Hanging onto a Canon

This term occurs when an author creates a character that hinges on or is attached to a canon. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but sometimes it can be like an albatross around the neck if you're playing that canon.

Hanging onto a canon can massively wreck an rpg depending on what the author does with their made up. Remember the Self Insert I mentioned that plunked herself down into a Buffy rpg as Harmony's forgotten sister? That is a great example of how you do it wrong.

Let me give you an example off the top of my head. Say, for instance, the rpg is based on Tim Burton's movie "The Corpse Bride." Here are the canons:

The Corpse Bride - the engaged who has ceased to be

Victor Van Dort - the hero voiced by Johnny Depp

Victoria Everglott- the woman Victor is supposed to marry

Barkis Bittern - the man who killed the Corpse Bride and wants to marry Victoria

Say all these canons are being played and they are running about the rpg all happy and cheery. These characters naturally connect because they belong to this story. Now let's throw in some made ups that choose to hang their characters onto these canons:

Viveca Van Dort - Long lost sister to Victor

Rhianna Crow - A witch who has the ability to bring the Corpse Bride back to life.

Emily Everglott - Victoria's younger, cuter sister who just got back from London where she was studying magic.

Brandon Cole - A boy raised by the dead in the cemetery where the Corpse Bride lived. He secretly loves her.

Briana Bittern - Barkis' daughter from a different marriage and she wants to help Victor fight her dad because Barkis killed her mom.

Mina Corbineau - She was the bride Barkis killed after the Corpse Bride and she wants revenge also.

Dietrich Von Hammer - He is a vampire hunter strolling through town who has fallen in love with Victoria.

Yvonna Van Dort - Another sister of Victor's who has a special bond with her brother.

Olivia Everglott - Extremely poor cousin to the Everglotts who lived with them and acts as a maid but is good friends with Victoria.

Maddox Cross - A vampire who loves the Corpse Bride and wants to take her away to be married into his clan.

Cecily Ravencry - An herbalist in the village who has a crush on Victor and makes excuses to bring him balms and salves.

Hannah Baxter - Secretly dating Barkis and doesn't know he's a murderer but is pregnant with his child.

I could go on forever but you get the idea. Too many of these made ups can really fuck up an rpg especially if they need the attention of their target canon right away. Most of these characters are Mary Sues (and I'm looking especially at you, Hannah. I'll be talking about babies in rpgs soon enough) and they need to be a direct part of this story right away. Imagine if Victor and Victoria are trying to have a scene together (which they should be able to, being canons and all) and everyone here steps in to bug them.

My conclusion isn't that hanging onto a canon is wrong but it can be annoying for a canon. I would suggest that if you choose to rpg in a world with canons, make a character that can be independant and will mesh with everyone in the game. However, if you have to latch on to a main character, be content to role play with others besides the target canon. They have enough to do without dealing with Mary Sue's yipping at their feet like hungry puppies.

Gather 'Round the Big Top!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present, CRAZY SUE from a Harry Potter rpg:

Name: Celesta

Gender: Female. Or so she’s been told. (There's a simple way to check this..... )

Age: 11

Please list your character's three personal desires:
1. To make her mommy and daddy and brother happy.
2. To stop taking the nasty pills mommy says to take. (This is a lovely habit to add to a tween based rpg!)
3. To make the whole world happy because it doesn’t seem to be very happy and it should be because being not happy is bad.

What is your character's main weakness?
She is VERY mental, she is quiet half the time, she can be extremely loud when not quite as she never stops talking. She also has asthma and sleepwalks, which isn't very good if you wake up and find yourself in the great lake... She's narcoleptic, she can be slightly slow at times, as naive as a five year old child if not more so, is weak, unable to protect herself, way too protective of her brother and the rest of her family. (Le grand list of Celesta's medical conditions! ADHD, Asthma, Avoidant personality disorder at times, Can be slightly bi-polar, At times depression, Dyslexia, Kleptomania to a degree, Mania, Narcolepsy, Nightmare disorder, Paranoia, A huge list of phobias, Schizophrenia and Sleepwalking) (Please, just open up a Grey's Anatomy (the book not the show) and point at things. CRAZY SUE will be there too!)

