Brains and boobs? Who knew?

Sues are sassy, sarcastic, witty, keen, incisive, astute, shrewd, pointed, cunning, wise-beyond-years, edgy, acerbic, scathing and need to tell you about it all the time. It's a good thing that they are not only curvaceous, purple-eyed veelas, they have the brains to back up everything they say. Inviting interaction with a Sue can sometimes get you a good lashing from her "sharp tongue."

"She knew of the stories and legends of the warriors and enemies of Ohu, and she seemed like an intelligent little thing that possessed a sharp tongue."

"Her temper is quick to surface and quick to cool, although she is generally easygoing. She has a sharp tongue and a biting wit, using sarcasm as freely as air."

"She looked at Selene with a smirk. 'You'd best watch out around it. It has a sharp tongue and a dirty mind.'"

"Like the rest of her race, Rowyn is also very intelligent, though her cunning mind and sharp tongue can get her INTO trouble as easily as OUT of it."

"Though mostly quiet, Emma has quite a habit of lashing out a sharp tongue. It has made her many enemies, as has her blood status as a Muggle-Born."

"Peg does not have fire red hair but she does have the sharp tongue that would go with it. She is cool to a point and then the heat is raging."

"Although she can have a sharp tongue, she usually thinks before she speaks and never disobeys the leader's orders."

"She’s very open-minded though, finding vampires and werewolves to be quite civilized as long as they can hold their own against her sharp tongue."

"Poison practiced her silver, but mostly sharp, tongue on the others in their little gang, and she was a favorite."

"She has quite a sharp-tongue, and if you want sympathy from her you will have a hard time getting it."

"She is quick whitted and has a sharp tongue, meaning she sometimes can get herself into trouble."

"Phaedra is quite impulsive with her sharp tongue. She believes that whatever she thinks, she should say it aloud."

"She is perhaps best known for her fiery temper, sharp tongue, and razor wit; unfortunately, one is rarely exhibited without the others."

I could keep going with this, but I should give time to their illiterate mates; those with a "sharp tounge."

"Personality: Nice though sometimes he has a sharp tounge."

"Personality: Quiet, Patient, cunning, brave, proud, can have a sharp tounge, caring and generous to those close to her, can be shy at times, But if angered can be vicious."

"Get to know her and she's fun and freindly, get to know her a little better and she's fun friendly and has a pretty sharp tounge to boot! Get to know her as well as I have and she's a wonderfull person with a glowing personality. Wuv her :)"

"'Well well well, such a sharp tounge you have, stranger' In an instant Shadow was in front of the shadowy figure."

"Personality: Valderas has a sharp wit, and occasionally a sharp tounge. He is focused, and once he latches onto a particular objective, he does not easily let go."

"Weapons: A bow, and arrows, and her sharp tounge of course"

"She mostly has a calm and sweet nature and you do not want to see her mad. When she is she tends to have a very sharp tounge and tends to act harshly."

"She is usually quiet but has a sharp tounge and is very opinionated. She says exactly what she thinks and doesn't give a flying fart in space whether or not anyone likes it...that's just the way she is."

"PERSONALITY: amourous, loves to be in love, romantic, can be a bit mean, sarcastic, witty. She is mostly kind hearted but has a sharp tounge and a bad temper. She can be very sensitive."

"Personality: Hot headed and tempermantal, she possesses a sharp tounge and tends to be very blunt on her honesty."

"Personality- Blaize is called the Sarcastic for a reason, he is the paradigm of a verbal ironist. He allows it to get the better of him almost all of the time and all around him tend to suffer his sharp tounge."

How about some time to the sadder members of this group:

"She has no time for foolishness, she cannot stand fools, ignorance, or billigerence. She has a sharp tonge when she uses it, and has a quick mind."

Not yet. Three more.

"Dark angel was stumped she hand just met this girl and allready she was way past the espectations dark angel had set for her."Well well well thats quita sharp tong you've got there now if only you mind was just as sharp then we would get somewere."

"He has a rather sharp tong and has not jet figured out when to keep it behind his teeth."

"My for a pretty wench you have a sharp tong."

So how do you feel after spending time with a Sue's most pink and perfect asset? Well, at least one of them.

