Tee hee! Is my sword peeking out?

This Gary Stu is from a Teen Titans rpg. Teen Titans is a cartoon based on Robin from Batman and Robin and he has these teen friends and they all fight crime and do teenager things. You'd forget that while reading this bio because not only is this Gary Stu too much for this rpg, he writes a booklength bio. Be aware that I cut out many long sections of crap and this is still pretty long. You may want to get a cup of coffee and settle in:
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Your Character Name: Jarek "Hawkeye" Acymist
Alias: Jarek
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Huh? So Hawkeye isn't his alias? Why in the world is it in quotations then? Also, when I read his last name I can't help but hear it pronounced as Assy Mist. That ought to be his alias.
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Age: 100
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So he's not really a teenager then, is he? Why is he even here?
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Height: 6'3''
Weight: 200 lbs
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I hate this type of bio form question as well and not because I can't calculate proper heights and weights in my head. It's because I'm not the only one who can't and why is it hard for these measurements be included in an "appearence" category. If they are important, the author will list them there. And besides, this is a Gary Stu. Do you think he'll be pudgy?
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Body Type: Toned
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I'm shocked! Can I go back to sleep now?
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Hair: Jet Black, braided ponytail
Eyes: Dark Yellow, Hawk style pupil
General Apperance: N/A
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How can his appearence not be available? Everyone has an available appearence, I would think.
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Uniform: Jarek appears to be quite intimidating from his appearance alone. He has a light healthy peach skin tone. He has a neatly trimmed thin mustache with a short beard. He usually dresses lightly, choosing to wear no shirt. Rather he wears a long overcoat. The outside of the coat is black, save the sleeves which like the inside of the jacket are a crimson red color. Jarek wears dark colored pants and light but durable shoes that allow him to move quickly. There are 3 blades located on Jarek's body. One which takes the form of a katana going from left to right down his back, another katana going from right to left to form a cross; and a bastard sword going straight down the middle. There is a number tattooed on Jarek's side which is roughly visible.
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All those swords must get pokey when he tries to do things like go to the bathroom.
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Powers: Enhanced Visual Perception & Reaction time
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Extents:
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This ought to read: Extensions of my manhood. Hold tight now. He is actually about to name his swords.
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Acimyst: A katana crafted for Jarek's use, a personalized Katana blade that only recognizes him as it's owner. The Acimyst blade is long and slender, yet very strong and durable, able to cut through metal when enough force is put behind it. The Katana carries Jarek's spiritual signature which can manifest itself in the usage of different blade techniques.
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It's almost a shame that no other man can touch the sword of Assy Mist. They can never understand how it feels to hold that rigid weapon and marvel at it's thrusting powers!
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Heavens Call: The sword will glow with a light blue shade, forming an aura around the weapon. When this occurs, the blade will summon a set of blades formed out of the same spiritual essence to form a ring around Jarek's body. The swords are able to pierce, block and parry though they're individual durability is short.
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When this one turns blue, it activates several others that fly up at attention and circle around Assy Mist. They will penatrate if they have to!
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Acideph: The second of two katana's, this one named after Jarek's great grandfather who like him was a brilliant swordsman. This Katana is a bit shorter then Acimyst and it's cutting power is lower. However the blade's function wasn't so much to cut through opposing materials, but rather the blade was designed for mental trauma. Having been christened in spiritual energy, the blade carries one sole ability and function.
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The one is older, shorter and can't maintain it's power as long. Mental trauma is closely involved.
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Heaven's Judgment: The sword carries a special ability. When it cuts a living being, it will momentarily deliver a mental shock to the victim. In essence, the blade will cause the victim to undergo a brief but shocking mental experience. The sword was designed to cripple an opponents mind in the battle field thus eliminating them as proper competition by creating openings.
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This one fucks with your mind after it slips itself in an unnatural opening and shocks you into submission.
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Black Cross: The Legendary weapon handed down to Jarek by an ancient monestary. The Black Cross takes the form of a bastard sword, pure black in color edged in slender diamonds. The Black Cross is able to cut through the strongest of metals when enough force is applied. The Black Cross is a special blade that allows Jarek to be at any place at any time.
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This bastard was made by Monks. It's a black beauty that is long and strong. It's even covered in diamonds so it can be stuck into anything.