What is your character's main strength?
She is intelligent, even though she is crazy she can STILL GET HER WORK IN ON TIME (Sorry, in joke there...), she is quiet when she needs to be, and is amazingly optimistic when she isn't depressed, VERY protective of her brother and family.The above questions will be used to sort you into the appropriate house. (She's playing for a crowd. Suethors do this but this one is different.)

Description:
Celesta has a... Interesting... Look. She usually wears dark colors with strange colored accessories. She usually wears either black jeans or skirts with rainbow colored stripes. Her shirts are usually just plain colored, or have random sayings on them. She also has thick rimmed glasses, and usually paints her fingernails black with white dots on them.Her hair is another story, it is never the natural color (People aren't even sure if it does have a natural color). Currently it is black with the bangs in multiple colors. The hair its self is long and kind of curved up in the back.Her eyes apparently change color with her mood.Her skin is very light from rarely ever going outside, if you catch her in the right mood you could almost think she was a Vampire (I would rather mistake her for Hannibal Lector because she's wearing a mask and a straight jacket and needs to be carried out on wheels.)

Personality:
Celesta is a kind girl; it’s just she gets… Confused occasionally; every once in a while she just kind of zones out, and follows orders unless they are very outlandish. She will get very annoyed if people call her crazy… After all, she got better… Celesta occasionally likes messing with people by pretending to go even loonier then she is which isn’t a good thing to do when you almost already live in a loony bin. She is actually a smart kid, and thinks far ahead of time, for example, she already knows what he wants to major in in college (If she goes), philosophy. Celesta has quite a few odd tendencies though, sometimes she talks only and riddles, while other times she growls when she is happy. (This Suethor left out STARK RAVING ATTENTION WHORE! It's a good thing I just added it or you'd never know.)

Family background:

Mother: Veronica *Squib*Her mother is a nurse at ‘Rutledge Asylum’, where she deals with lunatics every day, though she has just about an equal amount of lunatic at home. She is constantly self medicated. (Harry Potter is a tween world. Leave the pills out of it.)

Father: Todd *Muggle*Is the head psychiatrist at ‘Rutledge Asylum’, he is a brief man who is rarely ever home, he doesn’t seem to care for his family much, but who can blame him… (Ooh! A social commentery on absentee dads is hidden in here somewhere... )

Twin Brother: Johnny *Squib*He is in one word, insane, there is a more complex description but that involves several words, and several of those words not many people like. To Celesta, he is one of the few people in the world that is sane. Also, just a note, Johnny and Celesta are just fraternal twins, not identical. (Oh! Thanks for clarifying! Otherwise I would have assumed they both own penises.)

My gut feeling is that this is a troll. Possibly a teenage troll who thinks he/she is being witty and who might honestly be upset when their character isn't accepted in the rpg. He/She needs to go smoke a ciggie, bitch about their parents then come back to their computer with a clearer head. Maybe they should go write some blog poetry about weeping geishas or some crap before they wonder why they are never accepted.

Now I bring you the first installment of Unfortunate Typos. Here is one from a different Harry Potter rpg. As a side thing, I've been checking out how school based rpgs handle classes. They are a necessary evil that can make a break a school based rpg. A mod wants kids to interact and know each other in a school setting but that only happens with classes. It's weird to have a school where no one has a class. They just stand around in halls and no true role playing happens. This particular rp actually holds classes and lessons are taught and in some cases, homework is expected. I respect that if someone wants to explore their character that much, they are allowed to do so.

Anyway, I'd like to start a new segment called "Unfortunate Typos!" Welcome!

Here is a typo from a professor who is running a potions class and he's written these instructions on the board:

Stir ten times clockwise, and ten times counter clockwise

Your potion should now be red, green, blue and yellow.