The Purple Eyes of Awesomeness

As you've all seen by now, eyes are very important to Sues. They represent a Sues deepest feelings like sadness over the fangy deaths of their parents, pride that they rule over all other characters, knowledge beyond their years along with an unrealistic attaining of said knowledge and finally the ability to be mysterious and sexy while not having to clearly define how any of that is possible.
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This is the same with purple eyes. Yes, purple eyes show up everywhere. Purple is the color of royalty and Sues parade themselves around like they are just that. Here is a list I put together after a quick Google search. You'll notice this is just purple and not all the nauseating varieties like violet, lavender, grape, hyacinth, iris, bittersweet nightshade, larkspur, lilac, mauve, periwinkle, indigo, plum, twilight, Virginia bluebell, wisteria blue, pimpernel and so on. Are you sick yet? We've just started:

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"Lucid femme with pale purple eyes and sun-lit tabby markings."
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"Here I am: Name: Ayu Age: 15 Looks: Long blond hair, purple eyes."
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"her purple eyes a nice warm shade, her purple hair in a ponytail and a couple strands of it infront of her eye"
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"Due to a weird mixture of different potions he experimented with when he was younger, his shortly cropped hair turned a permanent rich hue of purple, and so did his eyes,"
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"Too dark purple eyes blazed behind horrible scares that coverd what could been seen of his face."
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"looks: golden scales and mane and purple eyes / human shape blond hair that gose down to his weast very handsome (^^) and purple eyes"
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"Appearance: Dark Brown Hair, Purple Eyes, 5' tall, yellow jacket, maroon pants"
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"I turned onmy heel sharply, my silvery white hair flying and settling over my shoulders. My deep purple eyes flashing."
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"Physical Description- American. Tall and athletically built. Long black wavy hair down to the small of her back and light purple eyes."
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"appearence:Red dreadlock like hair,purple eyes,His old pants only inverted and Brave is in Hiragana form,Blue tanktop decorated with a picture of an Octopuss holding back a gorrila strangling a cheetah eating a rabbit,multicolored cleets"
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"Caucasian, weird green liberty spikes-dreadlock combination for hair, bright purple eyes, dark yellow tank-top, bandages around arms, dark purple baggy shorts, sandals and bandages on feet."
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"My character's name is Harumi, a 15 yr old girl who has silver shoulder length hair and purple eyes. She has the power of the stars which she has yet to discover.^^"
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"Appearance: Long crimson hair, purple eyes... somewhat like an older version of Harumi, only with a symbol of the sun on the back of her neck."
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"footsteps ring out across the ruins and a figure comes out of the smoke, dressed in black from head to foot, a long slender blade twirling in its hand a female, white skinned and white haired with bright purple eyes looking at them with intense dislike"
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"Looks- Long Brown hair with purple streaks, deep purple eyes, deeply tanned, tall, full-figured, slightly muscualr."
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"Description: A rather tall man, at 6 feet 6 inches, Coradin has graying brown hair and purple eyes."
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"She had no choice as she looked at the one walking up to her with those fiery purple eyes, hoping that he would keep his word"
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"Dracko looked outside. "Hmm..." Dracko's eyes soon bagan to fade out until his purple eyes looked white and foggy."
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"Suddenly the girl's purple eyes looked at an explosion that happened in mid air. Mirai gave a big bubbly smile while watching the eye catching explosion..."
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"Appearance: Tall, albino and skinny. Has acid green hair and purple eyes"
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"Appearance:long white hair, with purple eyes, and white clear wings like the moonlight. Wearing a long white dress with red ribbons."
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"Brody looked at her skeptically with faintly red-rimmed purple eyes. "You'd probably end up setting me on fire.""
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And, because you knew this was a possibility:
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"Physical Description: Reinna is on the short side, barely 5 feet tall. Her mother was a veela, so Reinna does have certain qualities *ahem* about her. Her hair is very long, but instead of the usual veela color, her own locks are jet black as night. Her eyes are purple, and her skin tone is light. "
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Mary Sues: Always blurring the line between grandiose and bigger than life with pomposity and pretentiousness. When you can't just be the center of attention in one respect, why not go for the mother load, pull out all the stops, flail your arms around and say, "Look at me" in every way you desperately can?

Terms, Abbreviations and Assholery: A - C

Here are some A - C definitions from The Fanfiction Glossary that I feel apply to role playing games. I like this site so much that I will bring you more later on because I like applying terms to different things I see in role playing games. It's almost like pinning a Sue down, dissecting her behaviours and labeling everything scientifically so you leave little doubt or confusion that the next bitch you encounter with these characteristics is a Sue.


