Not!Hogwarts

Today's defunct rpg is called "Astral Academy for all Magical Beings." It's a blatant Harry Potter rip off. Almost everything is the same except that this school accepts all magical beings and specializes in divination. Oh! And Headmistress Forter, looks like Cameron Diaz.

There are four houses just like Hogwarts (and in some ways, not like Hogwarts at all) and here is the site description of each one:

Delphis-Blue-Dolphin

Students in the Delphis house are very good healers. They are very sensitive and have strong natural instincts. They know what they are looking for and won't give up easily. They also get along with almost everyone they meet. They are very nice. They may be slow at what they do, but they are safe doing it.

Stay Close to: Caballus House Stay away from: Mydas House

So this house is 60% Hufflepuff and 40% Gryffindor. They are dull but determined, cautious but courageous and smart but slow. Everything you could ever want in these two goody-two-shoe Houses all rolled into one.

Mydas-Green-Snake

Students in the Mydas House are maybe the meanest of all the houses. They are spiritual in their own way. They make fun of those not like them. They are usually considered liars and cheats. They like to make fun of the poor and love the rich. But even though they seem like they know what they want, they have a lot of emotional or mental stress upon them.

Stay close to: Cyclora House Stay away from: Delphis House

It's Slytherin. It's full of wealthy, pureblood assholes. They will all be depressed, vicious, suicidal and have all the mad Dark Arts Skillz.

,

Caballus-Pink-Rabbit

The students in the Caballus House are the most loving of them all. They believe in true love and are very romantic. They are loyal to people they meet and are commited to what they want. They flirt and thrive on their sexual desires. But they can be a little foolish. They can get into trouble.

Stay close to: Delphis House Stay away from: Cyclora House

Here is where we diverge from the main four Hogwarts Houses. The whores, sluts, pimps, gimps, playas, nymphos and bondage freaks live here. This is CLEARLY the Tootsietramp House.

Cyclora-Red-Dragon

Students in the Cyclora House have very short tempers. They are brave and get fired up a lot. They seem to have a pretty big ego too. They can be creative in their own ways. Cyclora's are known to be very determined and empowered. They aren't afraid and will do anything they set their minds too.

Stay close to: Mydas House Stay away from: Delphis House

And here is Ravenclaw, the real Slytherins of Hogwarts. These students that embody what Slytherins ought to be in, not the whiny, bitchy brats they have become thanks to Mary Sues and Gary Stus.

Headmistress Forter requires all new students to go to the Diamond Dining Hall for a Sorting Ceremony and a whopping total of six students showed up for this. The Ceremony goes a little like this:

Headmistress Forter stood in front of something also. It was a littler platform. But this platform was a little more special. That platform would tell what house each student would be in. Once the student stands on it, the color of the house will glow. Not only will it do that but it will also make the student glow. The school's outfit will appear on the student. Headmistress Forter loved that part. The students would be spooked by it."

I'm not sure. Those Caballus kids may actually enjoy losing their clothes to the Headmistress on their first day of school.

So how did these students do in the Ceremony? Oh boy. Now it's time to sort the dull, demented, ditzy and dangerous from each other.

First up is Bailey Morrison. As you can see, he's not Alex Evans but he wishes he was. He's emo, goth and misunderstood. Of course he's bisexual, "goes through severe bouts of depression", is beaten by his parents who hate him and he sings like an angel. His rpg example is a detailed description of his dad beating the shit out of Bailey when he is accepted to Astral Academy.

So what House do you think he'll be placed in? Place your bets before you read further:

Bailey jumped as the platform glowed a bright pink. (Caballus) Looking down at his own body, he saw that he too, for a brief moment, seemed to glow the same color and his eyes widened as the school uniform appeard on his body. His mouth gaped open and his head shot up to the headmistress once more as she spoke. Sighing, he stepped off the platform and walked to the table he was supposed to be at.

Next up is Ookami Lynn. She's bisexual, pureblood and is Asian with white hair. Why is her hair white? She can freeze things with her touch. In fact, her entire demeanor is cold and she loves to torture people. Her only friend in life is her pet dragon because her mom died in child birth and her dad is afraid of her. In her rpg example and cries about being so alone, not just in Astral Academy, but in life as well.

So what House did she end up in?

She began to glow a red and before she could say anything as she stared towards the mistress a slight fear flashed in her cold eyes then vanished as the uniform came onto her. (Cyclora) She stared down at it suddenly feeling bare as her cloak had left her body. The red plaid skirt and polo's along with the shirt with the house's emblium on it, she twitched and she slowly stepped from the 'stage' and hesitantly made her way perfectly careful not to touch anyone.

,

She sat alone at the table, away from the others. Her hand came down flat on the table and she stared at the mistress before realising her hand. Eyes shot down, her gaze adverting to her hand as she quickly pulled it from the table. A frosted handprint was left in it's place and she stared at it uneasily before her gaze scanned the table. Making sure to scoot away from anyone who got to close to her.

There's some crap after this where Ookami and Headmistress talk about the girl's frozen touch and a bunch of NPC kids look at Ookami like she's a freak which she is. Headmistress Forter gives her special gloves to negate the frozen touch but guess what... in EVERY POST Ookami brings up her frozen touch. She's determined to milk her curse for all it's worth and no dumb gloves that could help her will stand in the way.

Next we have Jared Darken who is pansexual, pureblood, always carries a snake on his shoulders, can read minds and auras, likes sex, is wealthy and is a big sweetie except when he spray paints cars for fun.
There isn't much to be said for this guy since he only posted a dozen times on the forum. Like Ookami and her frozen touch, this guy brings up his snake a lot and there isn't too much you can do if that's all you've got. And he and his snake ended up in Caballus.

Next is Rhyne Launer, a self proclaimed sparkling hottie. I can't even post his banner here because it's so damn big. Obviously the author likes this actor and makes him awesome. He has a big ego and big heart, is a pureblood, is bi-curious and has a thing for his male cousin, Ryan. In fact, they can link their minds telepathically. His rpg example shows Rhyne and Ryan coming close to getting it on while swimming together.

So what House will Rhyne be in?

Rhyne looked down at the platform then his body. He noticed he was glowing a blue color. He didn't panic but he was really scared. He looked around and then he looked back down at his body. He now had a blue outfit on with a badge on his chest of a Dolphin. He smiled and walked off to his table. (Delphis)

Ookami throws this little piece of depression in:

It was interesting how her mind worked, here she'd be dead silent and appear shy, in her dorm and when she was somewhat alone she'd be as cold as her touch. She mumbled something under her breath as she slipped off the left glove and ran her finger along the table.

She spelt out in cursive:

Not Alone
Next is another character created by Ookami's author. She's a mermaid named Nimaway Lee Glen. She's a bisexual half-blood and even though she's a mermaid, she can shape shift into a human. She is drop dead gorgeous and loves everyone and everything and hates mean people because they suck. Her dad ran out on her mom after learning she was a mermaid. Nimaway can't wait to shape shift into the form of other students because she's just that special.

What House will she be in? Duh! Delphis. And her clothes didn't change because she's a big, special shape shifter. Puke.

Finally we have Kahlen Fiona J. Smith who looks like Jessica Alba and is plucky enough to redo the entire bio to fit how cute she is. Seriously. There are paragraphs dedicated to her hair, eyes, skin, lips and her firebolt shaped birthmark behind her ear. That's correct. You read that right. She even mentions Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Voldemort in her bio because she didn't really read the premise of the rpg. This quote sums her up:

"Throughout her years at Astral, up to now, she had learned more than ever, she had been able to transfigure do spells correctly, make Potions, become a better mermaid and telepath and most of all had fun. Now, she must face challenges, survive contests and everything."

Better mermaid??? That shows up no where in her bio but this line. I have no idea why I'm questioning this. She's just all around awesome.