P.S. If it isn't please calm me

Vampires Suck

They really do.

I, personally, love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other such Vampire based programming so I role play in Vampire based rpgs. Even so, there's one Mary Sue bio scenario that I hate a lot. I hate it a lot because I see it a lot. And now you will.

I found this scenario by typing three little words into a search engine. I copied and pasted them together. Most of these are from different clubs but, even more horrifying, sometimes 3 or 4 came from the same club. See if you can spot those three little words.

"Background: A full blood Lykan; Only child; Street werewolf; Parents killed by vampires."

"Seeing his parents killed by Vampires, he swore to hunt them down and kill the vile creatures."

"Then a man found him and raised him as his own, only to tell him at 15 that his parents were killed by Vampires."

"Bio: His parents killed by vampires when he was a toddler, his aunt took him under her care until he was 15, she was also killed by vampires"

"Lives with older brother in Japan. Parents killed by Vampires."

"1 brother and his sisters family has been killed by vampires and there henchman."

.
"Her family was killed when she was 16. They were killed by vampires instead of killing her they turned her."

"living condition:Most of the time solo but lives in a manchin with other vampiresbackground:He parents were killed by vampires and she was turned"

"After his parents were killed by the vampire that bit him, Elliot was rescued by the successor to the Van Helsing line"

"I do wish to live a good life,those monsters killed off my family.My parants,my brother,my sister...I made a vow I'd destroy all vampires..."

"His family and friends were killed by vampires, so he decided to hunt them."

"Bio: Family and friends were killed by vampires blah blah grudge blah blah."

"Damien pretty much lived a normal life with his parents until one day the vampire, Lucifer, killed his parents."

"Her family killed by vampires she hates them witha passion and hunts them for the satisfaction keeping track of how many she has killed by cutting her arm and making a scar"

"I for one am sick of running. I've been running ever since they killed my parents!"

"Vivienne's rage mounted, she was there, she was one of the one's who had killed her parents."

"When she was 6 her family was killed by vampires, a purebreed vamp turned her into a halfbreed, but a special one."

"Unusual Quirks: both of his parents killed by vampires and he is out to kill the vampires that killed his parents and for that reason he is quite agitated whenever a round a vampire"

"raised in england for ten years, was approached by a watcher, and was told of my slayer destiny, involved in training to this day, parents killed by vampires two years ago"

"He seen both his parents killed by Vampires when he was just a wee lad. At that moment he made himself a promise he would keep. He wanted to protect people of all races - even Vampires."

"After his family farm was raided and parents killed by Vampires, Aleck took his sister Medow and wandered for many years."

"She still does hold a place in her heart for him, even though she doesn't see him that much and is married. Both had their parents killed by vampires,"

"Family attacked ring of vampires; part of family killed by vampires; rest of family moved to New York; more of family killed in car accident;"

"background: whole family killed when she was 12 by vampires...so out for revenge..."

"Poor guy had his whole family killed by vampires...sniffle.)"

"One night he came home to find his entire family killed by vampires."

"his family killed by vampires in Leah's line, he has an intense hatred of the race and will stop it nothing to kill the last of Leah's Blood Line in vengeance for the death of his family... He has never met Leah, but hunts ruthlessly for her)"

DAMN IT!!!!!

It's one thing to create a character with a need for vengance but I am getting so tired of this 'vampire killed my parants' bullcrap. I didn't realize vampires could suck out creativity too. Is nothing original anymore?

Now that I'm all cranky about vampires in general, here's a canon character that I've seen played horribly in several different clubs. This would be Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Here's a snippet of what I mean:

"Spike smiles at Faith 'So you think I'm special, do you, Pet? And I think we are getting along. I don't know where the bloody nasties are, been looking meself, I was hoping you could tell...what with your slayer powers and all.' Spike takes a drink of his beer. 'Spicy Buffalo Wings anyone? See, Aleria is it?..they used to make this onion blossom thing...tasty...but these wankers took it off of the sodding menu. Party sounds good, but someone should really teach this band how to play their bloody music proper.'"

