Leggo That Neko!

Just when you thought Kawaii couldn't get any weirder, here I am to bring you more proof of what's wrong with it. Here are some more terms you need to know about anime:

Neko - Not a candy

Cat ears. We've all laughed at rpg characters with them but what is the story? Why are there so many cat boys and cat girls sneaking into every aspect of rpg culture? The term for this is 'neko' which means 'cat' in Japanese. I suppose there could be many really good reasons why neko isn't creepy but I'm not buying any of them.

Supposedly it has nothing to do with being a furry. I haven't found anything that solidly defines the distinction between having cat ears not being a furry. It seems, just having cat ears, purring and licking oneself is not at all like a furry even though furries have been known to have cat's ears, purr and lick themselves. Not at all similar though. Stop being confused!

There is a feeling that having cat ears shows one's virginity and innocence. Usually characters with cat ears are very childish or cute. Kawaii is all about being cute and child-like but that doesn't at all explain the sexpot neko characters with giant breasts, guns on each hip and sultry, sleek cat ears. These characters with feline traits are mysterious and slinky. Perhaps they are the natural evolution of little kitten-human babies all grown up and ready for some pouncing.

Cat eared people, being like cats, may have attributes such as being seductive, patient, graceful, sly, agile, stealthy and dangerous when the claws come out. Since many cultures revere cats, these wanna-bes often have supernatural powers such as superhuman strength, psychic abilities and many lives to fall back on. What more could a Mary Sue want?

Chibi!

Do not confuse chibi with neko even though the two can occur at the same time. 'Chibi' means "small child" or "short person." This is a supercute form of a grown character. This would be the child version of an adult that appears for no obvious reason other than to wring out the cuteness until there is no more. An rpg with a chibi theme might have one or all of the normal grown characters (sometimes canons) appearing as babies.

How cute would it be to fully analyze a diaper fetish? Wheeee! Harry Potter may have a diaper rash and Little Hermione might have to pull off his diaper and rub ointment all over his wittle, baby bottom. Seriously, children are not off limits sexually when it comes to chibi. All you need to do is slap some fake cat ears on that baby and start masturbating.

SD Does Not Mean "Scary, Deeply" But Should

Super Deformed, or SD, refers to the way a character is changed to make them look younger or cuter. This would be the giant soccer ball eyes and the huge, lolling head that couldn't possibly be supported by the neck it's attached to. This type of thing makes banner and avatar artists go all squee when they get to make deformed, anime babies for themselves and other players.

Explanations

I don't have any. I haven't seen the decent side to any of this. In every circumstance where I've come aross neko, chibi or Super Deformation, it's all about children and sex. There is nothing cute about any of this. I'll read any opposing arguments that anybody has but it will take a lot for me to not be completely yucked out by it all.

Dancing with the Mary Sues

We already know she's stronger than she looks but how does she look? Besides the curves, the stunning eyes and the flowing tresses, what does she have left? Legs? Thighs? Arms? Butt? Belly? How do these things all fit together on a Mary Sue's beautiful body? What body does that leave her? With the body of a dancer. Or a dancer's body if you're nitpicky.

"Most say she has the body of a dancer, with long agile legs, small chest and graceful features. She moves with a feline grace."

"She has the body of a dancer, and moves like one, with muscles strong but unseen beneath her pale flesh."

"She has the body of a dancer. Her normal dress is either loose flowing skirts that are easy to move in and peasant tops or soft leather pants and a peasant top."

"She has long, thick blonde hair she prefers to wear loose and straight, and bright blue eyes. Standing at 5’7", she has the body of a dancer: soft curves, skinny legs, and a long neck."

"Description: Eli’s hair about waist length and is always gets blown in the wind; she is tall and beautiful, and she has the body of a dancer."

"Skin is pale...but not as pale as her families. You can tell she's been out in the sun for a while. She's got the body of a dancer: lithe and with long legs. She stands at 5'9"."

"She holds her self with dignaty and grace... most of the time. She has the body of a dancer, very will toned all over and slender. Portrayed by: Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana."

"Inside was a young woman, probably Orpheus’s age or a bit younger, long black hair that looked to be her natural color rather they dyed and a slim and slender body of a dancer."

"Sylvana is physically tall and slender, with what some might call the body of a dancer. Though she is fit, its quite difficult to tell, and therefore others are often misled to think that she is of average fitness, when she is closer to that of an athlete, not a professional one though."

"Physical Attributes: She is small and petite. She is very attractive and has the lean, curvy body of a dancer."

"Elspeth is tall and slender; the body of a dancer. She has long brown hair, and has pale, freckle-less skin. She has large, very dark brown eyes that always seem to be searching for something. She has full lips, and a thin nose. She speaks with an American accent."

"She is wonderfully beautiful, with the body of a dancer and skin that is absolutely flawless."

"He has the body of a dancer, tall, lean and muscular, Muscles are very well defined because of his lack of body fat."

"At 16 years old, Kelsie was the object of affection to nearly every man in her class, including teachers. The body of a dancer and the personality to match it."