How does she fare in the Sorting thread? Essentially, she's left high and dry by Headmistress Forter. The Headmistress' last post is the one where she accepts Kahlen's assy character, makes her a Delphis and begs her to stay and role play. Kahlen trots herself over to the Sorting thread and waits to stand on the platform but Headmistress Forter never shows up.

So, like the rpg from All Sued Up and No Place to RP, this rpg didn't run well under the weight of all it's special players. These Mary Sues and Gary Stus just crush it to death with the constant drama or inability to get it on with other students because the population is so low.

This site has been taken over by sex ads and wowposter. It sits, lonely and dusty. Even the sparkles have faded, never again to blind us. R.I.P. Astral Academy. You didn't stand a chance.

Speak little and be a Mary Sue....

No one will ever be able to convince me there's a good reason for making character so painfully shy that they speak very little or not at all. For one thing, this makes it hard for characters to communicate if the character sticks strongly to this trait. Everything must be one sided and, believe it or not, that leaves the silent character in control of the scene.

But more than that, these characters need to be taken care of. They need to be babied and protected not only because they don't speak but also because the reason they don't speak probably has something to do with some major tragedy. Poor, wittle Sue was tormented into silence.

At least these Mary Sues spare us the witty banter.

"She doesn't speak much, however if she does she usually delivers some kind of information that is relevant to the situation at hand."

"Personality: Well... she doesn’t speak too much. She’s ashamed of her voice and goes to great lengths to keep from talking, even as far as learning a bit of sign language and carrying a notepad around wherever she goes so she can write down the things she wants to say to people. "

"Personality: Alice is a shy person. She doesn't speak often and keeps to herself. She doesn't like to be around many people, andwsometimes wishes that she wasn't born."

"She has pale skin, and she doesn't like to be touched by anyone but her adopted mother, Kaitlyn. She doesn't speak much, although when spoken to, her voice is like a song by itself. She's been told she was unbelievably gorgeous, although at times she is disgusted with herself."

"Personality :: Naomi is very quiet. She doesn't speak much unless absolutely needed."

"She is, indeed, a good girl and does as she is told. She doesn't speak much, but when she speaks, it's worth listening to."

"Personality: Nindeth is rather quiet, she doesn't speak easily to people she doesn't know well. Only those with patience and kindness can truly learn to know her. She is calm and collected, always thinks before she acts."

"She doesn't speak much, but is full of wisdom and skill in all areas."

"Miu is such a quiet girl. She doesn't speak very much and is basically shy. She doesn't like to be in crowds or be the center of attention. She even gets uncomfortable when just one person is looking at her."

Don't let being mute fool you. She's still wise beyond her years, terribly gorgeous and skilled at everything.

"Personality: Aiko is an extremely shy girl, and being mute doesn't help her with social skills (not many people know the mute language), she can be seen as an anti-social kid, but, the truth is, she's just most of the time ignored."

"Manfred bowed his head down low, but he was kicking himself on the insides. "Duh huh Manfred! She's mute you moron!" he thought to himself. He didn't really know what to say, he felt sorry for her but didn't want to bug her about it."

"Boi: Layanna is a rather strange girl. She's mute, but can understand others fine. Also she can't hold much energy herself, so she dances to summon enough energy for her spells."

"One of her ears is shredded from a fight with a dog, and she's mute, but has found a way to communicate through her sister, Still. Heavily pregnant, but her mate was killed, so looking for another one."

"Name: Shizuka/ Which means quiet in japanese
Specal: She's mute... That means she cant talk"

"A few moments of silent finger-talk later, the incident is forgotten. Sirco is a mute. At the start, it was hard to communicate, but by using basic gestures and translating it in written form, both Roland and Shuffle now knew enough to communicate with their "sister"."

"Stand-offish at first, Rosuto is a quick obeserver; picking up everything that a normal person would miss. Quick, soft-spoken for when she does speak, but most of the time she's mute; Rosuto seems to have a soft spot for the hard-luck cases."

"Phyre is a thief, born and raised on the streets of Firelle, due to the unexplained death of her parents when she was just three years old. Now she is nineteen years old and a little over five feet tall with long red hair and green eyes. Normally, however, her hair is tied in a bun to keep it out of her way, especially while working. She's mute and has a dragon symbol tattooed on her tongue."

"Mistkit is a silent kit, of course, and prefers to stay to herself most of the time, stuck in her 'obsessive shell' of things. Nonetheless, she is a very, very hyper and playful kit, and wants to prove to herself and ShadowClan that just because she's mute, does not mean she has no destiny or cannot be a Warrior."

And, because it had to happen:

"Other:She's mute,and a very good computer hacker.She's also a neko."

What's Black & White and Gary Stu All Over?

I've tried. I really have. I've done everything short of actually joining a furry rpg and attempting to play. I've read through tons of furry rpgs and sat in judgment about why they like this sort of thing and I still come back confused by it. This bio is no help in my understanding of how mystical and magical it may be to associate oneself with an animal. I still find it all very silly.

Name: Issaeor Eschill (Ess-shill) (How do you say his first name? I see it as Eye Sore)
Age: 25
Species: Emperor Penguin (LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! Furries are so weird.)

Height: 5'5"
Weight: 145 lbs
Fur or skin description: Black head and back with furlike feathers. He has an elongated face and the standard bird beak-like mouth (Which moves to speak with lips, etc.) (Penguins don't have lips. They really don't. Beaks are lipless. Have I mentioned furries are weird?) He had a white chest and, unlike most of his kind, he is thin and fit. (Yeah. Those other chubby penguins who use their fat to stay warm are losers.) He had yellow feathers behind his eyes leading to his chin. His feathery hair is only a bit of a puff off of the top of his head, which he keeps well-groomed. His finlike arms are kept shiny and clean. He limps on his left leg. (Snowboarding accident?)

Eye color(s): Yellow (With little, yellow flecks in them.)
Nationality: Junswu (Born Arciti) (Terrible neighborhood, as I understand it. Lots of penguin drugs and penguin crimes.)

Personality: Issaeor is optimistic and friendly, although he is a bit shy. It takes him a while to get used to people, but if something strikes his curiosity or interest, he becomes more open (Which isn't difficult.) (All you really need are a few shiny pebbles.) He is aware of how awkward he acts and looks and often uses it to break awkward moments with humor. (Eye Sore: "If I even look at another krill, the weight will go straight to my hips.")

History: Issaeor's father abandoned him after his mother was killed by a Seal, (A VAMPIRE SEAL!) for he had no way to feed his son or himself without Issaeor's mother. (She sure did bring home the krill.) He lived alone, scrummaging for what he could eat and use to survive for a year, eventually breaking his leg. (In a really, terrible snowboarding accident!) He was adopted by a pair that had lost their chick to the cold, and was raised by them, growing stronger. When he finally reached adolescence and was to live on his won, however, his adoptive father brought him to a Husky trading port, where a Tiger named Khable made him his apprentice. (An apprentice what? Seriously, before you read further, consider what is happening here. A tiger is training a penguin to be an apprentice. What sort of job could this possibly be? Just guess.) Issaeor learned to become a Magi and grew up in Junswu. (A Magi??? Of course? I bet your answer seems silly now, doesn't it?) Now, in order to join his mentor's Order, he has to travel for ten years and see the world, which he intends to do.

Occupation: Magi-for-hire (I was guessing that the tiger was going to teach him to taste good but what do I know?)
Class: Magi (Or else I was imagining the tiger teaching the penguin how to bring down an antelope or something. I will just never understand furries.)