Weak Spikes seem to believe all you need to do is say 'bloody,' 'sodding,' and 'blooming onion' and that makes you Spike. No. It just makes you a pratty twat wanker with no imagination. Bollocks on you, mate.

Try a little harder, please. No Spike is better than a half-assed one.

Pre Mades. The fastest way to kill a club.

I really hate pre made characters. Pre mades occur when the mod has an agenda. They make pre-made characters up so certain plots can can be forced into happening. It's like taking on a role in a murder mystery. If you're Miss Scarlet and you need to know who used the candlestick and where, you have to talk to other player to find get clues but only in the character of Miss Scarlet. Let's all hope you look cute wearing a red, strapless gown.

Some pre mades could be fun for the player but most people surfing through rpgs are looking to create a character for themselves. I think that upfront a mod needs to tell players that they need to take on a pre made or leave the option open but I can guarantee that not many people with that option will take it and like it. It's forced and weird and most authors would rather express themselves and just let stuff happen on it's own.

Here are two pre mades that made me cringe and puke and cry.

Name: Ruth Annie Barrington (Her nickname is Ruthie because she's cute and bubbly. She's from an rpg that's attempting to be like a soap opera.)
Age:18
Personality: she's very outgoing and friendly, she is also somewhat flirtatious (She strangles kittens to death in her spare time to remain so damn cute. Balance has to be kept in the universe somewhere, right?)
Status: seriously dating Nik for 4 years (And never once mentioned to him that he spells him name like a girl.)
Job: Ruthie is a waitress at The Phoenix
Activities: Cheerleading, Chorus, Drama, Swim Team, Dance Team, President of the SADD club (She's just this close to being made president of the "oh so damn cute" club if she's not careful. But wait! If she was, she might have to take uppers to keep up with it all and then she'd develop an addiction and then she'd be like Jessica Spano in that one very special episode of Saved by the Bell. That could be cool.)
Relationship(why in Hawaii): Ruthie grew up in Hawaii, she has lived here her entire life, she loves (Whoa! Let's stop right here and count all uses of the word "love" in the following paragraph and just try to keep your lunch down. That is one.) her family very much, expecially Josh and Lauren, Ruthie is very close to her triplet siblings Josh and Lauren, they do everything together, she is very much in love with Nik and has been for a while, she will do pretty much anything for her family and friends, she is popular at school, and is in the "in crowd", she does alot of activities at school, she loves both her parents the same, she loves animals, she's not that spoiled, she loves living in Hawaii, and like a typical Hawaiian she loves to surf and do the hula, she also loves to shop, and hang out at the mall and the beach, she helps out at home since both her parents are working, she helps care for Miguel, making sure he does his homework, etc..., she has 3 dogs(Sunshine, Princess, Spot), 2 cats named Rascal and Angel, a kitten that she rescued named Lucky, a rabbit named Bunny and a farret named Bandit (That's six. That's is just way too many loves for one person but look at all the pets!!! I'm onto to something with this strangling idea. She's a Pre-Made Sue who will crush any damn conflict that comes her way. No wonder this club tanked as a soap opera.)

Here's a second rpg character from a high school based rpg. This one is far better thought out which means there's a slimmer chance someone will take her.

Name: Jenna Annalise Edwards
Grade: Senior Age: 17
Appearance: In height, Jenna is fairly average, standing at 5ft7. She has deep brown eyes, and a slightly olive complexion that gives her a year round tan. Though it is hard to convince Jenna otherwise, she is by no means fat. You wouldn’t even suggest that she was slightly overweight. She perhaps isn’t tone like some girls, or skin and bones like others, but she is a slim girl, at size 6. However, when Jenna looks in the mirror she sees an unattractive gaudy girl looking back, not the beautiful girl that many others see. She hates her hair, hates her body, and hates her face, whereas most would be having trouble to see anything wrong with her.

