Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tabby Sue

Today's bio is something a little different. It is from a role playing game based on a series of books called Warrior Cats. I don't know much about these novels (but here's a link to wiki) but from what I gather, it's like Watership Down but with cats. They are sort of magic and they are warriors and they are cats. Wow!

Fabulous, huh? So how, in a world of kitties, could their possibly be a Mary Sue? There's lots of ways, I tell you! Just looks at this little pussycat's bio:

~Character Information~

Our Sue loves to use these: ~. Some Sues do. Maybe they think it gives them a twinkly, sparkly, wavy quality like their litterboxes don't stink. Plus, everything in this bio is centered just like our Sue's bio is... centered for our complete attention.

Personal Information

Name: Thornclaw

Age: 48 Seasons (12 Years)

Gender: She-Cat

Family: None

I predict she'd all angsty about having no family to call her own... except for the family of fleas in her fur. :o(

Love Life: None yet

Poor little kittycat. She has no serious relationship. It must be so difficult when the tomcats don't yet realize how awesome this Tabby Sue is.

Clan Information

Clan: Doveclan

Rank: Warrior


Twinkly flowery lines!!!!111!!! Don't they just make you want to squee?

Physical Description: Thornclaw is a brown tabby, who is rather small, and can be mistaken for a soon-to-be-warrior apprentice. Her eyes change color, from light hazel, to a little darker, depending on her mood. Although she is small, this allows her to be extremely speedy, and can fit in small places.

She's small and fast, mistaken for an inexperienced youth and her eyes change color. HALLMARK SIGNS of a Mary Sue. Can it get Sue-ier? Of course it can!

Short Physical Description: Thornclaw is a small and speedy Tabby-cat.

So.... why do we need a short physical description? I guess it's in case a Tabby Sue or Tommy Stu describes themselves too much and you just want to skip all that self serving, amazingly awesome shit and get clear answer.


Clan Wise: Thornclaw is extremely loyal to her clan. She has never broken the Warrior code before, and never will, unless under extreme circumstances. She respects her whole clan, but most of all her Leader, and Deputy.

Like if they don't allow her to be the smallest, fastest and bestest at something, she may have to break Warrior Code to be a big honking drama queen.

Family, Love, And Friends: Has no family. Has no love - yet. Thornclaw is friends will almost her whole clan. Well, her clan is her friends. Some may not like her, but there is no-one that Thornclaw is not too keen on.

So she's keen on her friends who are her clan even if they may not like her. I think what this waffling amounts to is that she hopes to be friends with everyone by being quicker, faster, stronger and saving them from any conflicts they might have that could make interesting storylines. I hope they thank her a lot for constantly putting the spotlight on herself.

Personal: Thornclaw is a happy and bouncy she-cat, who is always up for adventure and excitement. Although she's rather hypo, she can be dead serious when she needs to, including when hunting.

She's hypo? Is she hypoallergenic? A hypochondriac? A hypocrate? Hypoglycemic? A hypotenuse?

Battle: Thornclaw's best skill is hunting, because she loves it, and has the perfect body for it. She's quick, swift, and gives the prey no harm, due to her soft heart.

Thornclaw really ought to be leader because she is merciful and has slammin' abs. Ho hum. Maybe one of these days the other cats in her clan will notice, hoist her above their heads and proclaim her the president of all the clans!

Undefinded: Nothing really.

Huh. I have no riff here. I don't know what this means. She's either not unfounded, undefined or undefended. She is unfinished:


Kithood: When Thornclaw was born, obviously she was named Thorn, and she was named so because of her razor sharp teeth and claws, and her love for hunting. But unfortunately when she was a kit, after about half a moon, both her parents died. Thornclaw was never told why, but she didn't really mind, because of her good spirit.

I bet they were killed by vampires. I've heard from a reliable source that vampires are bitches like that. It's a good things she doesn't give a crap.

Apprenticeship: Thornclaw was a great Apprentice, because of her genuine enthusiasm. She was always respectful to her mentor, and always did what she was told. She was a very successful little she-cat.

Warriorhood: Thornclaw has only had about four seasons of Warriorhood, although they have been excellent ones. She has been a very successful fighter, hunter and clan-mate. She hasn't had many arguments, maybe one or two, but they weren't too big.

There's nothing of any real significance about her life... OTHER THAN SHE IS BETTER THAN YOU!

Other Information:

Extra: Nopee dopee

Damn skippy, nopee dopee, Susie poosie!

RP Example: Thornclaw's paws stopped instinctively as her nostrils widened, and sniffed. Finally! Thornclaw had been searching for ages, and not found any food at all. But now she could. She'd be able to feed her clan, and do them good. She had been a bit grumpy lately, and she wanted to repay her clan by helping out. Thornclaw's ears perked as she heard soft scurrying. The prey she was about to catch was a mouse. She bent down, her senses alert, her eyes wide open. Silently and softly, she crept for wards, and waited until her mouse was in perfect position. There! It was just in front of a rack about the size of Thornclaw's flank. Where-ever it went, she could still catch it. Thornclaw waited until the mouse started nibbling on a seed, before she leaped upon it, and threw it against a tree trunk too knock it out. Thornclaw bent down, snapped its neck quickly, and un-painfully. Thornclaw turned around, mouse in her mouth, and headed back for camp.

I love it tremendously when Sues have to write a terrible act like killing and make it sound cute and noble. While they are the best at it, they also the most humane. And now she's feeding her clan this tiny, little mouse to repay them for her grumpiness? I have no idea what that means nor do I get how she had not found food but now she could find it when it's up against a rack. A rack of what? Lamb? Breasts? Guns?

I call foul! After seeing this picture I feel this is an Insert Sue! Naughty kitty! You have a date with my supersoaker now! Get your filthy paws in the air and back away from the computer, chipmunk breath!

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