Powers: As he was taught by Junswu Magi, his spells tend to deal in extremes. His magic is very potent, but also requires a great deal of energy. His emotions and personality usually deals in healing, traps, and boosting abilities. (Huh? What sort of magic does he do? I'm reading this as: He has great powers. Wondrous powers. Amazingly, cool powers. And on the side he heals, traps and boosts abilities because that's where his personality and emotions lie or excel or whatever. I don't know. I think he just gave himself free license to Gary Stu without telling us how he plans on doing it. He'll just pull random magic out of his little penguin ass.)

Weapons: Issaeor wields a scimitar and a pistol. (LOL! He carries weapons? Little, tiny weapons fitted to his little, tiny wings? Wait! If I find that even the little, tiniest bit cute, does that mean I like furries now? Damn it!)

Skills: Junswu Magi powers; (Which are..... what?) proficient with Scimitar and similar swords; proficient with pistol (Just picture it! His little, tiny, feathery wings wrapped around around a scimitar or squeezing on the trigger of a pistol. It's sort of adorable. Lord help me.)

It Sucks Being a Vampire

Even vampires hate themselves. Imagine that. They are just filled with angst, guilt and inner torment about what they are. Some vampires just have trouble embracing the cold-blooded killer within. They whine their way across the Earth and through eternity because their undead lifestyle is such a great burden to them.

Where does this come from? I imagine it's because many a Suethor would like to be a part of the normal rpg storyline next to the good guys but they strive to be better and stronger than everyone else. Vampires are strong, very seductive and occasionally have awesomely, cool super powers but, traditionally, they are meant to be evil bloodsuckers. How do you get around that? How do you reconcile all those evil thoughts and deeds? You become a vampire that hates being a vampire. You hate killing innocent people so you swear it off by vowing to only feed on animals, going to blood blanks, seeking out willing victims and sucking only on the elderly or society's worst humans. You spend your time fighting evil next to the good guys and trying to convince them you are nice. Oh, the great turmoil that churns up your soul and spits it out just makes you horny, doesn't it?

"Now he is a vampire who hates being a vampire who has just be informed of a different way. Called a blood bank."

"She hates being a vampire and enjoys watching things die before her, though deep down, maybe her soft heart will resurface."

"Apperance: Blonde bangs that cover his eyes slightly, wears black t-shirt and faded denim jeans
Extra: Vampire
Bio: He hates being a vampire, he wants to be human."

"She hates the fact that she's a vampire, she just wants to be normal."

"Bio: is a vampire, and *trys* to keep it secret. she is so far succesful... and she has vampire abilitys like ice and shapeshifting and extreme phisical ability(only uses when neccecery) she hates being a vampire blue, black, and silver Runner"

"she hates driking blood but has to to survive,and hates being a vampire because she feels as if she wasnt maybe people wouldnt treat her so cold and like her.since shes a vampire she trys not to get close to anyone so in the end she dosent end up hurting them."

"Attitude: He hates being a vampire. Ever since his syre died he has tried to find ways to remove his vampire blood, to no success. Sometimes he walks in the sunlight to try and wear it off but he always comes out worse for wear."

"Other:hates being a vampire wants to be human"

"Personaltiy: funny and brave, Tican can still have a caring side too. He talks whenever he feels like it. He hates being a vampire."

"Bio-Lyric was always alone as a child she was born as a pure blood vampire.At times she hates being a vampire cause everyone dosent like her not even her own vampire parents."

"Meanwhile, Genevieve sulks in Language Arts class about how much she hates being a vampire, and how she’d rather rot in Hell."

"He hates being a vampire.He hates having to kill,having to drink blood(partly because of morals,partly because it's highly inconvenient),all the legends and lore associated with his race,and he'd like to be able to enjoy the sun without worrying that it'd bake him alive."

"I personally liked Jenny as a vampire. Wish she would stay that way. Still, Jenny hates being a vampire and she is the one being it, so I always help her."

"Personality: very agile; quick learner; cares for nature; hates vampires with a strong passion [she wants revenge]; honest; not the bravest person you've ever met, but very brave when she has to be; determined
Weakness: gullible; afraid of too much emotion; very sensitive about her past; can be blinded by her hate towards the vampires"

"Others: second head cheerleader, most popular girl in school hates being a vampire, never shows it but she lives with it"

"Breif Bio: Despite being one herself, she hates being a vampire. As a result, she is usually seen conversing with humans and tends to ignore people she knows are vampires as well. Diong so, though, has gotten her lots of enemies, which is why she carries around her trusty Glock."

Anime is Here to Stay... er... Stink

I don't like anime. You may have noticed. It gives me a general skeevy feeling everytime I see those giant eyes and impossible hair that anime characters have. Someday I might try to sneak into an anime rpg just to see what this creepy underbelly of rpg culture is like. Before I do and, perhaps, before you do, here are some terms to be aware of:

Bishounen: (Or Bishonen) This means "beautiful boy." This is when a male character is very feminized. He may be homosexual or just very girly. A character like this is often very smart, creative and sexual but not usually in an aggressive or offiensive way. But do not be mistaken: Gary Stu's run this category. They are all terribly witty and have martial arts abilities. The Mary Sue equivalent is "Bishoujo" even though it's redundant because Mary Sues are always beautiful.

Chanslash: (Also known as 'shouta' or 'shota') The word "chan," used as a suffix, is an affectionate Japanese term for children. When coupled with the word "slash," it means underage sex. Both or one of the characters involved in sexual activities is a child and they can be horribly graphic. Normal slash communities tend to find this stuff offensive and encourage those involved to clearly mark that a story or rpg contains chanslash but you may not find it until you stumble into it.

Ecchi: In Japanese, this is how the letter 'H' is pronounced. 'H' as in Hentai. It's a wink, wink, nudge, nudge way of getting around this word.

Henshin: The act of turning into a magical alter ego. Your dull character of Elsie Horace puts on a magical necklace and her mousy, brown hair and hazel eyes disappear and she turns in Mary Sue with waste length blonde tresses and shimmering, purple eyes and she can fight crime with her rapier wit and sharp katana.

Hentai: This refers to extremely kinky sex and horrific levels of porn. Perhaps porn that even the most seasoned of horndogs might shudder at. Also called "tentacle porn," like chanslash, this stuff should always be clearly marked but isn't always. Participants in hentai can be gay, lesbian, straight, young, old, human, vampire, dog, cat, squid, alien, plant, park bench, resident of Delaware or whatever sort of filthy kink combinatination you can come up with.

Ketsuekigata: This means a universal knowing of what someone is all about based on knowing just their blood type. I was going to make fun of this because I assumed it was just a comic book thing but it is taken seriously in Japan. Have a look here! Then again, when you calculate all the possibilities such as vampire, werewolf or whatever blood, you get a whole new set of rules that make this theory lame.

Lemon: This refers to a porn-heavy level of hentai. This is the hardcore stuff that will blow your mind.

Lime: This is a mild level of hentai that might be okay for some audiences. More stuff is suggested or happens "offscreen." There's still sex but it's mentioned in a PG-13 way.

Yaoi: Male on Male action! HoYay! Harry/Draco, Draco/Ron, Ron/Neville, Hagrid/Dobby, Angel/Spike, Warren/Andrew, Kirk/Spock, House/Cameron, Charlie/Sawyer, Edward/Jasper, J.D./Turk, Tony/Silvio... You get the idea, right?

Yuri: Female on Female action! Hermione/Luna, Buffy/Willow, Britney/Christina, Bella/Esme... and so on.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Anime is a strange and silly world and the stranger and sillier it gets, the more insane the sexual situations are. More definitions are on the way though it may kill me to look at more of this crap.

Mary Sue Jokes: Part Three

I don't know if these amuse anyone else but me but who cares? Enjoy!

***

Three rpg characters are traveling in the Amazon; Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Cadence. They get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to Mary Sue, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Mary Sue responds, "I will take oil because even though my stepfather use to rape me and beat me, I am still a delicate flower!" So they put oil on her back, and a large Amazon whips her 10 times. When he is finished, Mary Sue has huge welts on her back and can hardly move. The Amazons haul the Mary Sue away. They say to Gary Stu, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" Gary Stu says. He stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask Cadence. She responds, "I'll take Gary Stu!"

