Wednesday, April 25, 2007

When Boys Try to be Men

Here is a character created for a medieval rpg:
Name: Stabos
Age: around 23 (So he's 31 and trying to pick up girls.)
Gender: Male
Species: More human than a Human (Huh?)
Hair: Shoulder length sandy brown
Eyes: Piercing Ice Blue

Apparel: Typical swashbuckler, romanticism pirate type of clothing (A general medievally, renaissance-ish, sort of Robin Hood-like, Camelotesque, Lord of the Rings type stuff, you know? I think he’s just dancing around the word ‘tights.’)
Weapons: an enchanted bastard sword which talks to him (telepathically) (Okay, I laughed at the use of the word ‘bastard’ here but it’s a real type of sword. Check out this wiki link) and can harness the powers of fire, ice, and Lightning and focus them into a cone shapped blast with a range of 50 feet. (You know, an extension-of-his-manhood sword.)
He also carrys one dagger in each boot, (and a gun in each holster) not to mention his extensive hand-to-hand skills (Oh, I’ll bet).
Powers: Just the ability to talk to his bewitched sword. (and laser beams shoot from his eyes! FSHOO FHSOO FSHOO FSHOO!)
Others: to best describe my character, just watch, "the princess bride" and Wesley is pretty much my character in looks and attitude, as well as skills (and bocci ball talent).

History: born to a poor family, he was raised on the streets. His quick agility and nimble fingers made him and above average street thief. (So now he’s a Dickensonian, Faginy sort of artful dodgerish guy) He soon picked up tremendous skills with blades, mastering daggers and swords by the age of 15. The enchanted sword, which calls itself Morgana, (So it’s a female sword that wields the powers of a penis) was given to him by the head of the Theives Guild when Stabos turned 18. Since then he has turned to a life of adventure, seeking it where ever he may go in whatever form he may find it. (This last part reminds me of a weird kid I went to highschool with named Scott. One day Scott started using a laptop in class that he said the guidance counselor just gave it to him. I can imagine how that conversation went down. "Scott, you really annoy me. I will give you a laptop if you leave me alone forever." I’m sure the head of the ‘Theives’ Guild was hoping the same thing of Stabos when he gave him a talking sword and pushed him out into the world.)

Now here's another tidbit for the Unfortunate Typo Files. This one comes from a blurb on the front page of a club. Blurbs are the hook that mods use to reel people in to there clubs. This club is now long dead. I can't imagine why:
'Ello people, this is your basic roleplaying group. Pretty much any thing goes, as it will probably take place in an era where technology lives along side the old ways (i.e. renisaunce [sp]).

Ya think [sp]??????? Try harder!

1 comment:

Birdie said...

More Human than Human is the title of a Rob Zombie song. Your RPer was trying to make a funny.