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Heavens Wrath: The Special Ability of the Black Cross. The blade is able to cut through space and dimension to create a brief wormhole that allows him to travel to any location in sight. Due to the nature of the attack, others are not able to follow Jarek through the portal. Any place that has been visited by this maneuver is marked with an invisible tomoe that allows Jarek to return to that location at any time.
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When this one is thrust into a hole, that hole stays thrusted! Assy Mist marks these holes for future thrustage whenever he chooses to return.
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*Powers*
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What? He doesn't have enough already? He needs more???
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Enhanced Visual Perception: Years of physical and mental training improved Jarek's sight remarkably. When in battle, he is able to perceive things around him much quicker then normal people. His perception rate is 3x above human level; so he can kinda see things in slow motion. It's for this reason he gained the nickname "Hawkeye"
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Don't you mean 'alias?' Why not just embrace Assy Mist? I think Assy Mist is more suitable.
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Power Rank: 2> Probably grow to 3 at some point later on
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His prowess will grow with each poke. WE GET IT!
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Weaknesses: Aside from normal human weaknesses
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Acymist: [Heavens Call] > Though he can spawn many swords Acymist is power-wise the weakest of the three blades Jarek carries. The blades of Heaven's call can block and parry just like normal blades, but they have low durability and shatter like glass if stricken too hard. It carries good offensive measures and average defensive powers.
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Too much use and these blades get worn down and raw and need to be given a break before re-entry.
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Acideph: [Heavens Judgment] > Striking someone with the blade will cause them to go into brief mental shock. However the shock is very brief so it will not be able to do any long term damage to one's mind. The true use of this blade is kept for multiple onslaught attacks that could keep someone "locked" in the illusion, thus distorting their mind. Such an outcome would require multiple rapid and uninterrupted attacks. The blades power is neutralized when it hits one with psychic powers.
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The mindfucker is fucked when fucking with a fellow fucker.
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Personality:Jarek refers to himself as the greatest swordsman of the human race. He does not boast this ability. (What? He'll tell you he's the best and that's not boasting? In what universe?) Normally, he will appear to be very concise, not wanting to waste time on trivial matters or conversations. (This entire bio has been rather trivial so far.)
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**Alignment: Good > To be Neutral later
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He's a Gary Stoic. He doesn't have to tell you anything! He's just going to change and you're just going to have to deal.
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Now go get yourself a cup of coffee. This bio isn't even close to being over.
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History:Jarek "Hawkeye" Acimyst was born 300 years in England. From birth there was always something different about the boy. The most obvious feature that set him apart were his strange eyes. Doctors were bewildered and could not explain it. All through his life, Jarek exhibited strange qualities. His natural senses seemed to be attuned much higher then those of a normal human. His eyes were measured to have the same vision levels as a Hawk's, which gave birth to his nickname "Hawkeye" Having been born in a family of martial arts instructors, Jarek was taught self defense from the time he was able to speak. Albeit he displayed a natural talent for Martial Arts, Jareks specialty always seemed to be with swords. He had so much talent, he was trained with an advanced swordsman regimen, which focused primarily on training his body and mind. When he was 18, Jarek left home and began to travel the world studying the art of the sword, determined to become the very best.
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Dear me! I hate to cut through this concise bio to do the math. He was born 300 years ago (I assume that word was accidently left out) and yet he's 100 years old. Assy Mist must have forgotten his own claims this late in the bio. I know I almost missed it.
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Throughout his travels, Jarek found himself all over the globe, covering one style to another; studying each effectively until he had a general understanding of over a dozen different sword styles. While passing through Brazil studying the different methods to creating a Boukto; Jarek made a startling discovery. In the depths of the rain forest was a stone well, filled with a clear water. Having learn to read in Spanish from his teacher, he quickly deciphered that the water contained youth restoration properties. Upon drinking just a handful of the water, he gained a perpetual youth, and to date has not aged physically past the appearance of 24. The gifts he had been blessed with at birth continued to manifest and grow over time. Eventually, Jarek was able to swing a sword faster then the human eye could track. Recently, he has traveled back to the United States and is on his way through Jump City.
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The only thing missing is a tragic childhood. So far it seems he has advantage, talent, encouragement and copious amounts of cash. Is there nothing he can't do? Like, can he help me from not barfing onto Acimyst, Acymist or Assy Mist's durable/orthopedic shoes?