***

How is a Mary Sue different from a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

***

A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a Mary Sue!

***

One day, God calls on Gary Stu and says, "Gary Stu, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. The bad news is that I only gave you enough blood to operate one organ at a time."

***

What's a Tragic Sues favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

***

How do you save Gary Stu from drowning?
Take your foot off of his head.

***

What do Tootsietramps and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their backs they're screwed!

***

Why do Gary Stus have to flex their muscles around women so much?
Because they have nothing else to brag about.

***

What's the difference between a Mary Sue and the Titanic?
They know how many went down on the Titanic.

***

A bitchiwitch, a qanonreip and a sparklypoo walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

All That Glitters Is Just Pyrite

"Description Chin length brown hair, that has natural red highlights in it. Brown eyes with gold flecks."

So why gold flecks? They make a Sue or Stu glittery and sparkly. When she or he looks at you with those shimmery eyes, it's hard to look away because her beauty or his handsomness is so overwhelming. Perhaps those eyes are intriguing or romantic. Eyes with gold flecks in them may indicate a magical and mysterious lineage that makes them all the more awesome and unique than those around them... assuming, of course, that all the Mary Sues and Gary Stus around don't attempt the same level of awesome and uniqueness by also having goldeny flecky eyes. Would a Sue ever do that?

*Note how the hair is often highlighted as well. Yikes!

"Appearance: Blue eyes with green and gold flecks, Black hair with blue and gold highlights, tan skin, birthmark on neck-- wraps around and looks like a dragon,"

"His eyes are soft brown, with golden flecks that come out in the right light, giving him a predatory appearance in a way."

"Hair Color: Brown with blond bangs
Eye Color: Hazel with gold flecks"

"She has wavy, uneven, lower-back length, black hair into which beads and feathers are braided with eye length bangs. Her eyes are bright emerald green with gold flecks. She has slightly tanned skin, and a lean lithe yet well-gifted body from wearing little and hunting in the top foliage of the trees."

"Tall, taller than Galadriel or any female Elf, with perfect porcelain skin (luminous, clear, and pasty white), LONG (down to her ankles) luxurious golden hair that always seems to be flowing in the wind, and amethyst eyes with golden flecks, brighter than the stars. Sometimes TOO bright (they glow in the dark)."

"Her hair is a rich red, with streaks of gold in the heavy waves. The eyes are grey-blue with gold flecks, large and lashed thickly with brown lashes."

"Appearance: Very black hair, very green eyes, with gold flecks in them. Very handsome."

"Skin: Naturally pale, with a golden tan in the summer
Eyes: Amber with gold flecks"

"His eyes are sky-blue with golden flecks presenting themselves around the edges of his irises"

"So I promptly changed my form into what I was told my kin the sun elves look like: deep bronze skin, shiny black hair, no demon wings, and black eyes with gold flecks."

"She was always so beautiful when she laughed: her face lit up, her dimples shown, and the gold flecks in her eyes danced like stars in a sea of chocolate brown. She was breathtaking."

"His eyes were black with golden flecks in them, framed by his dirty blonde hair."

"Appearance: copper hair, emerald green eyes w/ gold flecks, slender, worn clothing
sorry, i'm sure u don't need another elf, so if u want me to be another race, let me know."

"Description: Longish brown hair, always braided. Brown eyes laced with bright gold flecks that glow when she uses her powers or when her emotions are on overdrive."

"Her eyes are green with golden flecks, encased inside a black ring that defines her eyes"

"Eye Colour: Dark green, with gold flecks.
Physical Mannerisms: Wears a tribal charm made of bones and feathers around his neck for no apparent reason."

"Looks: She has layered long brown hair with natural high-lights throughout. Her eyes are a similar color of brown with small gold flecks in them which make them resemble her hair even more."

"Her body became that of a tiger, golden with deep black stripes, her eyes became wider, a deep green with gold flecks, her hands and feet changed to massive paws; her mouth protruded and when she opened it to growl at him, she bared her very sharp teeth."

"Gold flecks in his green orbs caught the sun through the window and sparkled like amber and emerald."

"looking over her with emerald optics that seemed to glimmer. If you were close enough, you might be able to see tiny gold flecks in the irises... He blinked."

"Her paws are a bit on the darker side, with her long claws nearing a yellowish color. Akash's eyes are a liquid brown type, with golden flecks here and there."

"Looks: Palimino, stunning purple eyes with silver and gold flecks"

"Hair color: White w/ Electrum frosting
Eye Color: Violet with gold flecks
Skin Color: Creamy"

"Fine silver hair, fair skin (gold undertones), intense brown eyes with gold flecks"

Physical Description: Faythe is 5’4" with a slim, but muscular figure. She has long, dark brown, wavy hair with hot pink highlights. Her eyes are brown with gold flecks and a gentle face."

"Appearance: Greenish tan hair, long in the front and short in the back. His eyes are a sharp gray with gold flecks in his right eye around the pupil."

"Mirari's eyes are a changeable hazel green, speckled with gold flecks -- although it's not really recommended to get that up-close-and-personal with her. She might bite you. They waver between green, grayish, teal, and a sort of mingled green-brown-gold randomly."

Here's another addition to the Unfortunate Typo Files: (Sometimes spellchecker can bite you right in the ass!)

"Hazel dug into her pocket and pulled out a few heresy kisses. She then proceeded to jam them into her mouth chipmunk style. When Hazel was upset or stressed, she tended to eat chocolate by the handfuls. Suddenly remembering her manners, she dug several more out and held them out to Josh."

Forks you! See what you've LaPushed me to?

A few days ago I saw the movie "Twilight." That was my first introduction to this series of books by Stephanie Meyers. This movie is currently all I know about the series and, I must say, it's all I need to know. I am utterly disappointed about what vampires have become. Sparkly in sunlight? They go to high school? Some even go around biting the prettiest and poutiest humans so they can join the leagues of pretty and pouting vampires that walk the Earth?

This series is hideous! Every canon character is a damned Sue! They are all good looking and all have some deeply sad background. Can you imagine what the original characters must look like if the canons are this bad?

Imagine no more! Here are some of the Sues I found in only one Twilight rpg. These are all 10 diffent Sues that appeared in only the first page (1 of 9) of an Accepted Character section. Some are long. I guess it's difficult to contain all the tragedy in a few lines.

1. "when angel was five his mom and him were taking a walk through the woods when all of a sudden they were attacked by about 3 wolves. they killed his mom and were about to finish him of when his father arrived and drove them away. he was all heeled up when his father noticed that he was changed. Angel had to move because people were getting a bit suspicious were he used to live."

Full name: Angel Chaos. Orientation: Bi. Looks Like: Alex Evans. Cadence: Not kidding.

2. "Serene's Parents are cold-hearted, and not wanting there own child, sent her away. They put up with Angel for as long as they could. But finally sent her to earth to live with Serene and Serene's Aunt. Angel doesn't know how her parents died, but their memory seems to haunt her."

She's a light angel and her avatar is anime. Does Twilight even have angels? Fuck Twilight if they do. It's worse than I thought.

3. "After her brother's death, several relatives came to watch Felicity while her parents were busy with their work. Particularly, an uncle, who made Felicity so uncomfortable, she would sneak away before he woke up. Because of this, she was beaten and locked into her room. Felicity learned to keep things inside, and now struggles with letting out her emotions."

Appearence (It mocks itself): "Her face usually has an air of mystery about it, as though she is concealing her thoughts and feelings."