She looks like Alyssa Milano. That means she's skeletal, her boobs are all over the internet and she has a cooter tattoo! These are all things we need to be aware of when considering she looks like Alysso Milano. Lots of Mary Sue's like to use her image as well but for me it's hard to trust any character that looks like her because all I think when I read her bio is, "Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter! Cooter!"

Personality: Jenna lacks the confidence to stand on her own two feet, and has always turned to those around her to lead her through life. Over the last few years, this has been one Stephanie Bryant, and perhaps a worse choice in friend has yet to be found. Jenna shares all of Stephanie’s opinions, and finds it hard to answer questions when she is not around. She lets her do all the talking, and then merely backs up whatever she is saying. She is usually quiet when found on her own, and really only comes out of her shell when under the influence of Steph. It’s hard to tell though which version you see is the real Jenna. (The cooter version!)

History: Jenna has always lived in Ridgefield, and always gone to Richmond High. She has never been a big girl, but she feels that she is, and purges or starves herself to try and keep herself looking thin. She hides this fact very well, and even her parents are completely oblivious to what is going on in their daughter’s life. (They should be asking what's going on with her cooter.)You wouldn’t go so far as to call Jenna a slut, but she has found herself on more than one occasion hung over, and alone, wondering what she had done wrong. Sex isn’t about power for her; it’s about trying to find somebody that will love her. She wants to believe that she is beautiful, and she moves from guy to guy in the hopes that somebody won’t just say that to get her into bed, but will say it the next day, and the next. (She's bony and slutty. Here we are, right back to Alyssa Milano. Why not just make the pre made into Alyssa Milano herself and post a picture of the cooter? It would have made more sense.)
Job: Waitress at Uncle Joe’s on the Pier. (She's a waitress like Ruthie. I see a pattern. I think it means she's wholesome and can think on her feet. Her grits can be kissed.)

Other Information: Jenna’s brother is on steroids, but the family is unaware. She keeps his secret only because he has told her he’ll kill her if she tells. He has something of a temper, and she’s inclined to believe that he could go that far. (This right here is a big problem I have with pre mades. I guess one could play around with this. Cooter Sue could feel all unnerved after talking to him about his big muscles and tiny weiner but then he'll threaten her and she'll puke her brains out. That will be the end of it. Unless the mod allows one sibling to get caught with their addiction, nothing will change and the storyline will burn itself out. There's no longevity here and it will get boring pretty fast. You don't make characters like these and keep them in a holding pattern. Maybe the mod should watch something Alyssa Milano is in and note how conflicts move plots along. Not silence and puking.)

Dislikes: Pretty much whatever Stephanie dislikes. Herself. (Oh! Ow! Burn! Big Mary Sue Burn.)

Pre mades kind of threaten an individuals creativity so they can crush a club. Expecting people to follow your vision won't work unless you have money so expecting people to follow your wishes in a club isn't going to happen. If you're gonna make pre mades, you might as well write yourself a novel with all the ideas and expectatons you have because it won't come true in an rpg.

Now here is a Mary Sue from a Harry Potter club that I'm bringing you because it made me laugh. Here she is establishing how she's better than all the other Mary Sues as she explains how she got elf blood in her veins:

"She has got Elf blood from her father, who was once at Hogwarts. One day, Georgia's father, Daniel was messing about in the school kitchens. He often went there, to tease the elves, and to steal the food. This happened every night, and the elves had no choice but to leave Daniel to it. One night, the elves all grew restless of Daniel stealing the food and teasing them, when an elf just flipped. From being a kind, caring elf, it turned into a monster and grew very angry at Daniel. The last night Daniel went to steal the food, he was bitten by the angry elf, and so, elf passed into Daniel, and stayed there. That is why Georgia is a quarter elf."

So you can turn half elf just as easy you could catch AIDS. Who knew? That's very odd and creepy and makes Christmas seem scarier than ever.