Terms, Abbreviations and Assholery: H - L

Here are more terms from The Fanfiction Glossay:
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Hammerspace
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A pocket dimension where characters in silly stories keep weapons, used to explain how they whip 'em out of thin air. Named after Akane Tendo and her "war mallet," this can be applied to any character who seems to pull a weapon out of mid air. Known to Dirty Pair fic writers as "bikinispace."
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Oh, trust me. This is not limited to silly stories. It flows into role playing games not meant to be silly at all. Mary Sues and Gary Stus pull this crap with swords and guns all the time. Where their bios list entire arsenols they carry on their persons, you, as the person trying to role play with them, never see the guns poking out of belts or hear the swords clinking around trench coats. Nope. These things are pulled out this hammerspace and if I sound bitter it's because my characters encounter these types all the time. It makes me want to God mode, take said sword/gun/hammer and cram it up the Sue's assspace.
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h/c, H/C
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hurt/comfort -- a style of story in which one character is harmed (physically or emotionally) and another must save them, make them feel better, or both. Though not often seen in comic fandom, this one's been around since the original Star Trek 'zines and is often used to encourage a hopeless romance or set the stage for slash. In Sentinel fandom, stories of this type are jokingly called "owwies."
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In my early role playing I used this scenario. It's not always a bad one. My characters are usualy the ones hurt. The problem is that Mary Sues cling to this and not only comfort but also like to fix and fuck for enternity as well.
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Hermioknockers
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A term related to Ho!Mione, mainly seen only at the SugarQuill at present but worth mentioning for the humor factor. This refers to fics where the boys suddenly notice that "Hermione had changed over the summer. She now had several interesting curves..."
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Ho!Mione
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Derogatory term for Hermione Granger as distorted by fanficcers who believe that she is tragically repressed and overdue for a sexual awakening...which usually includes hair dye, slutwear, and tattoos/piercings. Ho!Mione cares not for magic nor grades; her only concern is shagging whoever the author fancies (usually Draco). The spawn of canon rape and a disguised breed of Mary Sue. See also Hermioknockers.
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Hee! I have seen those- er- that in several Harry Potter rpgs. And it is true. Hermione and her hormones usually lean towards bad guys such as Draco or whomever I'm playing at the time.
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ICKYWMB
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"I Can Kill You With My Brain." A spooky but generally empty threat, like a poker-faced bluff. From a line spoken by River in Firefly canon.
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I like this term. It may only be linked to Firefly but I can see it everywhere now that I know about it. I may even start saying ti randomly to people on the street. It's just funny.
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kerfluffle, kerfuffle
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An argument, often (but not always) about fanstuff and usually in writing. Could count as a small flamewar, except the for the trivializing undertone of "petty bickering over something stupid/pointless."
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I now call these Cassandra-fuffles. Or Cassandra-fluffles. Freaklin Gout and Fountine know why.
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lay story
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A Mary Sue PWP -- basically little more than "author's avatar gets canon character into the sack." A very old term which predates the Internet by about ten years.
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So this is where full on Tootsietramping came from. Not only the world's oldest profession but the internet's oldest form of emotional masturbation.
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Legomance
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A story centered around a romance between Legolas and the author's self-insertion or Mary Sue. Very common, and invariably bad.
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Look out for these Legomaniacs! They will throw you into their Legomanacles, Legomanipulate you, Legomanage your character, give you Legomandates, Legomaneuver you into their expectations, Legomangle your hopes and dreams, steal your Legomanhood and Legomanufacture you into their vision. You'll feel Legomanhandled and want to commit Legomanslaughter but in the end, you'll just feel Legomanic-depressive. And you thought Orlando Bloom had it easy, didn't you? He has to deal with all these fangirls.
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listdomme, ListDomme
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A more authoritative listmommy. ;)
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I need to be more like this in my rpgs.
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listmom, listmommy
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The individual, usually female, who maintains, runs and/or moderates a mailing list -- often the person who created the list in the first place. Tougher versions are sometimes jokingly called listdommes. Called mod (moderator) in some fandoms.