4. "When she was 3 was when she first turned into a cat that was when her life and family all fell apart. That night her father out of anger murdered her mother cut her to bits and buried her in the woods. For years after her father brutally abused her After all those years of abuse she became quiet and shy. One day she had enough after he lashed her than had the audacity of talking about her mother in a rude way like she was trash she had enough. She turned into a cheetah and ripped him to shreds throwing them into the ocean once that was taken care of she built a grave marker where her mother’s remains were."

Appearance: Aside from being scarred by her father, "Her eyes are an odd shade of dark purple that are full of care and sometimes a glint of sorrow."

5. "Recently Adenn left home after his family was attacked by a vampire that had hunted them down, the Vampire slaughtered his mother and father, aswell as most of the livestock they kept, Adenn had barely gotten away before he fell victim to the Vampire, though he suffered injuries."

Personality: "Blinded by rage when provoked" I'm losing track of all the dead parents. This is a lesson: Mama's don't let your sons grow up to be Stus by getting yourself killed by a vampire.

6. "Then one day when she was about 7 tragedy struck and it struck hard. She was coming home from school one day noticing her mother wasn't home like usual...instead there were two cop cars in front of the house. She went it kind of scared as she forced her to sit down and they told her the story. Her mother was found sprawled on the ground bloody and beaten on the side of the road. She was the one who had to tell the rest of her family.....Ater that her brother disappeared on her 8th birthday causing her father to sink into a deeper depression. He then turned to drinking and smoking to save him from himself. Her sister was never around so she had to take the beatings.....literally. She still has the scars and bruises from those days. One day her father called her into the living room where he sat with a gun. She felt afraid for her life until she watched her dad shoot himself in the head with his prized .44."

Appearance: "very curvaceous in all of the right spots earning her the title of most hated girl by every girl in the high school" and "back length raven black hair that has different colored streaks in it form one day when she got bored.,her hair is also slightly curly but usually cascades in waves around her face framing it like and angel." Cadence: Currently puking.

7. "Aurora was born into a wealthy family in Forks. Due to unknown reasons, her entire family died when she was young. Local police believe it was a sort of sickness that spread through family genes. The truth, however, was that her family had vampire blood. Back in 1680, Aurora's great great great great (etc) grandmother married a vampire. This blood has branched out over the many generations and Aurora was left with next to none; thankfully."

Appearence: "She's thin towards the anorexic state but not too much. It especially shows on her thin, long legs." It's awesome to have legs like an anorexic! They're so hot!

8. "Not long after Seriyah was born, Dezerah died of blood loss. Jason was devestated, but held on for two more years, signing out mysterious papers before taking his own life."

Appearance: "Seriyah's eyes are a uellow-hazel, although they are often described as gold. Her hair is quite at odds with the rest of her body, but no less beautiful, seeming to fit in with this fair creature. Her long straight hair, from birth, has always been very light blond, nearly white in bright sunlight. Platinum blond. A birth 'defect,' if you will." (Insert blonde joke here.)

9. "I fell unconsious at Dr. Carlisle Cullen's front door. He took me in and the next thing I knew, my eyes were red, and besides that I was the beautiful thing I seen. I thank him to this day for saving my life, and led me down the path of not killing humans. I have never drank human blood before. I only hunt animals."

She's anime, has wings and her name is Stephanie Cullen. Is this Stephanie Meyers doing a little wishful thinking...

10. "Admiranda was conceieved by her human mother, and after her birth she was briefly taken care of by her father for a few weeks. He left her in the care of his sister, placing a small white teddy bear in her arms as she slept. She awoke in a strange house, in the arms of her aunt Cleo, who eventually told her that her father had been killed by the Volturi(he had succeeded in what Edward attempted in New Moon)."

A secret organization kept her hostage and hurt her when she was bad so she's scarred. Her last name is Cadence. I want to cry.

Like I said, this all came from Page 1. There exists 8 more pages just like it in this rpg alone. I fear all Twilight rpgs suffer from this shit and I put full blame on the author, the publishers, the movie makers and all the fangirls who promote this garbage. I'm afraid to look into the wallowing abyss of anymore Twilight rpgs. I probably will, though, because they write my blog for me.

Who the Hell is Alex Evans?

As near as I can tell, he's a dude who likes his picture taken. He is EVERYWHERE in the rpg world. We met him once as Jamie Ray Boyd. Without researching I can tell you he's the perfect emo kid for angsty, young role players. He looks like he is full of woe and needs sex a lot. Chances are that anyone using him as a Play By will cast him as some deeply troubled and abused teen whether he's in an insane asylum, student at Hogwarts or very moody vampire.

But really, who on Earth is he? I am having a devil of a time locating him and why he's famous. As near as I can figure he's a just a model from Canada. That's all. Not a singer or an actor or a skateboarder and any of the things I suspected. Oh! He has an ultra active MySpace page. But somehow, despite not really doing anything except posing for pictures, he's captured all the inner angst of role players all over the internet. He looks like a boy that needs to be taken care of, held close to the bosom and taken to bed a lot.

Why am I so interested in finding him? Like I said, he's all over. I don't think I've seen an rpg in a very long time that doesn't seem to include him in some way. Face Claims all over the Internet are deluged with authors fighting to use him as their play by. (Since this is the first time I'm mentioning these things, a "play by" is the actor or actress used to represent a character and a "face claim" is the general list put out by the rpg admins to show who has claim to what celeb.)

"alex evans - matthew cunning"

"Alex Evans - Acelin & Ashton Pierce"

.

"ALEX EVANS --» phoenix june"

.

"Alex Evans - - Skyler Sommers"

"Oliver Stone {Vampire Clan}

15 Years old [30]

FC: Alex Evans"

,

"Alex Evans Jackson Miller"

"Alex Evans Scorpius Peverell"

.

"Alix Hooke - Alex Evans, Chace Crawford"

"- Alex Evans // Jude Scott"

"^pictures thanks to Alex Evans of DeviantArt"

Some rpgs have started to list him as someone you can't use as a play by any more because he's so damn ubiquitous but that doesn't mean his appeal has diminished. I don't think the interest in him will be disappearing anytime soon. As long as authors believe they are creating an "original" and "unique" emo with various personality disorders, we will have to look at Alex Evans with his swoop style bangs, multiple piercings, deathly pale skin and silly tshirts mugging at cameras. His story lines will be about how vulnerable he is and he just needs the right girl or boy to teach him how to love and trust again. He's damaged yet smart, sad yet strong, troubled yet innocent, rebellious yet meek and emo yet popular. Alex Evans in here to stay all whether we grumble about it or not.

Can't read that? It says:

"Light as a feather

Quick as a fox

whipping about

Strong as an ox

Invisible to us

yet always it's there

calming and damaging

the wind in our hair"

Taking Umbrage with a Harry Potter RPG

You would think that with all my years of role playing and the fact that I run a blog based on teaching fairplay, I would never ever be God modded and powerplayed. Not true at all. It still happens to me all the time and it will probably happen to me again and again and again with the more rpgs I join. It also hurts a whole lot more because I can identify it a lot easier and I feel compelled to stand up for myself every time it happens with varying results.

I recently left an rpg and I want to share this experience with you because in all my years I've never been God modded and powerplayed this bad, this many times and met with this much apathy by any one entire forum. I didn't think it would get as bad as it did because in joining the rpg, everyone had to read through a special list of "No-No Rules" to find the hidden password before being accepted in by staff. These rules were in addition to the normal rules and they specifically outlined God modding and powerplaying. I approved completely of this practice and every rule on that list because each one I have preached on this very blog. I had such high hopes for this rpg and I trusted them completely.

Systematically, each hope was dashed. I would say that maybe two rules from the No-No list were NOT broken against me through out my entire 50 post run in the rpg. Many were mild yet still completely heinous infractions but here is the list of the worst three offenses I had to endure:

1. My character hadn't seen Hogwarts for a very long time. I created a thread where he was looking over his old haunting grounds and he encountered two characters that he didn't know, referring to them as the Gryffindor and the Ravenclaw. I would think it would have been rather obvious that no one would know my guy but the Gryffindor went ahead and proclaimed that he'd known my guy for 7 years and considered my guy to be a regular douche bag he had to "correct" often.

