Monday, April 16, 2007

Vampires Suck

They really do.

I, personally, love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other such Vampire based programming so I role play in Vampire based rpgs. Even so, there's one Mary Sue bio scenario that I hate a lot. I hate it a lot because I see it a lot. And now you will.

I found this scenario by typing three little words into a search engine. I copied and pasted them together. Most of these are from different clubs but, even more horrifying, sometimes 3 or 4 came from the same club. See if you can spot those three little words.

"Background: A full blood Lykan; Only child; Street werewolf; Parents killed by vampires."

"Seeing his parents killed by Vampires, he swore to hunt them down and kill the vile creatures."

"Then a man found him and raised him as his own, only to tell him at 15 that his parents were killed by Vampires."

"Bio: His parents killed by vampires when he was a toddler, his aunt took him under her care until he was 15, she was also killed by vampires"

"Lives with older brother in Japan. Parents killed by Vampires."

"1 brother and his sisters family has been killed by vampires and there henchman."
"Her family was killed when she was 16. They were killed by vampires instead of killing her they turned her."

"living condition:Most of the time solo but lives in a manchin with other vampiresbackground:He parents were killed by vampires and she was turned"

"After his parents were killed by the vampire that bit him, Elliot was rescued by the successor to the Van Helsing line"

"I do wish to live a good life,those monsters killed off my family.My parants,my brother,my sister...I made a vow I'd destroy all vampires..."

"His family and friends were killed by vampires, so he decided to hunt them."

"Bio: Family and friends were killed by vampires blah blah grudge blah blah."

"Damien pretty much lived a normal life with his parents until one day the vampire, Lucifer, killed his parents."

"Her family killed by vampires she hates them witha passion and hunts them for the satisfaction keeping track of how many she has killed by cutting her arm and making a scar"

"I for one am sick of running. I've been running ever since they killed my parents!"

"Vivienne's rage mounted, she was there, she was one of the one's who had killed her parents."

"When she was 6 her family was killed by vampires, a purebreed vamp turned her into a halfbreed, but a special one."

"Unusual Quirks: both of his parents killed by vampires and he is out to kill the vampires that killed his parents and for that reason he is quite agitated whenever a round a vampire"

"raised in england for ten years, was approached by a watcher, and was told of my slayer destiny, involved in training to this day, parents killed by vampires two years ago"

"He seen both his parents killed by Vampires when he was just a wee lad. At that moment he made himself a promise he would keep. He wanted to protect people of all races - even Vampires."

"After his family farm was raided and parents killed by Vampires, Aleck took his sister Medow and wandered for many years."

"She still does hold a place in her heart for him, even though she doesn't see him that much and is married. Both had their parents killed by vampires,"

"Family attacked ring of vampires; part of family killed by vampires; rest of family moved to New York; more of family killed in car accident;"

"background: whole family killed when she was 12 by out for revenge..."

"Poor guy had his whole family killed by vampires...sniffle.)"

"One night he came home to find his entire family killed by vampires."

"his family killed by vampires in Leah's line, he has an intense hatred of the race and will stop it nothing to kill the last of Leah's Blood Line in vengeance for the death of his family... He has never met Leah, but hunts ruthlessly for her)"

DAMN IT!!!!!

It's one thing to create a character with a need for vengance but I am getting so tired of this 'vampire killed my parants' bullcrap. I didn't realize vampires could suck out creativity too. Is nothing original anymore?

Now that I'm all cranky about vampires in general, here's a canon character that I've seen played horribly in several different clubs. This would be Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Here's a snippet of what I mean:

"Spike smiles at Faith 'So you think I'm special, do you, Pet? And I think we are getting along. I don't know where the bloody nasties are, been looking meself, I was hoping you could tell...what with your slayer powers and all.' Spike takes a drink of his beer. 'Spicy Buffalo Wings anyone? See, Aleria is it?..they used to make this onion blossom thing...tasty...but these wankers took it off of the sodding menu. Party sounds good, but someone should really teach this band how to play their bloody music proper.'"

Weak Spikes seem to believe all you need to do is say 'bloody,' 'sodding,' and 'blooming onion' and that makes you Spike. No. It just makes you a pratty twat wanker with no imagination. Bollocks on you, mate.

Try a little harder, please. No Spike is better than a half-assed one.


Birdie said...

Lots of peoples parents get killed by vampires. I think vampires do it on purpose. Vampires like to arrange things so that anybody who survives turns out as emo as possible.

PM said...

"Parents were killed, so wants vengeance" was a creaky plot point when it happened to Bruce Wayne back in the 40's (or whenever). Hell, the ancient Greek playwrights couldn't trot it out with a straight face after awhile. Now "tried to kill his own parents, but a vampire stopped him at the last minute, and he has hitherto sworn to kill all vampires in retaliation", that would be original!!! :oD

Birdie said...

Bruce Wayne's parents weren't killed by vampires. :o\

PM said...

True. But Brucie has a bat fetish as a result of his parents' death, so there's kinda sorta a little bit of a connection. :o)

Birdie said...

I thought a bat flew into Bruce's hair when he was a little spelunker and so he developed a fetish for Scientologists who can't act.

PM said...

XD "Scientologists are a superstitious, cowardly lot."