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I seem to be a List Bitch and maybe I shouldn't be anymore than that. Maybe it's the right balance between cuddling my rpg members, because I won't do that, and snapping whips at members which I want to do but that may scare away the members that aren't causing trouble. List Bitching suits me just fine. :o)

The Purple Eyes of Awesomeness

As you've all seen by now, eyes are very important to Sues. They represent a Sues deepest feelings like sadness over the fangy deaths of their parents, pride that they rule over all other characters, knowledge beyond their years along with an unrealistic attaining of said knowledge and finally the ability to be mysterious and sexy while not having to clearly define how any of that is possible.
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This is the same with purple eyes. Yes, purple eyes show up everywhere. Purple is the color of royalty and Sues parade themselves around like they are just that. Here is a list I put together after a quick Google search. You'll notice this is just purple and not all the nauseating varieties like violet, lavender, grape, hyacinth, iris, bittersweet nightshade, larkspur, lilac, mauve, periwinkle, indigo, plum, twilight, Virginia bluebell, wisteria blue, pimpernel and so on. Are you sick yet? We've just started:

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"Lucid femme with pale purple eyes and sun-lit tabby markings."
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"Here I am: Name: Ayu Age: 15 Looks: Long blond hair, purple eyes."
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"her purple eyes a nice warm shade, her purple hair in a ponytail and a couple strands of it infront of her eye"
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"Due to a weird mixture of different potions he experimented with when he was younger, his shortly cropped hair turned a permanent rich hue of purple, and so did his eyes,"
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"Too dark purple eyes blazed behind horrible scares that coverd what could been seen of his face."
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"looks: golden scales and mane and purple eyes / human shape blond hair that gose down to his weast very handsome (^^) and purple eyes"
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"Appearance: Dark Brown Hair, Purple Eyes, 5' tall, yellow jacket, maroon pants"
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"I turned onmy heel sharply, my silvery white hair flying and settling over my shoulders. My deep purple eyes flashing."
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"Physical Description- American. Tall and athletically built. Long black wavy hair down to the small of her back and light purple eyes."
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"appearence:Red dreadlock like hair,purple eyes,His old pants only inverted and Brave is in Hiragana form,Blue tanktop decorated with a picture of an Octopuss holding back a gorrila strangling a cheetah eating a rabbit,multicolored cleets"
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"Caucasian, weird green liberty spikes-dreadlock combination for hair, bright purple eyes, dark yellow tank-top, bandages around arms, dark purple baggy shorts, sandals and bandages on feet."
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"My character's name is Harumi, a 15 yr old girl who has silver shoulder length hair and purple eyes. She has the power of the stars which she has yet to discover.^^"
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"Appearance: Long crimson hair, purple eyes... somewhat like an older version of Harumi, only with a symbol of the sun on the back of her neck."
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"footsteps ring out across the ruins and a figure comes out of the smoke, dressed in black from head to foot, a long slender blade twirling in its hand a female, white skinned and white haired with bright purple eyes looking at them with intense dislike"
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"Looks- Long Brown hair with purple streaks, deep purple eyes, deeply tanned, tall, full-figured, slightly muscualr."
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"Description: A rather tall man, at 6 feet 6 inches, Coradin has graying brown hair and purple eyes."
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"She had no choice as she looked at the one walking up to her with those fiery purple eyes, hoping that he would keep his word"
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"Dracko looked outside. "Hmm..." Dracko's eyes soon bagan to fade out until his purple eyes looked white and foggy."
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"Suddenly the girl's purple eyes looked at an explosion that happened in mid air. Mirai gave a big bubbly smile while watching the eye catching explosion..."
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"Appearance: Tall, albino and skinny. Has acid green hair and purple eyes"
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"Appearance:long white hair, with purple eyes, and white clear wings like the moonlight. Wearing a long white dress with red ribbons."
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"Brody looked at her skeptically with faintly red-rimmed purple eyes. "You'd probably end up setting me on fire.""
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And, because you knew this was a possibility:
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"Physical Description: Reinna is on the short side, barely 5 feet tall. Her mother was a veela, so Reinna does have certain qualities *ahem* about her. Her hair is very long, but instead of the usual veela color, her own locks are jet black as night. Her eyes are purple, and her skin tone is light. "
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Mary Sues: Always blurring the line between grandiose and bigger than life with pomposity and pretentiousness. When you can't just be the center of attention in one respect, why not go for the mother load, pull out all the stops, flail your arms around and say, "Look at me" in every way you desperately can?