"Sloan stands at about 5'5, has the body of a dancer and the face of an angel..and she certainly knows how to work all of that into her own little manipulating package. She has a set of big brown eyes that can bring a man to his knees just by her fluttering her eyelashes and a smile that could stop traffic from blocks away."

"Alexa is shorter than most people, but she has a dancer's body: compact, lithe, and beautiful. Her emerald green eyes flash with anger or sparkle with happiness, and her intricately braided long red hair swirls and sways with her movements."

"Appearance: She has a very feminine, curvy figure with an exotic accent, though she has a dancer's body."

What does Harry Potter think of this Mary Sue? He doesn't have to decide. She'll tell him.

"When she thought she was just another just another muggle she did ballet and she has the body of a dancer. She is skinny weighing in at an even 100 pounds but she is rather small only about 5’0" in height (Therefore making her as Harry puts it "Exceptionally good at dodging bludgers)."

What's Black & White and Gary Stu All Over?

I've tried. I really have. I've done everything short of actually joining a furry rpg and attempting to play. I've read through tons of furry rpgs and sat in judgment about why they like this sort of thing and I still come back confused by it. This bio is no help in my understanding of how mystical and magical it may be to associate oneself with an animal. I still find it all very silly.

Name: Issaeor Eschill (Ess-shill) (How do you say his first name? I see it as Eye Sore)
Age: 25
Species: Emperor Penguin (LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! Furries are so weird.)

Height: 5'5"
Weight: 145 lbs
Fur or skin description: Black head and back with furlike feathers. He has an elongated face and the standard bird beak-like mouth (Which moves to speak with lips, etc.) (Penguins don't have lips. They really don't. Beaks are lipless. Have I mentioned furries are weird?) He had a white chest and, unlike most of his kind, he is thin and fit. (Yeah. Those other chubby penguins who use their fat to stay warm are losers.) He had yellow feathers behind his eyes leading to his chin. His feathery hair is only a bit of a puff off of the top of his head, which he keeps well-groomed. His finlike arms are kept shiny and clean. He limps on his left leg. (Snowboarding accident?)

Eye color(s): Yellow (With little, yellow flecks in them.)
Nationality: Junswu (Born Arciti) (Terrible neighborhood, as I understand it. Lots of penguin drugs and penguin crimes.)

Personality: Issaeor is optimistic and friendly, although he is a bit shy. It takes him a while to get used to people, but if something strikes his curiosity or interest, he becomes more open (Which isn't difficult.) (All you really need are a few shiny pebbles.) He is aware of how awkward he acts and looks and often uses it to break awkward moments with humor. (Eye Sore: "If I even look at another krill, the weight will go straight to my hips.")

History: Issaeor's father abandoned him after his mother was killed by a Seal, (A VAMPIRE SEAL!) for he had no way to feed his son or himself without Issaeor's mother. (She sure did bring home the krill.) He lived alone, scrummaging for what he could eat and use to survive for a year, eventually breaking his leg. (In a really, terrible snowboarding accident!) He was adopted by a pair that had lost their chick to the cold, and was raised by them, growing stronger. When he finally reached adolescence and was to live on his won, however, his adoptive father brought him to a Husky trading port, where a Tiger named Khable made him his apprentice. (An apprentice what? Seriously, before you read further, consider what is happening here. A tiger is training a penguin to be an apprentice. What sort of job could this possibly be? Just guess.) Issaeor learned to become a Magi and grew up in Junswu. (A Magi??? Of course? I bet your answer seems silly now, doesn't it?) Now, in order to join his mentor's Order, he has to travel for ten years and see the world, which he intends to do.

Occupation: Magi-for-hire (I was guessing that the tiger was going to teach him to taste good but what do I know?)
Class: Magi (Or else I was imagining the tiger teaching the penguin how to bring down an antelope or something. I will just never understand furries.)

Powers: As he was taught by Junswu Magi, his spells tend to deal in extremes. His magic is very potent, but also requires a great deal of energy. His emotions and personality usually deals in healing, traps, and boosting abilities. (Huh? What sort of magic does he do? I'm reading this as: He has great powers. Wondrous powers. Amazingly, cool powers. And on the side he heals, traps and boosts abilities because that's where his personality and emotions lie or excel or whatever. I don't know. I think he just gave himself free license to Gary Stu without telling us how he plans on doing it. He'll just pull random magic out of his little penguin ass.)

Weapons: Issaeor wields a scimitar and a pistol. (LOL! He carries weapons? Little, tiny weapons fitted to his little, tiny wings? Wait! If I find that even the little, tiniest bit cute, does that mean I like furries now? Damn it!)

Skills: Junswu Magi powers; (Which are..... what?) proficient with Scimitar and similar swords; proficient with pistol (Just picture it! His little, tiny, feathery wings wrapped around around a scimitar or squeezing on the trigger of a pistol. It's sort of adorable. Lord help me.)

That's My Name, Don't Take a Crap On It

I've only shown you a few scifi rpgs/bios so I dredged up another. This bio comes from an interesting forum where random rpgs are set up all the time. One person will start a thread with the scenario of the rpg and a bio form. Others who want to be a part of that rpg will reply with a bio and then when enough characters are available, the role playing game will start spontaneously. It's kind of cool. If you can keep it straight, you can be involved in several rpgs all on one site and each rpg will (ideally) come to a logical conclusion. When it's over, you just search out a new rpg. No big deal.

