ever find out hes the father?"

"Looks: tall-ish, wavy blond hair, silver blue eyes, and an athletic body type. She is part Veela."

"The moment that his fingers left it and he realized that it had not yet gone off in a fiery blaze in his face, an enormous breath of relief whooshed out of the part-veela’s mouth."

"Arabelle is known througout Hogwarts to be one of the most attractive girls there mostly because shes part veela."

"She is remembered there for her beauty and being the first person with more than 1/16th veela blood to have attended since the 1800s. (She is 1/8th veela.)"

"Irish,Italian,French,American, she also has a bit of veela in her."

"but many people are blinded by her beauty (not being bigheaded - she's an 8th veela)"

"Special Talents: Genevieve has part Veela in her (her mothers side) so she can easily charm boys."

"Her mother, Alexxia, was half-Veela, her father an Auror."

"Family: Mum-Maire Ash, dad-Jackson Ash. Marie is half veela [which makes Jessica part veela also]."

"That's what anyone would notice when first gazing upon the girl. Then they would notice that she's pretty. Whether she likes it or not, she got her looks from her Grandmother, who was a veela."

"In March of 1989, Kensie James was born into an already large family. In addition to her father, a muggleborn Englishman, her mother, a half veela, half pure Scottish woman, she had eight siblings, all of which were always willing to give her a piggyback ride or let her talk their ear off about the most obscure of things."

"Bio: Left on the doorstep of her adoptive parents as a baby, no one really knows where she comes from. All is known about Rye's origin is that she is part Veela and the daughter of the murderer, Sirius Black."

"Turns out, somewhere back, veela blood got into their blood, making them part veela."

"You're the perfect girl, I don't care if you're part veela, all I see is you, and no one else."

"Lena narrowed her eyes at Victoire's last comment. 'I know how hard it is, Victoire; I've felt it. It's called sexual tension. The fact that you're part Veela makes no difference in that whatsoever.'"

"History: Transfered from the great french school of beauxbatons in her 3rd year. She speaks french/english and is part veela."

"He stares at her a moment dazed by her veela-ness."

"Looks: Delia is part Veela, but very modest about it."

"'What? No, I think you have angelic eyes—'
'That of a maiden veela,' added George gallantly."

"Her mother is part veela so Natalie gets the prettiness from her."

"Notable Qualities: One of the top Ravenclaws at Hogwarts, one of the most poised students at Hogwarts, Part veela,Raised in a Slytherin family, racist against Mudbloods, duh."



"Maria is a Vampire, plus she is part Veela. When Maria was a little girl, her parents died in front of her. She was then taken away and was bitten by a vampire and was forced to be one."

SON OF A BITCH!!!! Vampires killed her veela parents??? They are such assholes! Now she's a vampire veela witch. She's just more amazingly awesome than someone who is awesomely amazing.

'Veela-ness' is like an STD. Expect characters with this trait to mention it all the time, flirt with every male character in the rpg and be angry at the female characters in the rpg who aren't jealous of the part veela's beauty. Overall, any character who is part veela is usually just a one trick whore.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Silly Ass Banners Part 2

Draco Malfoy and the Harem of Sues

Yes, as Eddie Izzard and I have been saying all along, everyone loves a bastard. I was going to make this series of Silly Ass Banners about the whole "Harry Potter" genre but I was disturbed with all the Draco pairings I found. Sues just can't help themselves. They want to fix Draco and the only way to do that is through the purest love that only a Sue can give.

I admit, these banners are from fanfictions. I'm still showing them here because fanfictions and role playing games go hand in hand. Mary Sues infect both worlds and I find the ones who dabble in both to be particularly vile because they plug their fanfics in rpgs. If you are a Mary Sue and you are reading this please consider that if you act like an ass in the same rpg I am in, I won't be checking out your assy fanfic.

You may have some trouble reading these banners because I shrunk them down. These suckers are HUGE and I won't give these Sues the satisfaction of ruining my blog by stretching it out.

Born to hate each other yet destined to snog. Tori is a tough chick from the wrong side of the tracks. He's a spoiled rich kid. Will her sarcasm and humping win him over in time for the Yule Ball? I'm all a twitter!!!11!!!
Why would Draco ever take the bus? I suppose he must have been down on his luck, the poor git. He has troubles a only Mary Sue could soothe so maybe she'll have to go down on him... you know... to ease his pain.

If Michelle Skankenburg and that Highschool Musical kid can't help Draco, who else can? That bit below Draco reads: "Awesomely amazing story written by the awesomely amazing: JustLikeTheRain". I wonder what she is trying to tell us about herself.

Her purple sparklies outnumber his green sparklies. He doesn't stand a chance against her Sparklypoo charms.

"A Collison with Hope." Yes, our Mary Sue is named Hope and she assures us this is magnificently written. Let me tell you about how the 'collison' will work. Draco is gonna bang that bitch with Hope of banging her again.

I don't know what could be worse than reading about Draco Malfoy and some purple eyed, diaper wearing Kawaii ho.

And here is what could be worse: Draco is now reduced to a femmie, Kawaii asshole.

Be grateful for one thing, dear readers. I kept his harem to chicks only. You could have been looking at Draco being paired with Harry, Ron, Snape, Dumbledore or that Highschool Musical kid.