ANC

"Annoying New Character" -- an author-created character who (obviously) annoys the hell out of readers. Often, but not always, a Mary Sue.

Often a Mary Sue or, perhaps, a character created by the Mary Sue author to back up the awesomeness of the Mary Sue. He/She could be a sidekick, a lover or a villain created to make the Mary Sue look shiny! And you know what? Sometimes the Suethors are sneaky and won't admit they made an ANC but when one character fawns over another for no apparent reason, yeah, they are written by the same Sue hand.


Angst

Refers to the emotional wounds suffered and/or borne by a character, especially if they spend pages moaning about their miserable life in great detail. Can add intensity to a story or turn it into one big long pityparty. Warning: angst can be addictive!

Like when vampires kill your parents. I hear that's a common occurence these days.


Annoying Original Female Character

Any Original Female Character who's, well, irritating as all hell. Usually a Mary Sue. Often abbreviated to AOFC.

Mary Sue and Annoying are redundant.


Aura Of Smooth

An imaginary energy field said to exist around blatant Mary Sues or other self-insertions. It's the only explanation for how the canon characters suddenly turn into gullible shadows of their normal selves around 'em.

Mary Sues just ooze charm, intelligence, kindness, tolerance, strength, speed and mind reading abilities. They love everyone (who adores them) and smites those who are mean to them. They even manage to stop things before they get started because that aura of smooth is so strong.


Bandom

A punnish nickname for fandoms centering around fictionalizing real-life bands like the Goo Goo Dolls, Good Charlotte, Nirvana, etc.

This is when rpgs are created to star bands like N'Sync as pirates. See also BBS.


Barbieshipper

A fan of a particular pairing that acts a particular way. Barbieshippers want their pairing to behave in an idealized fashion, and tend to throw fits if anything threatens that cherished bubble.

Like if a faery fancies a werewolf and some dude made fun of their relationship, that faery may feel such a hate for that dude that she'd bitch endlessly about him as if he were a real guy and not a character in an rpg. That faery Suethor would be a wankery barbieshipper.


BBS

Boy Band Slash, ie. NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, etc. Yes, it exists, and there's a lot of it.

Oh I know you all want me to find some of it. You're all itching to see Timberlake do it with Fatone.


BGM

Short for "background music" -- an integral part of the anime experience, for some fans.

Some Suethors use song lyrics to punctuate bios or role playing replies. If they feel bitchy it will be Avril LaVigne or if they are sad it will be Dido-- or whatever. My eyes glaze over once this shit starts.


Boyfic

A sarcastic term for stories big on action, explosions, and violence but low on character development.

I mostly see this assholery is bio forms. If a Gary Stu lists his his bastard swords in detail, names his guns or explains how supped up his penis car is, his role playing postings will be boyfiction. He'll fight thousands bad guys easily and with stoicism beyond comprehension. His sexuality will be his weapon to the poin that men and women alike want to fuck him. He's the werewolf that needs to carry an AK47 to assault people that think he's in a bad mood. I suppose if you are a Gary Stu, you don't need a personality as long as you can violently thrust poiny objects at things.



Bunny

Short for "boink bunny" -- somebody meant for casual playful sex, often in the context of a convention. Not technically a fanfic term, and not a very common one, but it does pop up!

This is another term for a Tootsietramp. This Mary Sue or Gary Stu will make it a poin in their bios to say they find anything attractive and will crawl into bed with it. Like a veela or a part veela, they will fuck anything because it's the way they were made.


Clone

In an online RPG, a duplicate created of a character who is still active -- either an innocent mistake or a vicious attempt at an override, but either way a big no-no. In some games, this term can blur to mean any duplicate of any character, active or retired.

You know... if you make an imp and then someone else also comes along and makes an imp almost exactly like yours, or you make a character who gains more magic by doing something original and someone comes along with a character who tries your idea and runs with it like it belonged to them in the first place? Do I sound bitter?



Cocooning

Like 'shipping but more so -- it refers to a practice wherein two roleplayers seek out or fall into a pairing (or multiple pairings) so tight that they stop roleplaying with others. A very negative term.


This may seem rude to those on the outside but I found it a salvation to only roleplay with my friends because I was drowning in a sea of Mary Sues. My friends and I write the same way, we understand each others characters and we respect each other's characters. Negative or not, it's wonderful to role play with people who get you.

Bangers and Slash

Haven't had enough Draco slash stories yet? Here's a German Yahoo club devoted to our favorite little, part Veela boy slut and all the fanfiction whore-ness you can tolerate!