2. My character left the scene because I getting very angry about each violation that seemed to mount in this Gryffindor's presence. I vowed that once my character left the scene, I would have nothing more to do with him again because he just couldn't take a hint. However, after leaving in a very definitive way, the Gryffindor decided to claim that before my guy left, he stepped on my character's toes and then left himself. The Ravenclaw, who was being played by the mod, went ahead and locked the thread and moved it into the archives before I could come in and ask WTF????

3. In a thread that didn't include my presence at all, where I thought I was free and clear of God modding and powerplaying, I was highly pissed to see that it happened again. The Gryffindor and the Ravenclaw, now involved in a romantic relationship, were talking about how they met through the events with my character. The Gryffindor states in one post he hadn't seen my guy since then night, then two posts later, with the aforementioned post still visible on that page, states that my guy had been obsessively stalking his for quite some time and trying to get the better of the Gryffindor but failing every time.

Of course I complained about all of these things every step of the way. I sent many PMs to the mod who was very wishy washy, to the player who said he'd fix his actions or told me to calm down and then to the owner who told me she'd handle it but then I never heard from her again. I went from peaceful reminders, gentle explanations, firm teachings to fully apeshit hoping someone would understand how all of this was utterly unacceptable and I got nothing but giant wall of apathy.

When the immediate threat seemed to be over, I tried to go on role playing but I really wasn't comfortable anymore. I had no solid assurance it wouldn't happen again let alone that anyone really understood why I was upset. It wasn't enough for me to role play with other players because the damage had been done. I started to get suspicious that all this resistance could have been because the Gryffindor was being played by another staff member and everyone was covering for him. I had asked the Gryffindor who else he played because I didn't want to run into him again but he glossed right over answering that so I couldn't ever be sure a character new to mine wasn't him with a different account.

Moral of the Story: If you get God modded and powerplayed and you think you've gone through all the proper channels for fixing this but you're being ignored, don't be afraid to walk away. It's better for your sanity in the grand scheme of things because some rpgs just go through the motions of trying to look sparkly clean when they aren't. If management isn't unified and doesn't have a system in place to deal with rule breakers, don't hold out hope they ever will.

When Kids RP: A Cautionary Tale

Lately, Freaklin Gout, a friend of List Bitch, has been having some problems with a character in the rpg she is in. This Gary Stu is in the form of a child, played by a child and he's making things difficult for those around him:

Well, some time has passed and [name omitted] is no more. *pours one out on the ground* Sad, isn't it? Not really. Stuart's away from Ainne and in a new RP and he's doing well. He's got a girlfriend, a job, a horse, an apartment, and a moonshine business on the side. He's also got a new last name: LaRoche.

This new RP is pretty good. The admins are fairly vigilant about not allowing Mary Sues or Gary Stus to join, and they monitor for power playing and god modding. Unfortunately, even a good admin can stumble, and I believe they've done so by allowing a 13 year old to join the RP. That's right. A motherfucking 13 year old.

I guess I should state that this is technically a Harry Potter RP. We have no canons -- all original characters. The only thing really HPish about it is that we've borrowed the magic and the set-up from the books. It takes place in a small town in Ireland that eschews cars as being too modern. Everyone travels by horse. It's also set in 1969. It's fairly adult as far as RPs go, despite the HP angle.

This kid has only been around for a week and already he's fucking up the RP. First, he might be able to string words together but not in a way that makes any sense. His set ups are all wrong. The physicality of where he is and what he looks like is ludicrous. He tends to over-react to things, painting his scenes in broad strokes that leave those who RP with him confused.

Second, it's disconcerting and even embarrassing to me, as an adult, to be RPing with a 13 year old. I joined this RP for certain maturity levels. Stuart's a lusty guy and he makes references to sex all the time. I don't want to be censoring myself because I'm worried about a little kid reading my threads. On this RP the sex threads are locked away so only the people who write them can read them, but we all still make lacivious references. It makes me more than a little uncomfortable for Stuart to be talking about nailing his girlfriend, knowing that this kid is reading it.

I'm not the only one who feels this way. I was talking via PM last night with another new member about it. She has her own RP and she said that she doesn't allow anyone under 18 to join for the exact reasons I stated above.

I think I know why the admin allowed this kid to join. The admin was a creative writing major in college. I'm guessing she's thinking that we, as more mature and seasoned writers, should mentor him and bring him along to foster his creative writing bent. And I totally get that. That's awfully nice and altruistic. But I didn't join the RP to teach the children how to write. I joined to write stories about love and lust and murder and jealousy.

Anyway, I've talked enough. Here's Chandler's bio: (with comments from Cadence)

Character Bio
CHANDLER T--- is a timid, lusty, and confused fifteen year old boy. He was born and raised (not exactly raised, but…) in C---, and has never seen the rest of the country, let alone been out of Europe. He is of tall stature, with short arms and huge legs. (Like a T-Rex?) He is intrigued by women, and has to be pried away from many girls he meets. Often he is ashamed of himself, and is always trying to change himself for the better. He believes in an 'alter plane' of his own creation, not unlike another Earth, only glorified and fitted to all of his demands. Chandler dreams of bringing wealth and glory to his friends, as well as creating humility and suffering for his foes. (He likes to imagine he is God. That's shocking.) He is dangerous, for although slow to anger, and even slower to provoke, he does not forget grudges at all, and will hold them against others until mended. (Like I trust this guy to be just with his anger or his grudges. I imagine he believes he is righteous but only at his whims. The author will play his characater as though he's wise and above petty problems and he's there to teach others. Newsflash! No one came to this rpg for the gospel of Chandler.)

His dress is somewhat ragged, for he has had no true need for fancy clothing.. He enjoys expression through clothing, and uses color to convey emotions, his favorite being green and yellow. He also enjoys music storytelling, and the rest of traditional 'bardic' traits. He brings up magic through the beauty of his saxophone, a rich brown tenor, and one of the few things he had demanded from his parents. His magic is weak, and is only able to lull people into the beauty of his music. Chandler, however, does not believe he uses magic. (I HATE these characters who come from money but are too noble to use it. Double blah on that. Second, he just God Modded/Powerplayed. He is telling us how people will be reacting to his music.)

His mother has hinted of to be a full a powerful witch, but does not mention it much. The word 'squib' has been tossed around in her presence, and after learning what that was at school, Chandler began to see more and more of his mothers failed magic; poor cleaning, burnt fod, and more of the like. If she was a great witch, well, all he could think of was the fact that his mother must have gotten weaker and weaker as she accumulated wealth and became less dependent on magic. His chubby, red faced father, however, states that he is wizard, and a powerful one a that. He often fixes the simple mistakes that his wife creates, then boasts about his talents to Chandler. He has never actually seen his father use magic the "Big Magic", like conjuring spirits and the like, but tales of his father's powers are known in certain circles. Chandler has, however, seen his father speak with images of animals, a form of magic called scrying. (I am lost by this bit and not just because the spelling and grammer is shit. Since this rpg is based on Harry Potter, no where in those books do witches and wizards ever lose their powers. There are squibs born without powers at all. But for those with magic, it doesn't go away. His mother shouldn't be learning to live like a muggle because she lost her magic. If she's a squib, she would have had to live like a muggle all her life and I imagine she would have adapted. I am so confused here.)

