Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Remember when Willow did that spell that awakened all the Mary Sues?


Name: Kendrix (Meet this Jessica Alba look-alike who became a slayer in the Buffy based rpg. It seems that when Willow awakened all the potentials into slayers, she gave millions of Mary Sues an excuse to Mary Sue all over perfectly innocent rpgs and ruin them on a grand scale. Here's Kendrix, a textbook Mary Sue. Also, where is Jessica's belly button? I see slight discoloration around the area where it's meant to be but I see no actual belly button. CREEPY!)
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Age: 19
Hair color: Black with red streaks in it (originally blond)
Eye color: Blue
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Looks: has a tattoo of the triquetra on the back of her neck,a tiger tattoo on her left shoulder, a tattoo of black panther on her right shoulder. (I had to look this up. When I first saw it, I groaned. Is she stealing from Charmed too?) Has a nose ring, belly button ring (But there is no belly button. That's just awkward.) , eye-brow piercing, birthmark on her back just above her waste (Ew! A birthmark on her "waste." Witches are truly evil if they go so far as to have birthmarks on their poop.) -all the witches/wiccans in her family has one just like it (male and female). (What is wrong with this family? Gah!)
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Weapons: she carries two athemes that were given to her by her grandmother that has been handed down they are used for good not evil as well as two stakes given to her by some mysterious person (Perhaps she should have learned about punctuation instead of witchcraft. Also, she was just handed some stakes? That's awfully convenient, wouldn't you say?)
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Occupation: Witch/Wiccan and Slayer (but mostly Slayer) (She's a little of this and a little of that. A witch and slayer. I have seen so many Mary Sues pull this crap that it's tiring. If you think I'm overreacting to this slayer/wiccan thing then A.) You are a Suethor or B) Read further. It gets better!)
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History: Was born into a family of witches. Her powers were bound by her grandmother to keep her safe and also so she could have a normal life but that lasted until she ws 11 that's when her powers manifested when she turned 16 her full powers came out. (I knew it! Just like on Charmed! I am surprised she doesn't look like Alyssa "Cooter Face" Milano.)
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She lived with her older sister and her husband because their mom and younger siblings had been killed by warlocks and dad was killed by vampires. (DAMN YOU, VAMPIRES!!! Do you not care that in your wake you are leaving thousands of Mary Sues behind. DAMN YOU!!!) When Willow did the spell to call all the slayers she got stronger but has yet to find out she is a slayer she knows about slayers but just doesn't think she is one or can be one. (But I bet she knows how to use those athemes and those stakes. It's a good thing she's so prepared to fight evil despite being so conveniently clueless.)
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Giles is her long lost Uncle. (Oh holy smeg!!! I call a big serious foul on this peice of shit.) Kendrix's father and he were brothers. He has no idea that she is a slayer or even a witch he doesn't even know she exists or that his brother died. (Um... wouldn't it follow that if he didn't know she existed, he won't know she's a witch or a slayer either? It can't possibly be the other way around. That's just silly.) She hardly uses her magic though because it tends to go a tad haywire at times and when she gets mad well she isn't all fun to be around (*think Dark Willow) (Really, Dark Willow? What other Mary Sue qualities can we pile on here? She's already as strong as Buffy, as evil as Dark Willow, as smart as Giles... will she now be as Key-y as Dawn, as ex-demony as Anya, as lesbiany as Tara or twice as one eyed as Xander? Why the Hell do we even need the Scoobies at all? Kendrix can do it all by herself.) she will use them if needed but when not needed she keeps her magic on the down low. Her weakness is her family and she doesn't really trust a whole lot ofpeople.
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(**note she is not all mighty even though it may seem from the bio**) (A disclaimer. Phew! She nearly made herself perfect. It's a good thing that she clarified that despite all her awesomely mad skills, she's humble about it. We shall see. I may be role playing up against her soon. I'll let you know if Kendrix attacks my character for even thinking a sinister thought before my character has even acted on it. That will be the test... not the test for being a Mary Sue because she excells in that. It will be my test to see how much more of this shit I can handle before going insane.)

1 comment:

Birdie said...

Hair color: Black with red streaks in it (originally blond)

For some reason this got me more than any of the rest of that typical Mary Sue crap. If you want your character to have dark hair, why not make her have dark hair? Why make her have light hair and dye her hair black? I mean, a real character in a real story might have this quality to add some sort of character depth, but as long as you're on the Mary Sue train anyway, you may as well go all the way and make her just naturally have the hair you want her to have.

Also, I'm sorry (no I'm not), but blond hair dyed black looks like ass. Blonds don't usually have the natural coloring that makes purely black hair look right, especially if you're not planning to dye your eyebrows as well. Also, when your dye job starts growing out (almost immediately) your roots will look horrendous. If I were playing with this character I'd be unable to not constantly imagine them with horrible blond showing roots.

Also, the more I look at that picture the more I think it's a case of Photoshop gone wrong. Probably the jacket falls below where Jessica Alba's belly button naturally is and in the original picture that probably looked normal. Whoever was in charge of Photoshopping out all those pesky flaws real women have before publishing the picture probably lengthened her torso to make her look taller and thinner. The result is that her belly button is no longer anywhere natural and now appears to be missing. The shadow there is probably her pelvis.