In this rpg, aliens came to Earth and accidentally made the human race sick. They try to help a small group of humans by giving them an extra circulatory system. This new race is called "Hemophoric" and their blood helped cure the human race but now some humans are addicted to these Hemophorics. These special humans are trotted around like whores... unless, of course, you are a Mary Sue who is wise, strong and just more awesome than someone awesome!

Name: Cadence Strong
Age: 16
Race/Species: Hemophoric
Side: anti-Hemophorin
Appearance: She has wavy red hair that ends just below her shoulders and light brown/golden-y eyes. (Golden-y eyes? No flecks? I feel cheated.) She usually wears autumn colors (yellow, orange, or red)(Great colors to where when one is hiding!) and sweatshirts/long-sleeved t-shirts or jeans (wears extra to cover up her second circulatory system, which, like a regular person can see their veins, people can see). Average height and weight, and because she’s athletic she’s strong and fit. Very friendly looking. (She's a little Kawaii: spazzy and childish. She's not at all effected by her circumstances because she barely understands them.)

Personality: Outgoing and laid-back, she’s quite the opposite of her best friend, Amelia. She doesn’t care what people think of her, much to Amelia’s dismay. She can keep a secret very well (more about that later) and is very ambitious. She has the same desire to prove herself as Amelia does, but for an entirely different reason. Hides behind a mask of joviality, is actually angry and disgusted with herself. (Oh! She is emo Kawaii. That's hard to pull off.)

Biography: Her parents were killed because they both had the extra circulatory system (they both dealt in the market for awhile, but wanted out because they didn’t want to get their daughter involved in it, too; no one knows what happened to their bodies – and NO, I’m not planning on having them show up surprisingly and say "Oh, no, we weren’t really killed" so don’t worry, they really are dead). (This doesn't get her out of being a Mary Sue. I'll deduct half a point.) She went to the same orphanage as Amelia and both were adopted by families in the same town. Her adoptive parents don’t know about her second circulatory system because she’s learned to hide it so well, but she’s always trying to prove that she isn’t like the rest of the hemophorics. She wants to prove that she can overcome the general prejudice of them. (I'm already prejudiced about the way she is. She's lively, smart, bouncy, athletic, friendly and drop dead gorgeous. But that's just a Mary Sue. I hate to point out that overcoming a prejudice about being a hemophoric means telling everyone what she is. Oops!)

Powers: Slight enhanced senses, or whatever the hemophorics can do. (The author didn't even pay attention to the premise of the story? That's a very bad sign.) Perhaps each should be particularly adept in only one certain area; for example, one hemophoric has a very sharp sense of smell. In that case, her special sense would be hearing. (Oh... now we are rewriting the premise to suit ourselves?) Also, very athletic and involved in sports. (Also, very pathetic and involved with dorks.)

Weaknesses: Chocolate milk. No, I’m not joking – she’s allergic to it but loves it (how can you NOT love chocolate milk?). (For real? She's gonna do that? Some fancy schmancy hemophoric is lactose intolerant? A glass of chocolate milk will bring her down? It's her kryptonite?) Also, very sensitive when it comes to her heritage. (Yeah! Don't hate her because she's awesome!) Because she has good hearing, loud noises frighten her, really hurt her ears, and make her a bit deaf sometimes (like if you suddenly see a really bright light, it takes your eyes some time to adjust). (So Mariah Carey is also her kryptonite?) Deathly afraid of worms. (She gonna be the worm face! But seriously, this chick has no actual weaknesses.) Doesn’t like addicts to hemophorin. (Again, some chocolate milk, loud noises, a handful of fishing bait and some harsh words will make her sweat? Nothing will actually beat her if she's attacked. The sheer power of her Mary Sueness will protect her from everything.)

~~~

Worms are very scary and dangerous, mind you. Just so you know. They're slimy and evil and I'm sure they're trying to take over the world. (Aw, damn, she's a cutesy little emo, Kawaii, scifi teenager. I hope she brings up her irrational fear of night crawlers a lot for comedy relief. I really do.)

Writing profiles is very fun. Get a chance to exercise my writing skills, and it's something to do when you've got writer's block. (You know what's also great for writer's block? Obstacles. Sure, you have the whole "afraid to show your identity" thing but beyond that, it doesn't mean crap if that character isn't in any danger of being exposed. Danger is conflict which is a thing stories need. Standing around and being cutesy and untouchable gets old real fast.)

Just like the vampire who hates being a vampire, this chick seeks to straddle both sides of the conflict. Her character has a bubble around her that keeps her away from any real plot development. This story didn't last long but she spent most of it speaking in baby talk to her friend Amelia. The real action centered around the people who actually did want to put their characters on the line, expose them to threats and take some blows. Not skip around and be wonderful.

Cadence, I chose you for your name and you have sorely let me down. The next Cadence I find better have some balls.