Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Kawaii: A Culture of Crippling Cuteness

What the Hell is Kawaii?

Kawaii is
defined as cute. It’s a Japanese culture that promotes infantile adorableness and childlike behavior, especially in women. It also involves fuzzy animals who speak in baby talk and have eyes as large as soccer balls. Here are some links to wikipedia and Google that gives you a peek into this creepy phenomenon.

On the surface it seems innocent but Kawaii characters demand lots of attention. Luckily, they are easy to spot and because these "Kawaii Sues" make quite a scene out of themselves. Through appearance and actions they can crap all over a good role playing game like babies without diapers.

Kawaii Sues vs Physical Appearance

It’s not a rule that Kawaii Sues have to be Japanese but they will have a connection to Japan in some way. Usually this is evident when they have a Japanese name and make a point of saying they like anime. There’s a great chance their avatar will be anime. It will be twinkly and glittery and just too cute for precious, fucking words to describe.

They often have really weird colored hair or eyes. Pink, white, silver, purple. Here is a Kawaii Sue I ran into in a Harry Potter rpg:

"Tia's favorite colour is purple so naturally she had dyed her hair purple and wears purple contacts. Tia's hair even though it is purple holds a great beauty to it, with it long waves and a perfect glittery shine to it, many start to wonder it this is her real hair. Tia always wears purple with her out fits. If she is found walking the halls in her school robe, you will not be surprised to find she had tied a purple scarf around her waste to keep it closed. On the weekends however, Tia is never caught without wearing her favorite outfit, the purple shoes with white netting knee high socks. A purple skirt with fluffy bonbons hanging down, and a purple top that is loose but comfortable all the same. Tia also loves to wear jewellery, she wears bracelets and necklaces and dangling earrings to match. The best word people use for Tia, is that she is just so Purple."

As a side note, I am becoming profoundly disturbed by all this misuse of the word "waste" by Mary Sues. They all have some sort of signature on their "waste."

Kawaii Sue Biographies

I can only imagine that in order for a Kawaii Sue to act so childish, it makes sense to the author to make the reason psychological. Something traumatic happened to this person, otherwise they are just childish morons in sailor suits. Usually the reasons are fairly heavy in origin. Lots of horrible child abuse, a pitiful isolation from the outside world, watching their parents get killed by vampires or some shit like that.

Meet Shero (Picture to the above):

"Her real father was mean and cruel; he was very lazy and did bad things to Shero when she was very little. That is the reason her mother took her away from him thought ever since she has no spoken a word because of the bad thought of her real father."

Whatever their background is, you can bet a Kawaii Sue’s storylines will center around whatever the incident was that put them into this state of perpetual immaturity.

Kawaii Sues vs Social Interaction

Kawaii Sues, due to their isolation, have little understanding of the real world. It's intended to be cute when
they are puzzled by simple conversations but depending on the genre, having to explain life to a Kawaii Sue is excrutiating. It's like trying to swim with a weight around your neck because Kawaii Sues need constant attention from whomever they come in contact with. Some of this attention comes in the form of what I like to call Kawaii Questions.

Kawaii Questions are different from normal questions in that they are stretched out to their most insane degree. Kawaii Sues have grown up with a limited knowledge of things and they apply their stupidity to these questions and come up with a question that is usually meant to embarrass the person being asked.

Here are some examples:

"So tea is made of chewed up food that sits in water for hours?"
"Cows poop out butter and you eat it on toast with jam?"
"Does TV come from little people in the air who get sucked in through wires?"
"Why does it hurt when I stick my fingers in the toaster? Will it hurt less if I stick my toes in?"
"Can I dry off my cat in your microwave? She's all wetsies."
"He's so dreamy but why does he make me all tingly- you know- down there?"

Kawaii Sues vs Sex

Despite how rock stupid Kawaii Sues are, they are more than willing to shuck off their diapers to have incredibly kinky sex. In fact, some have obscenely overdeveloped breasts under those sailor uniforms and little knowledge of bras so no wonder sex comes naturally to them.

Perhaps this is due to the horrible childhoods they had where they were probably sexually abused. I have no idea. I'm no psychologist so the reason for their rampant promiscuity is anyone's guess. All in all, Kawaii Sue sex is regarded as pure and innocent no matter what the source. Kawaii Sues don't know any better and if they did, the illusion that they are babies would be ruined. Just expect the titties in your face to belong to a chick with the brains of a 4 year old.

In Conclusion

Kawaii Suethors are after attention, not a true storyline so their mental deficiencies are rarely dealt with, just inflicted on others. Personally, I will never understand the appeal of playing one but as far as rpgs go, they usually choke and die fast. They can't keep up with the action because they want to stay stagnant. If you see one in your rpg travels, don't expect any plot advances but do expect a grown chick who barely understands what underwear is for. And if you like that kink, stay the hell out of my rpgs.

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