Canons. Canon Sues. Canon Inserts. Self Inserts. Things I hate for 100!

Canons are characters in an rpg that come from a novel, TV show or movie. Obviously this would be Prof. Xavier, Spike, Sheridan Boothe, Lestat de Lioncourt, Lana Lang, Claudia Kishi, Mariel of Redwall, Opal Koboi, B.A. Baracus, Shawn-Douglas Brady and so on. Every fictional person, vampire, mouse, mutant, pixie or whatever that appears on screen or gracing any pages can be a canon. <-------- See "canon" in the spanky new glossary

Canon abuse can occur in many different forms. Here are the three most common and one of them I even made up!

Canon Sue: <----------- Also in the glossary!
Canon Sues are Mary Sues in disguise. A Canon Suethor will idealize the character into a total corruption of who the character is to make them better, stronger, faster, smarter, more heroic, and more troubled. Even if the Canon they are working with is Lex Luthor. I saw this one in a Lost rpg where I was playing a female made up. The suethor playing Charlie, in one post, saved my character from drowning (even though she wasn't drowning nor even in the water), delivered a baby, took the baby into a cave to get it out of the coming rain and then got the two of them caught in a cave in. I wish I were exaggerating a little. I admit that after reading that one post I said, "Screw this club" and I walked out.

Self Inserts: <------------ In glossary.
This when a person creates a character totally based on themselves. This is a Mary Sue that directly links up to the author. Sometimes they give themselves amazing abilities and crap but for all intents and purposes, the character is A REAL PERSON!!!!! Self Inserts are especially aggrivating because it's almost worse than a Mary Sue. I saw one in a Buffy rpg that is a textbook example. The author started off playing Harmony and she was doing well. Her Harmony was an average Harmony. Maybe even a good Harmony. She should have stayed Harmony. But then it happened. She asked if she could create a whole new made up character that would just be great and fit into the game all nicey nice. She was allowed and she plunked herself right down in as Harmony's forgotten sister who had witchy powers. She posted pictures of herself and joined herself right in with Harmony's character in some remote cave so they could bicker about how Harmony's vampireness was affecting their parents. *insert eye roll here*

Canon Inserts: <----------- I made this one up and put it in the glossary but it's still valid.
This is when an author signs up to play a canon but then strips away everything the canon is to turn the canon into themselves. Maybe the author identifies with the canon in some way and this is why this happens but the end product is a canon that looks like the author. I saw this in a Buffy club and it was an amazing transformation the author made from canon to self. She was playing Tara. She started off having cute little moments in the Magic Box with Willow. Willow left and she sought me out to role play with. I was playing a guy at the time and "Tara" approached me normally and since I was a bad guy I menaced her a little. Then the author wanted to talk to me in the chatroom alone to discuss a scenario she wanted to play out. She told me that in real life a psychic had told her she was reincarnated and in a past life, during the Civil War era, her step-dad has beaten her and locked her in a basement. She wanted me to make Tara call me daddy, beat her, and lock her into the backroom of the Magic Box. I said I didn't really want to do that but I would continue with the menacing only not as mean and maybe my guy would just leave the Magic Box and she would remain okay. She agreed to this and as soon as I left she found another male character to ask this favor of. She left soon after citing creative differences.



Mods are the bottom line here in what they will allow, canon-wise. I trust them to make it clear what they want in an rpg but sometimes they want a canon who isn't everything they truly are in books or on screen. Even I can't get annoyed with this. The canons are being placed in new scenes and new plots facing new bad guys. They can't always remain 100% true to form. I get that. But if you are a mod, you need to be aware that people like these make your clubs die an icky, horrible, sputumy death. A little variation is fine but when Chris Halliwell wants to fuck the demon Barbas raw while his younger sister, Amy Halliwell, is holding Barbas down for him because it will save the world, your club may have gone too far.

Rose Mc-Fucking-Gowan! How could I forget?

Rose McGowan is also used as a gothy Mary Sue. In fact, here's an example from a Buffy rpg I'm considering joining for the purposes of this blog. Here's her bio form:

Full Name: Morrighan Delaney Murphy (Morrigan? She's screaming out to us with her cigarettey breath.)
Your Side: Evil
Age: 25
Birth Parents: Sean Matthew Murphy and Sara Emily Delaney Murphy (I don't get why this part is necessary.)
Location of Residence: Sunnydale, CA via Boston, MA
Brief description: Height: 5’7 Weight: 120 (curves in all the right places) (She's got boobs and she's not afraid to use them!)
Hair: Dark Auburn, Hints of Red, Black Cherry AlmostEyes: Brown
Brief History: (Not brief at all because she's a Mary Sue and she needs an abusive history!) I was born on December 21, 1981 (which just happened to be the winter solstice), in Boston, MA.
There is a long history of Celtic Witches in my family, however my parents weren’t practicing as far as I ever new.

