The Worst of All Worlds

So... Hannah Montana, huh? I hear she is famous and has fans. I've never seen the show and I don't think I really need to. I can still make fun of a Hannah Montana rpg.

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I find that in most rpgs based on this show, the young girls who role play create characters that fall into three different camps; those that just want to be bestest friends with Hannah Montana, those who have secrets just like her and those who are her bestest friends and have a secret like her.

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Here I bring you not one but three perps from the same Hannah Montana rpg that fall into the last camp. Are you ready for this triple Sue threat?

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Perp #1

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Name: Ayama Hawkeye
Age: 14
Interests: Anime, Hannah Montana, Drawing, Writing, Skateboarding, Snowboarding, swiming, Volleyball, hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer, singing, and she really likes things to do with the military.

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She's either well-rounded or has ADD. And she's Kawaii. Lovely! Fucking lovely.
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Personality: Normaly, Ayama is a shy girl. But when you make her mad, she takes awhile to calm down. She trusts her friends and will go far lenght to protect them. She loves her family. Since she small for her age, people tend to call her pipsqueak, shorty, etc, and that makes her mad. She will yell and spaz like a little dog until someone calms her down.

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Wow. ADD and schizophrenia. Perhaps rabies. Seriously? She acts like a dog? Is that supposed to be charming? I find that obnoxious.
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Appearance: Blonde hair that goes past her wasit (Which spends most of the time in a ponytail). Blue eyes and fair skin. She weres a white long sleeve shirt with a red tee shirt with a dragon on it and Japanesse words saying "love". Blue jeans with red at the bottom and white tennies.
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Haw! "Wasit." At least it's not "waste." I can't help but wonder how much of a bitch it probably is to hide all that fabulous hair under a wig.
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Bio: She moved to Malbui from Alaska just recently. She lives with her mother Amber, and her little 6 year old sister, Elyisa. Her mother told her that her and Elyisa that their father was killed in a car crash, but Ayama isnt so sure about that. She also as a secert, she is known as a hit popstar Trisha California. (Dont ask about the random name)XD

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I wonder what happened to her dad. I'm putting money on vampires eating him. I also wonder where she'll fit in all her wishy washy angst between gigs, her numerous hobbies, barking like a dog and doing her hair. Also, shouldn't she be Trisha Alaska?
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Friends: Lily, Oliver, Miley, Hannah Montana, and other people in the school that they dont talk about XD

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Friends with everyone. Because she's just that awesome. XD
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Anything else?: Um..I dont think so..

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I charge her with exhausting all avenues of Mary Sueness. She is good looking, friends with everyone, a singer, good at everything and she does and has serious mental issues. WHEEEE!!!
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Perp #2
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Name: Lana Williams/ Myra Edmins
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Apperance: Black hair down to the waist and a bit curly at the tips like Miley's and light blue eyes.

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More long hair. Those wigs must look really bumpy with all those perfect curls tucked up inside.
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Personality: Smart, outgoing, funny, friendly, nice, athletic, and more than just a girl she has a double life like Hannah Montan/Miley Stourt she is Lana Williams and Myra Edmins.

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She's more girl than girl!
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On Stage Apperance: Brown wig straight and down to elbows.

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She exchanged her long black hair with long brown hair. OOOOH!!! That's sneaky.
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That's it I hope I did it right.

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No. No you did not, sweetie.

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I charge her with not using a state-related surname and being an INCREDIBLY boring Mary Sue.

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Perp #3
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Name: Gracie Carson
Age:14
Interests: Soccer, Softball, Skateboarding, Guitar & Hanging with her friends

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Also hang gliding, origami, prank calling nursing homes, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then not eating them, collecting used fly strips, writing penpal letters to inmates, trying to see how many words you can get out of the letters that spell "sob," sleeping on ant hills, kitten wrestling and growing her hair.
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Personality: Hyper, Friendly, Sporty, Funny

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Posh and Scary too.
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Appearance: Tall & lanky. Long light brown hair and eyes the colour of mud. Some freckles around the nose and cheeks and double-pierced ears and another piercing up top on her right ear.

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Her wig must get caught in her earings A LOT!
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Bio: Gracie moved to Malibu when Oh Say Can You Remember the Words happened. She had traveled all over the world, and was moving from her most recent international home, Japan because her widowed mother got a job in California. Gracie is a strict vegetarian and a complete tree-hugger. She lives with her older brother, Matthew and little sister, Hannah. She also happens to have a HUGE crush on Oliver. Also she happens to secretly be teen pop sensation Rain Maine (lol like Hannah Montana is a name that rhymes with a state)

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Or like Rain Man. But, seriously, Rain Maine? And her dad is dead too? Was it vampires? And Japan? Is she inching towards Kawaii? Most likely.
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Friends: OLIVER, Miley, Lilly, Hannah Montana & some other people at their school that are never mentioned

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Everyone loves her! Squee!
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Anything else?: No

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I charge this Sue with being just like every other Sue. I mean, she's not quite a dull Sue but she's not quite a LOOK AT ME Sue either. Her crime is being too content with being just like everyone else.
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There. I told you I could do this without watching the show. Now I hope I never have to look at "That's So Raven," "Wizards of Waverly Place," "Zoey 101," "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody," or whatever else Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel churns out.