Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Sparklypoos, Tootsietramps and Qanonreips! Oh my!

Some terms created to make fun of Harry Potter fanfiction are just good enough to transcend boundaries and, I feel, can also apply to non-Harry Potter role playing games.
.
Here are the four alternate houses that most fanfiction Harry Potter characters fall into if written by a Suethor. I guarantee you'll see these people anywhere you choose to role play as they are common and craptacular
.
Sparklypoo
.
Members of the house of Sparklypoo follow every classic Mary Sue/Gary Stu pattern. They are positively perfect in every way, pretty as a picture, connected to important people and can solve any issue just by being awesome and smelling nice. They are untouchable soul suckers who serve no purpose other than to clog up role playing games with their own emotional masturbation. SHAMEFUL!
.
This term was created by Pirate Monkey Inc. who created the best (and only) comic based on the non-stop mass of Sparklypoos inflicting their crap on perfectly good rpgs.
.
Surlysnarl or Bitchiwitch
.
I like these terms so you might see me use them both interchangeably. Both refer to the same sorts of characters. These are the Mary Sues/Gary Stus who are goth/emo/dominatrix/alternative and serve no other purpose than to yell at other characters and at like they are misunderstood. While a Sparklypoo may have a tragic childhood like, oh let's just pull something out of thin air, their parents were killed by vampires, a Sparklypoo would rise above it and fight all vampires and other bad thngs. A Surlysnarl/Bitchiwitch would dwell on it, take up smoking, become evil, maybe even become a vampire and certainly assert that no one has suffered like they have. It may be fun for them to be so troubled but it's a big yawn to the rest of us who have to role play with this bore.
.
I have not yet been able to hunt down the origins of the of the term Surlysnarl but Bitchiwitch was coined by a LiveJournal blogger named pottersues. She's very funny. Look for more terms from her in upcoming List Bitch articles.
.
Tootsietramp
.
This house belongs to the characters designed to get laid. Everything about them is engineered so they are the perfect sexual mate for anyone available to fuck. They are hot, virile, curvy, stacked, muscular and their greatest weapon in sex. Tootsietramp women have big boobs and will flop them around for attention or they may faint and need to be saved by any available men. Tootsietramp men are just all penis and no personality. This may sound great but try having a conversation with one that doesn't involve the growing bulge in his pants.
.
This term is also brought to us by pottersues. I'm scared to learn this term in encountered so much in Harry Potter fanfiction that it truly needs it's own definition.
.
Qanonreip
.
This term is pronounced as "canon rape" and it was made up by a LiveJournal blogger known as theeternalmind. It refers to a Suethor who plays a canon completely against type to conform to their own needs. We've seen a few of them in this blog such as the Tara from Buffy who wanted to be beaten a lot and the several veela Dracos from Harry Potter who wanted to fuck Harry or Ron. Or both.
.
I could almost forgive a Qanonreip if I were to see one in a "What If" rpg. By that I mean that the rpg asks what if certain things happened that weren't in the TV, movie or book that the canon is based on. What if Han Solo were gay? What if Superman landed in Smallville in 1812? What if Dorothy Gale were born a cat and the Wicked Witch of the West born a dog? Crazy, huh? But why not? Dare to dream, I say.
.
BUT, I feel strongly that if the rpg is straight forward, right out of the TV show, movie or book, then play the canon the way they are intended to be played. A canon becomes a Sue if they change the canon just to be the center of attention. Like, what if in a Doctor Who rpg, Doctor Who decides he wants to have a wild Dalek sex orgy in the TARDIS. He would never do that and the only purpose would be for everyone in the rpg to take notice and, in hopes of the Suethor, find this amusing. For this reason, you may also see owners of clubs as the primary perpetrators of Qanonreip.
.
What's the deal with the pictures?
.
So you noticed the pictures, huh? They are called Dollz. They are internet creations that people can use as avatars for either themselves or their characters. Some, I admit, are cute. Some others are incredibly annoying. I will show you more as I encounter them because they are are definitely a Mary Sue indicator. Here is one 'DOLLZ' that I found that I think is very cute. It's Harry Potter's Prof. Trelawney:
.
Aw!

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Anonymous said...

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