My parents died in a car crash when I was young and I was brought up by my Aunt Bridget on my father’s side.My Aunt Bridget was a witch and taught me what she knew. I lived with my Aunt until she was killed under mysterious and magickal circumstances when I was fifteen. (I'd blame Shannon Dougherty myself. If you want a source of evil, I'd go there.) My Aunt being the last of my family, so I was placed into the foster care system, not a happy place to be.

On turning eighteen and graduating high school they unceremoniously cast you out upon the world.

Not that I’m bitter or anything. (Highlighted for sarcasm! She's a Mary Sue unleashed out into an uncaring world. No wonder she turned to evil and not to a job at the Doublemeat Palace. I'm feeling it!)

After my release I continued my research and training in witchcraft and delved into the dark arts. Determined to be prepared for whatever was to come. I also worked my way through college getting my degree in Medieval and Renaissance Studies as well as Ancient Philosophy. I had always done well in school and it was easy for me to get a full scholarship to Harvard, especially with a little help from the mystical world. (She is, therefore, more special and more prepared than the legions of other Mary Sue's hanging out in Sunnydale. I'm just curious how she worked her way through Harvard anyway. It wasn't a job with a uniform, that's for sure. It was probably hooking. That would be bad ass and that would make her even more troubled.)

I did work hard though and the education was well worth the effort. It also put me in touch with many others who were interested in the mystical and the magickal and especially practicing the dark arts. My skills in this area grew immensely during this time. Believe me when I say, I will be a very formidable opponent. (Believe it because when she says she's gonna fight, she means she gonna gonna tell the good guys to death how she could have been like them but she chose evil instead and she's just misunderstood by society so give her a break, damn it! She doesn't have to cast a spell or land a punch when she has noble gothitude on her side.)

Some interesting tidbits about me that I learned in my research. The meanings of my names: Irish Goddess of Death and War also The Great Queen and The Dark Challenger.
Maybe a hint of things to come? (Oh dear. If only one foster mother had read her a bedtime story back in her youth, this all could have been different. But no, world, we unleashed this evil onto ourselves. The blood this Great, Dark, Challenging Mary Sue of Death and War spilled is on our hands. Excuse me while I weep for humanity.)


Bio forms or character sheets are a Mary Sue's bible. This Suethor stuck to the character sheet provided by the club but if someone enters a club and has their own bio (probably from another club) this is a bad sign. A Suethor with a prepared form has been passionately playing that character for maybe a week and they will quickly burn themselves out.

I met one in a different Buffy club who had a character that looked like Vin Diesel. This Gary Stu had the usual horrible childhood but excelled in some secret army program even though he's now on the run for saving a child he was supposed to kill. The bio form he had allowed him to elaborate on the weapons he carried on himself and in his car (each under a separate heading). He had a car that even the mod referred to as a "supped up penis car" and there was a heading created for all the modifications to this vehicle.

"Vin Stu" arrived at the Bronze and shot up some vampires that made the mistake of coming out of hiding in front of his characters only. Once the Bronze was conflict free, he just into his phallic car and joined the crowd at the cemetery to blow apart vampires with his shoulder missile launcher or whatever. Once that conflict was over, he disappeared from the club forever. There might have been a message to Buffy about why she never thought of using weapons of mass destruction but Vin Stu made his point. Not with words but with 100% RAW THROBBING MANHOOD!!!!!!!!

'

In conclusion, Mary Sue and Gary Stu needs you to have read their bios in order to get what they want. They expect you've read up on their tragedies and will give them the full attention they need because they believe they are more special than every other Mary Sue currently trying to elbow their way into the spotlight. I do advise that while role playing, you should read the bio of who you're dealing with but you could substitute one Mary Sue's bio for another Mary Sue's bio. Don't worry. Throughout this blog I'll be showing you that!

Mary Sues. They Suck. Here's why.

A Mary Sue is an rpg term for a character created to be perfect in every way. She's a lovely Pollyanna for which a Godly light shines down from the Heavens onto her brow. She exhales joy, love and laughter and craps gold and flowers. To be foul with her in anyway is damnation.

How do you spot her?

