Time to Swoon for Gary StuD!

Freaklin Gout and I decided to get together and talk about a particular Gary Stud that has shown up in my rpg. He's a fascinating case study of the silly studliness that infects role playing games. Our male friend,
Bob Guyeyis, showed up for this chat and I was hoping he could shed some light on this but it seems he was at a loss too.

For the most part, this Gary Stu who calls himself Blade, went largely unnoticed by Freaklin and me (except for one small part of his bio that made us laugh but we'll get to that later). He did break a rule right off the bat about where to place his character but no big deal. I corrected him and he adjusted his post and went on about his business.

threJack and coke combos: Should we take this moment to update the readers about Blade's actions in the rpg?

Freaklin Gout: Sure

Blade left us this ooc message:

"It is very hard to get involved with any role play in this group,
and since I am an active roleplayer,
I am moving on.
Thanks
Blade"

threJack and coke combos: He ignored one poster who tagged him, joined another poster and left her wating 5 days for a reply from him before he made this bitchy ooc about how this rpg moved too slow for him.

Freaklin Gout: And that he was leaving.

I replied to Blade to poin out that he was being irresponsible to others in the rpg and he gave me this reply:

"If Anna did reply to a post or tagged me'I'm afraid that I diden't see it.. and hey folks I did ask occ if anyone wanted to join my SL or start one with me. And Star I'm really sorry'you're a great role player and if you want to join the new group with me send me an off line."

Freaklin Gout: I guess he thought that since his character was so awesome that people would be clamoring to join a storyline with him.

threJack and coke combos: He does practically promise lots of hot sexy sex.

Freaklin Gout: It takes the right combination of elements to get tagged. Simply making one ooc reply asking if anyone wants to start a storyline hardly guarantees you're going to be tagged.

Freaklin Gout: Which makes sense as to why Anna tagged him

Freaklin Gout: Then when someone else made a character for him [Lucky] and tagged him, he left that person waiting for days.

Freaklin Gout: At which time I moved one of my characters in [Clea], because I thought [Lucky] was created for Blade was too awesome to let disappear into nothingness.

Freaklin Gout: So my character and this other character were rping together and doing quite nicely, even though we never lost sight of the fact that this other character was created for Blade. We even put (in capital letters) HEY BLADE, OVER HERE! in every title of our post.

Freaklin Gout: And he still couldn't get it right.

Freaklin Gout: Once again, when you fuck up, it's the group's fault

threJack and coke combos: It always stuns me when people make claims certain things aren't happening to their characters when most forums have a search program that allows us to see if these claims are true.

Freaklin Gout: For real. We've seen it happen so many times in our rp's short life-span.

I bet you can't wait to see this guys bio. Take note that this is not the bio form I posted. For whatever reason Blade retyped my categories as if he were trying to spell everything wrong and punctuate it strangely. Let's talk about it:

Full Name. Blade Marcus Darkfire

Freaklin Gout: Should I also state that I have a grudge against Blade for stealing my Clea's boyfriend, Lucky and doing him up the ass?

threJack and coke combos: How do you get the surname Darkfire?

threJack and coke combos: It should mean something like Carpenter or Smith.

Freaklin Gout: Ah, they are an ancient and mysterious clan.

Freaklin Gout: He might as well be called Gary Stu Gary Stu Gary Stu.

threJack and coke combos: Maybe he meant Dorkfire?

Apparent age. 23

Freaklin Gout: Sure, because what self-respecting Gary Stu would make his age 52?

threJack and coke combos: This part bugs me. It's so Gary Stu. I ask for 'Age' and I get 'Apparent age' 23.

threJack and coke combos: No where does he list his real age beause he's MYSTERIOUS!

Freaklin Gout: For once I just want to see a character who lists their age as 1,000 and looks every day of it.

threJack and coke combos: He can be however damn old he wants to be that suits his ass fucking partner.