Herzlich Willkommen bei der Harry Draco Slash Group!

Hier dreht sich, wie der Name schon sagt, nur um Harry und Draco.

Als Mitglied könnt ihr hier eure selbstgeschriebenen Fanfics und Zeichnungen posten.

Zudem haben wir noch eine Partnergroup, in der wir ein RPG angefangen haben.

Zum RPG!

What does this say? I don't know. I don't speak German but I did run this club description through Babelfish:

Cordially welcomes with the Harry Draco Slash Group!

Here turns, as the name already says, only around Harry and Draco.

As a member can do you here your self-written Fanfics and designs posts.

Besides we have still another Partnergroup, in which we began a RPG.

To the RPG!

And now? ZUM RPG!

For those of you who haven't read Harry Potter, in book 4 Draco Malfoy was turned into ferret by Mad Eye Moody (Sort of. Just read the book if you want to know the whole story.) I just wanted to tell you that so you aren't worried that Harry is going to fuck that horny, little ferret for no reason. Harry most certainly has a reason for fucking it!

Here's is the rpg's "Beschreibung:"

Hallöchen!

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Dies hier ist das offizielle RPG zu hpdmslash. Wie der Name schon sagt, wird hier nur gespielt ^.^

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Viel Spaß!

Rebi ^.^

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PS: Vergesst bitte nicht, dies hier ist ein RPG! Es lebt von der Aktivität der Mitglieder!

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And auf Babelfish Englisch?

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Halloechen!

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This here is the official RPG too hpdmslash. As the name already says, here only easily ^. ^

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Much fun!

Rebi ^. ^

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HP: Do not forget please, this is a RPG here! It lives on the activity of the members!

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This club is no longer active. Too bad, huh? I can't even get in to show you all snippets of the slash activity. You'll just have to imagine Draco and Harry doing it.

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But I do have a new edition of my Unfortunate Typos segment. This comes from a Christian rpg where assassins, elves, witches, fairies and the like romp through forests, fight with magic, carry guns and live by the bible. I found this bio and I thought you might enjoy it:

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"John Alexander Pain
Gender: Male

Age: 50

Favored gun: a handheld M242 25mm chain gun in the shape of a cross

Affliction: Catholic Church"

It's not easy being veela... even though veelas are totally easy!

If you aren't a Harry Potter fan you may just be asking yourself what a veela is. A veela is a fairy but in the Harry Potter universe they have been contorted into something else. Veelas are like the Paris Hiltons of the fairy world. They are blonde, blue eyed and will hop into bed with anyone. In the books we meet two known part veelas: Fleur Delacour and her sister Gabrielle. It's also hinted that Narcissa Malfoy looks like a veela so Draco may also have veela blood. Who the hell really knows? But it sure does make for some twisted fanfiction and rpg Mary Sues.

Check out these quotes I've taken from a short and simple Google search that shows how many Mary Sues claim veelas as part of their lineage in order to boost their slut appeal:

"Lia looks every bit the part veela that she is."

"Sometimes, she loved being part Veela, it was always amuzing to see guys reactions as you walked past."

"It was part of the package of being a Veela the heritage that was hers."

"As a result of this, she is part veela, part witch, and is considered a half-blood to the pure-blooded folk."

"Draco Malfoy is a part Veela who has just come into his Veela Inheritance to discover that his mate is none other than Harry Potter."

"Despite how loving and happy her home was, Kiss always struggled with the attention being part veela got her."

"Being part veela, people's eyes sometimes tended to wander towards her anyway."

"Alegra decided that since the item was usually something students didn't acquire she walked to the counter but manipulated her movements ever so slightly with the attraction harnessed by the Veela blood inherited from her grandmother."

"How could I have never told her that I was part Veela?"

"Draco is part Veela and goes into heat, one thing leads to another, now Draco is pregnant. When his father banishes him for not giving up the child, Draco has nowhere to go but to Professor Snape. Will Ron ever find out hes the father?"

"Looks: tall-ish, wavy blond hair, silver blue eyes, and an athletic body type. She is part Veela."

"The moment that his fingers left it and he realized that it had not yet gone off in a fiery blaze in his face, an enormous breath of relief whooshed out of the part-veela’s mouth."

"Arabelle is known througout Hogwarts to be one of the most attractive girls there mostly because shes part veela."