Chandler also lives most of his free time on the streets, away from his dull home. He begs for money, and often receives it (mostly from the school-girls), rather than ask his parents for an allowance.. He pops in from time to time at Pigglewiggle's and carries out small tasks, such as taking out the garbage, then slips away without pay. When asked about this, he simply shrugs and mumbles various answers. (So the girls pay him to go away. I would too. And isn't it just so noble that he's humble enough to take out the garbage for strangers even though he has piles of cash at home. I don't see any of this as being honourable but if he has money, don't beg for it! Give it away. THAT would be upstanding. Don't loiter around the store 'helping' people. That's just creepy.)

Chandler is misunderstood, misplaced, and underestimated for one of his size. He is scrawny, but magnificently strong. He is a beggar, but unusually smart (again, I mean smart as in the 'bardic education'). He is poorly clad, and yet his family is well off. He has never stepped away from C---, and wishes to travel all the lands. Chandler has one main task, though, and will do almost anything to create his perfect world, starting with his hometown. (So he's a little of everything. Grrrrr! And again he is working on this perfect world garbage. If he's starting on his hometown, the residents better get ready to get his assy philosphy shoveled at them like horse shit. It will be thick.)

Bloodline: Mixed-Blood (I would have asked for an explanation of this. It sounds like he's a pureblood. Being a squib doesn't make you a muggle. You're just a witch with no powers. I can only imagine that "mixed" means T-Rex DNA.)

Boggart: Chandler's Boggart is an image of himself as the most powerful magician in the land. (Oh dear! God forbid he is the most awesome guy ever anywhere. That would suck if he were better than anyone else. Oh, wait...)

Appearance: (no pictures to be posted in this section. BE BRIEF)
Chandler is, as most "abandoned" boys of his age, lanky and slender, with a rigid, tense look about him. His face is covered with smalls red pimples, completely covering his cheeks, and sprouting from his nose. He has a crooked smile, and he constantly receives money as the people of C--- pass by, for he is one of the most pitiful, yet pretty (despite his acne) beggars to grace the cobblestones of the city. His arms are unusually short, giving a midget like appearance to his features. His chest looks quite modest, but he possesses natural muscle, toned by the wearing tasks of a homeless man. His legs make up for his arms, and are thick, obviously muscled, and well toned. He posses a pair of ragged loafers, of which he stole prom his pompous father, and a small argyle cap, also from his dad. (I think this physical description is that of the author. The stuff with the arms and the legs is so hard for me to picture and not common for someone "pretty." Usually Gary Studs will have a disfigurement that makes them more handsome and mysterious. I'm not judging this author's looks but I am saying there is an underlying sympathy and knowledge for someone with this condition. Grrrrr! Self insert!)

Personality: (What are your characters strengths, weaknesses, motivations, hobbies? Who is important to them? What do they hope for? )
Chandler is motivated by love. He has fallen for many school-girls, and does his best to look his best, bringing many ladies to his corner in the street (after school, he tends to stay out until cufew). (He's turning tricks.) He is constantly trying to play into someone's emotions, winning them over to his side of things. Persistence (or confidence, depending on the task) is another one of his main characteristics. (He can also take someone back in time to prove he is right. Or righteous.) He is often pensive, and does not deal with the rambunctious crowd of boys his age. He instead prefers to draw out fantasies of his own world in his mind, and often daydreams about the wonderful times he spends there. He is a dreamer, and believes he can change the world (after, of course, he leaves C--- for his own life abroad), despite his financial restrictions. He wants to spend his life changing this world to create his own. (Financial restrictions????? Bullcrap. Bull. Crap. He's a wealthy, little bastard. And his music is all special. Why doesn't he just Pied Piper his little ass out of town?)

He also loves to party, and hang with the more... controlled boys and girls. As long as there is music, Chandler will probably be there. (And if there are nachos, Chandler with probably eat them.)

History: What has made them who they are today?(Make this brief)
Chandler has been neglected not by his parents, but his parents' friends. (Huh? An elaboration of what the hell this means would be nice.) Although not exactly caring, his parents have tried their best to put food on the table, even though they did not particularly mind him much when he was home. Chandler has simply not been subject to love and caring, creating a somewhat confused boy who doesn't exactly know right from wrong. Therefore, he is mixed up sometimes, not exactly sure what will bring what next; not sure who to trust or believe. (Wouldn't it be easier if vampires just killed them?) He attended grade school diligently, then slowly dropped intreset as he progressed to gifted level programs. (HAW! He's gifted. So gifted he doesn't need to give a crap anymore. We've seen that before.) He has had a natural thirst for learning, but more of the bardic ways, such as singing, performing, and adventuring. He still attends school, but wastes his days writing about his new world or composing music for his saxophone. (So he's working on his own bible and hymns. Figures.)

Optional Other Info you would like to include( no pictures):
As a sum up, Chandler is a misplaced person, who does not entirely enjoy the world as the way it is (aside from the women). (He wants to fondle breasts with his tiny hands. That's his world all summed up.)

He has met magical creatures, although unknowingly. Some he has chatted with openly, and others he has spied from a distance. (And he took out the garbage for some of them.)

Eventually, Chandler himself would like to create an Irish Bardic Legue, connecting all new age bards, and storytellers, to one another. (And thus he shall spread his gospel throughout the land as each bard tells the story of how awesome the one called Chandler was. They shall sing songs of his wonderment and his skillz with the ladies. Then they shall create the Irish Bardic Society and IBS shall bind them all.)

I agree with Freaklin Gout. Chandler is a stumble on the part of the admin. He's not very deep and he is very Gary Stu-ish. He has a lot to learn about rpgs that admin ought to take charge of Stus themselves rather than letting him loose on the members. Freaklin has shown me some instances where his character has been difficult to role play with. His story changes to suit his needs which is pretty much what his "new world" shit is all about. So far it looks like Jurassic Park only scarier.

Thick-Skinned Like a Rhino's Ass

Emotions are important. They rule our lives and help us make choices. They can be an asset or a curse depending on how they manifest. As a character, emotions might allow someone to get close or be pushed away. Showing emotions could enhance or diminish relationships with other characters. Anger, anxiety, confusion, contentment, desire, despair, fear, grief, guilt, happiness, hate, hope, jealousy, longing, love, passion, resignation, revenge, sadness, shame, shock, sympathy, tenderness and worry are the spice of life, color our everyday actions and makes us do things we wouldn't normally. The risk of being too open and showing how a character truly feels can damage that character's strength and reputation depending on how deeply we recognize these feelings within us.

So why not skip them? Weaknesses are for babies. You may not be able to plot much without emotions but go right ahead and try! Create an army of dry, dull, robotic, frigid, somber, apathetic, flat cardboard Sues. See if I care?

"She is tough, and she can at times hide her emotions from others."

"Personality: (Human) Cold, Emotionless, Aloof, Genius, Strategist,calm but cares for friends(Aura Minzoku) Cold, Emotionless, Aloof, Genius,Calm Strategist but cares for friends"

"She seems cold and doesn't seem to care about him nor anyone but just hides her emotions and all..."

"Personality: Almost emotionless, he has full control of his emotions."

"Either that or she hides her emotions well."

"Personality: Is nice but quiet and emotionless."

"a highschool private school chick who likes to party, but hides her emotions."

"Personality: Cool minded, heartless and emotionless."

"She's sensitive, but hides her emotions well, and is easily angered."

"Personality: Emotionless and sinister he carries a very dark past and is shrouded in mystery though his seductive nature comes out once and a while."

"She hides her emotions and only expresses her true feelings to those she truelly trusts."

"She hides her emotions quiet well, though; due to the death of her only brother who was very dear to her,"

"She hides her emotions well on the surface and often times will appear calm and in control of herself,"

"Even though she hides her emotions, she pours all of her emotions into the lyrics that she writes for her songs."

"Personality: Calm, seemingly emotionless, thinks very tactically and mathematically, fiercly loyal."

"its kaylen, the most beautiful girl i have seen in my life, and even though she hides her emotions and feelings, She is a great person."