Freaklin Gout: LOL

Freaklin Gout: Now that we know he's busy ass-fucking dudes, I guess we should be thankful that he didn't list his age as like 15 or something.

Appearance : Blade has shoulder length black hair and livid blue eyes.He stands about 6 foot 8 inches tall and weighs about 190 pounds.

Freaklin Gout: Okay, when I first read his bio I had to look this one up because it really bothered me. "Livid blue eyes"????

threJack and coke combos: He's mad?

Freaklin Gout: So I looked up livid, and one of the definitions is "dull blue; dark greyish-blue". http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/livid

Freaklin Gout: So I guess that could be it. But I'm 99% certain that he actually meant "vivid".

threJack and coke combos: Maybe he get mad when no one suck his dick.

Freaklin Gout: Let's speculate just how close in appearance Blade's writer is to his character. Think he's got shoulder-length black hair and livid blue eyes?

Freaklin Gout: I'm also kind of guessing that his writer is closer to 4 foot 8 inches tall and weighs 290 pounds.

threJack and coke combos: That is the Gary Stu author average height and weight.

Costume. Blade wears none,he usually wears black. as it is his favorite color.

threJack and coke combos: It's touching that even vampires get sentimental and have favorite colors.

Freaklin Gout: What vampire doesn't claim black as their favorite color?

Powers: Blades sexuality is perhaps his most powerful weapon, he also has the ability to shadow walk meaning that he can stay unseen in the shadows for hours. he is also a avid martial artist, his vampiric streangth adds to this knowledge. he has ESP.. but does not often use it.

threJack and coke combos: Oh wow. So much to say here.

Freaklin Gout: Really. Where do we begin?

Freaklin Gout: Of all the stupid things in this guy's bio, "Blade's sexuality is perhaps his most powerful weapon" made me laugh the most.

threJack and coke combos: I took a writing class once and the teacher talked about her experience teaching writing to college freshman. She said that after telling the students they could write sex scenes, she found the girls wrote like they were all scared virgins and the guys wrote like they were just a penis.

Freaklin Gout: Blade's apparent age: 23 (real age: college freshman)

threJack and coke combos: Gary Stu's tend to have all sorts of wild sexual prowess.

threJack and coke combos: Again, do we speculate the author's real sexual prowess?

Freaklin Gout: Only if we want to throw up.

threJack and coke combos: I enjoy the part about being able to stand in shadows for a long time. That's a quality one wants in an rpg.

Bob Guyeyis: If you speculate about that, than what do you speculate about someone like me?

threJack and coke combos: We love you, Bob.

Freaklin Gout: There is just so much potential in that list of powers for him to commit all sorts of rp-related misdeeds. Is his sexuality his most powerful weapon? That means he can turn you on and sex you up against your will. Can he stay unseen in the shadows for hours? That means he can find out all sorts of information about your character without your character knowing he's there. Is he a supernaturally strong martial artist? That means he can kick your ass three ways to Sunday. Does he have ESP? He can fucking READ YOUR MIND, motherfucker! Bam! Take it! TAKE IT!!!!

threJack and coke combos: Exactly. This Gary Stu has given himself all sorts of things he can God mode with. They always do.

Bob Guyeyis SUDDENLY CHANGES EDWARD's LUCKS!

Bob Guyeyis: Uh, all his luck.

Freaklin Gout: His lucks?

Freaklin Gout: Bob, you are the anti-Gary Stu. We would never say stuff like this about you.

threJack and coke combos: Exactly. This Gary Stu has given himself all sorts of things he can God mode with. They always do.

*Weaknesses* Blade can be killed by fire, or sunlight or that ole stake in his heart while he's sleeping deal..although his body is quick to heal the extreme loss of blood would also amount to his undoing.

Bob Guyeyis: EXTREEEEEEEEEME LOSS OF BLOOD!

Freaklin Gout: Oh no, not the Mexican Olé stake!