• She usually looks like Nicole Kidman, Sarah Michelle Gellar or Mary Kate Olsen because she's intended to be drop dead gorgeous. (I left out Ashley Olsen because she might come across as a ho compared to Mary Kate.) I've encountered all sorts of faces to suit the Mary Sue persona but these ladies are the most common. Ever since Moulin Rouge, Buffy and whatever the Hell the Olsen twins have ever done, you can't escape these gals. It's an upsetting trend. The only time I ever engaged a character like this was to have fun with her. Or is it at her. She looked like Nicole Kidman but she was supposed to be a 5th year (10th grader) in a Harry Potter rpg. WTF? A 40 year old 5th year?

• She's incredibly smart because she's top in her dark arts class or she's studied all kinds of martial arts so she can one day avenge the brutal murder of her parents at the hands of savage vampires. Mary Sue either has an amazing knack for things that could be considered just out of bounds within an established rpg world or she's gone through a horrible trauma that has given her insight beyond her years. The first incarnation may have the same horrible childhood as the second but both Mary Sues expect other characters to look up to them. In one highschool based rpg I watched one chick's Mary Sue move from role player to role player because she was desperately looking for one to tell her how awesome she was. She wasn't getting the results she wanted so she chewed us all out in a long, hateful, boring ooc (out of character) post. When it was pointed out that she was very over dramatic and she was taxing the energy of fellow players and interacting with her was a nightmare, she called us all fucking bastards and left. Now that was awesome!

• When you are playing a bad guy trying to menace a Mary Sue at The Bronze, she's already read your post about secretly wanting to menace her so she knows and her katana is drawn your bad guy's throut before he can ask to buy her a drink. They are already aware of your inner monologue which is annoying because you can't get into any conflict with them. Conflict is the backbone of all stories but Mary Sues won't have it. They end all build ups and won't even entertain the idea of getting into a situation that might mess their hair. You see, Mary Sue's are extensions of their authors. The author wants the Mary Sue to be everything she isn't. She couldn't possibly make a mistake and accept a drink from a possible vampire because Mary Sue wouldn't be so stupid. How dare you try to be a bad guy in Mary Sue's world! Expecting her to make a small error in judgment is an insult to the author herself. At least her tingling Mary Sue senses made you aware that she's not going to play fair or at all, really. Watch how long she sits there at the bar before writing a long, whiny ooc post and leaves.

• Some Mary Sues are bitches. She maintains that she has a right to be moody and rude to all characters because she's just misunderstood. She might look like Avril Lavigne in these cases. She claims to hate all the perfect characters but in reality, her bitchitude is absolute. She demands to rule over the entire rpg by insulting every participant under the guise that she's noble in her gothy alternativeness. Actually, the 5th year Nicole Kidman was one of those. SHOCKER!!!!!!

• She's given some totally awesome name that sets her apart. She's no Anne, Sherry, Rachel or even Mary Sue. She's a Raven, a Cadence, a M'Kenzi or a Chase (yes, Chase is female). She has some name that is bigger than life itself! She wants you to notice her and her name screams out in Mary Sue panic to look at her!!!! LOOK AT HER NOW!!!!!! See how special she is????? You can't see that? What's wrong with you? Get ready for a long post about how you're not giving Raven-Cadence McM'KenziChase a chance to let you worship her.

I could keep listing things to use to identify one but I think over the course of this blog, it should become apperent. Real life examples are astounding and can be found all over. All genders as well.

I've only mentioned female Mary Sues but my absolute favorite example was a Mary Sue male equivalent. A "Gary Stu." He called himself "Blaize Angel" in a Harry Potter rpg. He had almost the same background as Harry Potter except for some small details that made him better, faster, stronger and more troubled. No one paid much attention to him because he started his character off with several "intro posts" that didn't need to be responded to. We were supposed to take notice of his awesomeness. In one post he was just flying around on his broomstick and he had some bottle in his hand that he was innocently holding. Innocent, until he dropped it. It fell at an amazing speed! He zoomed down and caught it before it hit the ground. Wow! We were all supposed to say, "Hey! That Blaize Angel kid is cool! Let's sign him right up for the quidditch team!"

Nobody really paid attention to him which seemed fine for him as he soon created himself a Draco Malfoy named Magister Mactbili or whatever. Pretty soon Blaize and Magister were having their own epic battles. The rest of us ignored him as he played with himself all over the board and eventually burned himself out.

Mary Sues cock up rpgs and they are all spewing teenage angst and why do I keep going back? Who knows. At least it seems most rpg owners are getting wise to this and trying to cut back on it.

We shall see. Oh yes, we shall see.