Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Rose Mc-Fucking-Gowan! How could I forget?




Rose McGowan is also used as a gothy Mary Sue. In fact, here's an example from a Buffy rpg I'm considering joining for the purposes of this blog. Here's her bio form:

Full Name: Morrighan Delaney Murphy (Morrigan? She's screaming out to us with her cigarettey breath.)
Your Side: Evil
Age: 25
Birth Parents: Sean Matthew Murphy and Sara Emily Delaney Murphy
(I don't get why this part is necessary.)
Location of Residence: Sunnydale, CA via Boston, MA
Brief description: Height: 5’7 Weight: 120 (curves in all the right places)
(She's got boobs and she's not afraid to use them!)
Hair: Dark Auburn, Hints of Red, Black Cherry AlmostEyes: Brown
Brief History:
(Not brief at all because she's a Mary Sue and she needs an abusive history!) I was born on December 21, 1981 (which just happened to be the winter solstice), in Boston, MA.
There is a long history of Celtic Witches in my family, however my parents weren’t practicing as far as I ever new.
My parents died in a car crash when I was young and I was brought up by my Aunt Bridget on my father’s side.My Aunt Bridget was a witch and taught me what she knew. I lived with my Aunt until she was killed under mysterious and magickal circumstances when I was fifteen. (I'd blame Shannon Dougherty myself. If you want a source of evil, I'd go there.) My Aunt being the last of my family, so I was placed into the foster care system, not a happy place to be.

On turning eighteen and graduating high school they unceremoniously cast you out upon the world.

Not that I’m bitter or anything. (Highlighted for sarcasm! She's a Mary Sue unleashed out into an uncaring world. No wonder she turned to evil and not to a job at the Doublemeat Palace. I'm feeling it!)

After my release I continued my research and training in witchcraft and delved into the dark arts. Determined to be prepared for whatever was to come. I also worked my way through college getting my degree in Medieval and Renaissance Studies as well as Ancient Philosophy. I had always done well in school and it was easy for me to get a full scholarship to Harvard, especially with a little help from the mystical world. (She is, therefore, more special and more prepared than the legions of other Mary Sue's hanging out in Sunnydale. I'm just curious how she worked her way through Harvard anyway. It wasn't a job with a uniform, that's for sure. It was probably hooking. That would be bad ass and that would make her even more troubled.)

I did work hard though and the education was well worth the effort. It also put me in touch with many others who were interested in the mystical and the magickal and especially practicing the dark arts. My skills in this area grew immensely during this time. Believe me when I say, I will be a very formidable opponent. (Believe it because when she says she's gonna fight, she means she gonna gonna tell the good guys to death how she could have been like them but she chose evil instead and she's just misunderstood by society so give her a break, damn it! She doesn't have to cast a spell or land a punch when she has noble gothitude on her side.)

Some interesting tidbits about me that I learned in my research. The meanings of my names: Irish Goddess of Death and War also The Great Queen and The Dark Challenger.
Maybe a hint of things to come?
(Oh dear. If only one foster mother had read her a bedtime story back in her youth, this all could have been different. But no, world, we unleashed this evil onto ourselves. The blood this Great, Dark, Challenging Mary Sue of Death and War spilled is on our hands. Excuse me while I weep for humanity.)


Bio forms or character sheets are a Mary Sue's bible. This Suethor stuck to the character sheet provided by the club but if someone enters a club and has their own bio (probably from another club) this is a bad sign. A Suethor with a prepared form has been passionately playing that character for maybe a week and they will quickly burn themselves out.

I met one in a different Buffy club who had a character that looked like Vin Diesel. This Gary Stu had the usual horrible childhood but excelled in some secret army program even though he's now on the run for saving a child he was supposed to kill. The bio form he had allowed him to elaborate on the weapons he carried on himself and in his car (each under a separate heading). He had a car that even the mod referred to as a "supped up penis car" and there was a heading created for all the modifications to this vehicle.

"Vin Stu" arrived at the Bronze and shot up some vampires that made the mistake of coming out of hiding in front of his characters only. Once the Bronze was conflict free, he just into his phallic car and joined the crowd at the cemetery to blow apart vampires with his shoulder missile launcher or whatever. Once that conflict was over, he disappeared from the club forever. There might have been a message to Buffy about why she never thought of using weapons of mass destruction but Vin Stu made his point. Not with words but with 100% RAW THROBBING MANHOOD!!!!!!!!
'
In conclusion, Mary Sue and Gary Stu needs you to have read their bios in order to get what they want. They expect you've read up on their tragedies and will give them the full attention they need because they believe they are more special than every other Mary Sue currently trying to elbow their way into the spotlight. I do advise that while role playing, you should read the bio of who you're dealing with but you could substitute one Mary Sue's bio for another Mary Sue's bio. Don't worry. Throughout this blog I'll be showing you that!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mary Sues/Gary Stus are the online rpg version of what we in the paper-n-dice rpg community call "munchkins". Since there aren't any stats to min/max, though, MS/GSes load up on background advantages, and if they even have the afterthought of having a disadvantage, it's usually some form of insanity. And since there aren't usually any hard and fast rules about roleplaying mental disorders, nobody can make them roleplay the consequences once they've grown tired of it. Other disadvantages and setbacks within the game are usually just handwaved away by dint of some obscure clause in their novel-length character bios.

Can you tell I'm not terribly fond of Mary Sues? :o)