"Personality: His is nearly emotionless since he became a demon, though he has shown signs, more recently reguarding the elf. He is completely loyal to his friend and sevant."

"Pessimistic, an sarcastic, she hides her emotions behind her words, and very rarely, actions."

"Emotionless and a tactical mind, this AI is something you wouldn't wanna battle against."

"Quirks: She hides her emotions, everyone asks what's wrong she says nothing and leaves it at that."

"She is always on guard and alert, that is one reason she hides her emotions from others, so she has an advantage"

"However, he becomes a completely different person in combat: silent and emotionless."

"She's easily upset (she's very emotional) but hides her feelings well"

"Personality: Emotionless, merciless, this guy is more likely to rip out your throat then make a friend"

"Personality: He seems emotionless"

"lance seemed to appear beside the kid and looked at him with his emotionless eyes"

"Despite his loyalty he shields his emotions and thoughts to those he does not know."

"Personality: Intelligent, skillful but emotionless. Anybody who are weak or not useful are called TRASH. Strong and fearful but quiet."

Wouldn't those people hate the chick that belongs to this silly ass banner?

She acts like the summer and walks like rain? What is this poetry crap telling us? I used to dissect poetry in college and this imagery is losing me completely. When I think about summer, I think of it as hot. When I think of rain, I think of it as wet. I also remember that summer comes before Fall and rain actually falls. What a klutzy yet flowery whore. I don't get it.

Howling Mad at Wolfspeak

I have already mentioned that I don't get furries. They creep me out and I don't role play with them but I can still recognize Mary Sue assy-ness when I see it. Here is an issue I found in a forum that lists role playing games in a Wal-Mart sort of way. An owner of a wolf rpg was complaining about how flowery the language in wolf rpgs is getting. Others from a horse and other assorted furry forums agree that this language is annoying and those who do it must think they sound intelligent. The problem is, no one truly knows what anyone is talking about anymore.

This language shows up in rpgs I am in when werewolves show up. If this language shows up in a non-wolf/furry rpg, you can imagine how damn awful it is to try and decipher for those of us who have chosen not to role play in that genre.

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After reading a general list, I can only speculate that if you're a Wolfy Sue, you don't even have the same general body parts that normal people and animals do, nor the same genders. Here's a rundown of what I mean:

aud, audit, auditory, satalite, twin towers, caves, high-wires: ear
banner, brush, flag, streamer, tassel: tail

barrel: body
brujo/brute, mascu: male
crania/cranium, crown, dial, thinking box, tiara: head

fatale, fae, fay, fea, fem, femme, femora, alphess, alphena, vixen: female

flints, daggers, knives, ivories: claws/teeth
kissers: lips

juggler: throat
maw: mouth

mug, velveteen: muzzle
nape: neck
nare: nostril

occuli/oculi, optics, orbs, spheres, headlights, pools, lanterns: eyes

pillar, pistion: leg
talon, mitt, mitten, pad: hoof or foot

The list goes on when you get into pack order and wolf mythology but I'm not that interested in knowing more. This is enough to make me ill. I can feel the bile rising into my maw.

If you plan on doing this in an rpg, actually do some research and see if this language is used by others or if you're just amusing yourself. Using a language that no one else is will quickly help the members and staff decide if you are awesome and creative or pretentious and silly. In most cases, they won't be impressed because if they aren't doing it, there's probably a good reason. Most likely they find this nonsense unbearable or they genuinely don't get it and don't want to be bothered with it.

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Just mesh into the rpg by doing what everyone else is doing. It's the best way to make everyone happy. Keep your high-wires open, your optics wide and use your tiara. Everyone around you will be glad you did.

Bushy

First off, I have no problems with the word 'tousled.' I've just noticed that in the hands of a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, it is a very important word. It is used to described characters who are beautiful yet don't care about their appearance, a character who must smoothe it down to start a full day of being wonderful or a randy sex kitten in the throes of passion. Whatever the cause is, Mary Sues and Gary Stus always need to get a handle on that fussy hair, ruffle it up more or throw it around to make a point. As you can see, it's just one of those fun little buzzwords that Suethors latch onto.

"Kylana tossed her tousled hair over her shoulder."

"He, at least, had an anarchic streak to offset all that toussled hair, and a Caledonian accent to make him a little more interesting."

"*runs his hands through his tousled hair to fix it and gives her a wry smile and wave*"

"She smoothed her skirts and ran her fingers through her sleep toussled hair."

"Jenny smoothed her once again toussled hair and placed her toothbrush back into her blue backpack."

"Nobody who houses the god of war can be timid and weak. For nineteen years, I let him be that outspoken Asian boy whose tousled hair always got in his eyes."

"Tossing back his toussled hair, he glanced over at the Headmistress."

"She doesn’t spend a lot of time on her looks – a little chapstick is her only makeup, self painted nails that get bitten down, and carelessly tousled hair worn naturally curly."

"Other distinguishing details: High cheekbones, arched eyebrows, long eyelashes, toussled hair, large ears, impeccable set of teeth"

"His tousled hair adds to his generally unkempt appearance."

"her sleep tousled hair curled over her back as she slowly regained her thought prosses from its slowed place."

"Apperance: Black Leather Jacket with dark jeans that are all ripped up. Black tousled hair and green eyes."

"Sun sighed and ran a hand through her tousled hair."

""I know," he laughed. "I am." He reached out, ruffling her already tousled hair."

"His tousled hair and shining eyes made him seem like a truly thoughtful person."

"The wind whipped at her tousled hair as they sprinted along the beaten path, kicking up dust into the air."

"She ran a hand through her tousled hair and went to the door opening it to reveal James standing there."

"Exhaling, Michael sat up and running a hand through his tousled hair, appraised his empty room."

"Julian stared after her for a moment, his mouth half open, then suddenly laughed out loud and pulled a hand through his tousled hair, giddy with relief and a strong feeling of happiness."

"She even brushed out her tousled hair, so now it shone in long brown waves."

"Description: Squirrel girl is a cute teenage-girl with a bushy tail, small, strong claws, a retractable "knuckle spike" on each hand, an adorable overbite, tousled hair and a trimly athletic physique."

"'Huh? What?' Theo asked. He groaned, then sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair. 'Why is that I feel like I never get enough sleep?'"

"Sighing, Daniel ran his weathered but strong hands through his thick black wild mess of hair. It had been a long while since he had seen a good barber, and his tousled hair would remain so."

"She preferred the simplicity of a clean face and tousled hair."

"Even in the dim light, his winning smile and casually tousled hair struck a cord in her heart. She repressed the urge to merely demand him kiss her right then and there."

"A curly and tousled hair with the delicate color of a gentle touch of teal. It shines beautifully in the suns warming glow. A face that gives warmth to the worlds beings."

"Sliding open the windowsill, he stepped gingerly into the room, his black tousled hair a regular rats nest over his face, his three facial piercings gleaming dully in the bright moonlight."

"Clearly not completely human, this teenaged girl with brown tousled hair and green eyes was equipped with a dragon’s tail and talons."

"His tousled hair was alost glistening in the dim light, but that was because of the slowly freezing water still in the thick mop."

"Gulping he ran his hand through his tousled hair, messing it up further as he spotted Calista in front of the library."

"Nick ran a hand through his damp, tousled hair. He looked like shit. He felt like shit, too."

"His hair was tousled and shimmered in the growing sunlight, its soft feel beckoning her to touch it… just once."

I wish I had a bag of hair product swag to hand out to all these Sues who go around looking like poodles. All of this makes me feel that my own hair is inadequate. I want hair that says "come hither" to others, shows that I don't care about my appearence even though I'm still hot and it will be easily tamed when I run my hand through it. I can put up with all of this except for the bushy tail, knuckle spike and adorable overbite. Furries scare me.Have I mentioned that?