"She is remembered there for her beauty and being the first person with more than 1/16th veela blood to have attended since the 1800s. (She is 1/8th veela.)"

"Irish,Italian,French,American, she also has a bit of veela in her."

"but many people are blinded by her beauty (not being bigheaded - she's an 8th veela)"

"Special Talents: Genevieve has part Veela in her (her mothers side) so she can easily charm boys."

"Her mother, Alexxia, was half-Veela, her father an Auror."

"Family: Mum-Maire Ash, dad-Jackson Ash. Marie is half veela [which makes Jessica part veela also]."

"That's what anyone would notice when first gazing upon the girl. Then they would notice that she's pretty. Whether she likes it or not, she got her looks from her Grandmother, who was a veela."

"In March of 1989, Kensie James was born into an already large family. In addition to her father, a muggleborn Englishman, her mother, a half veela, half pure Scottish woman, she had eight siblings, all of which were always willing to give her a piggyback ride or let her talk their ear off about the most obscure of things."

"Bio: Left on the doorstep of her adoptive parents as a baby, no one really knows where she comes from. All is known about Rye's origin is that she is part Veela and the daughter of the murderer, Sirius Black."

"Turns out, somewhere back, veela blood got into their blood, making them part veela."

"You're the perfect girl, I don't care if you're part veela, all I see is you, and no one else."

"Lena narrowed her eyes at Victoire's last comment. 'I know how hard it is, Victoire; I've felt it. It's called sexual tension. The fact that you're part Veela makes no difference in that whatsoever.'"

"History: Transfered from the great french school of beauxbatons in her 3rd year. She speaks french/english and is part veela."

"He stares at her a moment dazed by her veela-ness."

"Looks: Delia is part Veela, but very modest about it."

"'What? No, I think you have angelic eyes—'
'That of a maiden veela,' added George gallantly."

"Her mother is part veela so Natalie gets the prettiness from her."

"Notable Qualities: One of the top Ravenclaws at Hogwarts, one of the most poised students at Hogwarts, Part veela,Raised in a Slytherin family, racist against Mudbloods, duh."

AND......

WAIT FOR IT.....






"Maria is a Vampire, plus she is part Veela. When Maria was a little girl, her parents died in front of her. She was then taken away and was bitten by a vampire and was forced to be one."

SON OF A BITCH!!!! Vampires killed her veela parents??? They are such assholes! Now she's a vampire veela witch. She's just more amazingly awesome than someone who is awesomely amazing.

'Veela-ness' is like an STD. Expect characters with this trait to mention it all the time, flirt with every male character in the rpg and be angry at the female characters in the rpg who aren't jealous of the part veela's beauty. Overall, any character who is part veela is usually just a one trick whore.

Mary Sue Jokes: Part One

Why do Mary Sues always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken because they are all supermodels or are part Veela.

~*~

Mary Sue goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" She replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother was killed by vampires!" The boss, feeling very sorry for this tragic Mary Sue, says, "Why don't you go home for the day. We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Mary Sue calms herself because she's very strong in the face of all adversity and calmly states, "No. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here. I am a typical Mary Sue, after all. Drama is a part of my life." The boss nods. "If you need anything just let me know." A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Mary Sue. He finds her crying hysterically. He rushes over and asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Mary Sue breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom was killed by vampires too!!!"

~*~

Mary Sue just got a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

~*~

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and, with his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual Mary Sue jokes. Just then a stunning girl wearing a green dress, with floor length auburn hair and fairy wings in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your Mary Sue jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype us that way? What does the unrealistic color of a person's hair or eyes, the unfair advantages we give ourselves, the relationships we have with canons and the selfish way we role play have to do with our worth as human beings? It's guys like you who keep Mary Sues like me from being taken seriously and treated like the fairy princesses we are. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only mary Sues, but Gary Stus as well, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and she yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."

~*~

Did you hear about the incredibly buxom Mary Sue who lost the breast stroke swimming competition? She complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

~*~

Kawaii Sue comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mom and says: "Mommy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm kawaii?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're kawaii." The mom says.

Next day, Kawaii Sue comes back from school and says, "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm kawaii, mommy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're kawaii." The mom says.

Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming. All the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive rack at her mommy. "Is that because I'm kawaii, mommy?"

"Yes darling, and it's also because you're 25."

~*~

One day I was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A Mary Sue walked by, noticed me, and started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what I was saying. I heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The Mary Sue kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over her and I laughed. When the train ended, I jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."