Bob Guyeyis: Heh

Freaklin Gout: I guess we should be thankful he's not allergic to cinnamon.

threJack and coke combos: Essentially, his weakness is death. In most rpgs it's wrong to kill other characters so by doing this, Blade is invincible.

threJack and coke combos: I don't see this Gary Stu ever putting himself in a situation where any of this will threaten him.

threJack and coke combos: So far his only threat has been trying to leave ooc because at the time no one wanted to take his sexuality seriously.

Freaklin Gout: LOL

Freaklin Gout: That's probably one area where Blade's writer and Blade are exactly the same.

History. Up until moving to Tobey Mills, Blade was a performer at a local night club in Los Angelous. he and his band The Outlaws played every night Blade being their lead volcalist.

Freaklin Gout: Oh god, are you fucking kidding me?

threJack and coke combos: Sadly, no.

Freaklin Gout: Let's laugh along, shall we? PERFORMER. NIGHT CLUB. LOS ANGELOUS. THE OUTLAWS. PLAYED EVERY NIGHT. LEAD VOCALIST.

threJack and coke combos: You mean 'volcalist.'

Freaklin Gout: Heh. Missed that.

Freaklin Gout: You know how Mary Sues all want to be fairy princesses and super pretty? This is the Gary Stu version of that. EVERY Gary Stu wants to be a rock star.

threJack and coke combos: I wonder how The Outlaws get through a set without Blade's crippling sexual prowess getting in the way.

Freaklin Gout: Haw! How do they all even get through practice without throwing themselves at Blade the whole time?

threJack and coke combos: I suppose it's a good thing he sings. It must be difficult for him to hold a guitar what with his weapon being at the ready so often.

One night a fight broke out and Blade got involved.. it was this night that he met a famos vampire slayer. .Jonathan Smythe whose been hunting him ever since and the main reason that Blade moved to Tobey Mills was to escape the hunter who is after him.

threJack and coke combos: Jonathan, sadly, isn't impressed with Blade's sexuality.

Freaklin Gout: Lay off, Jonathan Smythe! It's not Blade's fault that he's a vampire! He's just trying to rock out and be super sexual and stuff!

Freaklin Gout: Jonathan must be a eunuch.

Bob Guyeyis: He's so sexual, I want to get a sex operation to make out with him! In fact, who needs an operation!?!

Freaklin Gout: I think we all want to make out with him!

How does Blade exspect others to see him..? "unless of course they are also Vampire slayers.. they would see Blade as a very handsome young man whom is quick to smile and easy to anger. he is for the most part kind and respectful to all.

Freaklin Gout: Quick to smile and easy to anger -- all at the same time!

threJack and coke combos: I need to mention here that I let people edit their bios as often as they like and it says a lot that he'd give himself a bio with so many errors in it.

Freaklin Gout: His posts are no better.

threJack and coke combos: Blade: I'm wunderful in evryway, just don'te ask me too write a resumay.

Freaklin Gout: "Kind and respectful to all." Unless you get in his way and then he'll Gary Stu you right into the ground.

threJack and coke combos: I think his avatar is a guy on Passions.

threJack and coke combos: Or not.

Freaklin Gout: Okay, I see the "livid" blue eyes (and after seeing that picture I still contend that he meant "vivid"), but where's the black hair?

threJack and coke combos: Oh nevermind. I have no idea what show he's from but he's an actor who plays a vampire on TV.

threJack and coke combos: Like I care which show.

threJack and coke combos: If you've seen one vampire you've seen them all.

Freaklin Gout: For real. And it makes sense that this actor is a vampire on tv, because Blade's writer has absolutely no imagination. He has to use a cookie cutter bio and image for a character, because he's not creative to come up with one on his own.

threJack and coke combos: He's just another misunderstood vampire looking for love in all the wrong places.

Freaklin Gout: Yeah. The wrong place being my character's boyfriend's asshole.