Howling Mad at Wolfspeak

I have already mentioned that I don't get furries. They creep me out and I don't role play with them but I can still recognize Mary Sue assy-ness when I see it. Here is an issue I found in a forum that lists role playing games in a Wal-Mart sort of way. An owner of a wolf rpg was complaining about how flowery the language in wolf rpgs is getting. Others from a horse and other assorted furry forums agree that this language is annoying and those who do it must think they sound intelligent. The problem is, no one truly knows what anyone is talking about anymore.

This language shows up in rpgs I am in when werewolves show up. If this language shows up in a non-wolf/furry rpg, you can imagine how damn awful it is to try and decipher for those of us who have chosen not to role play in that genre.

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After reading a general list, I can only speculate that if you're a Wolfy Sue, you don't even have the same general body parts that normal people and animals do, nor the same genders. Here's a rundown of what I mean:

aud, audit, auditory, satalite, twin towers, caves, high-wires: ear
banner, brush, flag, streamer, tassel: tail

barrel: body
brujo/brute, mascu: male
crania/cranium, crown, dial, thinking box, tiara: head

fatale, fae, fay, fea, fem, femme, femora, alphess, alphena, vixen: female

flints, daggers, knives, ivories: claws/teeth
kissers: lips

juggler: throat
maw: mouth

mug, velveteen: muzzle
nape: neck
nare: nostril

occuli/oculi, optics, orbs, spheres, headlights, pools, lanterns: eyes

pillar, pistion: leg
talon, mitt, mitten, pad: hoof or foot

The list goes on when you get into pack order and wolf mythology but I'm not that interested in knowing more. This is enough to make me ill. I can feel the bile rising into my maw.

If you plan on doing this in an rpg, actually do some research and see if this language is used by others or if you're just amusing yourself. Using a language that no one else is will quickly help the members and staff decide if you are awesome and creative or pretentious and silly. In most cases, they won't be impressed because if they aren't doing it, there's probably a good reason. Most likely they find this nonsense unbearable or they genuinely don't get it and don't want to be bothered with it.

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Just mesh into the rpg by doing what everyone else is doing. It's the best way to make everyone happy. Keep your high-wires open, your optics wide and use your tiara. Everyone around you will be glad you did.

What Would Mark Twain Do?

Have you ever wondered what Mark Twain would say if he were a role player or owned a role playing game? How would he conduct himself and how can we be positive he'd create an interesting character? Sure! We all have pondered about that. I think I can help answer this.

Mark Twain hated author James Fenimore Cooper. He hated him so much that he wrote an article called "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses" where he completely tore apart the stuff he didn't like about Cooper's novels. He didn't even care that Cooper was dead when Twain wrote this because that's how he is! No holds barred!

I know this article refers strictly to fiction writing but I've plucked out parts that could be translated into role playing and I don't even care that Mark Twain is dead because that's how I am. I am positive Twain would agree if these were the no no rules he created for his rpg.

2. They require that the episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help to develop it.

Think of "episodes" as threads in an rpg. Threads ought to work like scenes in a movie. Something important should happen in each one. Things should be exciting and take the characters someplace fun. The end result should leaves the characters wanting more. Eliminate the dull, boring and pointless things that make some rpgs mundane like getting to know a girl by asking her what her favorite color is or what city she grew up in.

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

Don't make characters that are boring, shy or asleep due to a wonky spell so often that they are mistaken for dead people.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.

Make sure everyone in a thread is there to do something useful. Don't drop in and offer nothing but wasted space just to up your post count.

5. They require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.

Stop talking. Don't drag out a scene if the passion and enthusiasm died out long ago. Just say goodbye if all has been done and said. If you do decide to throw something in to make it more exciting, be sure that new element is actually thrilling and not a half-assed attempt at excitement.

8. They require that crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader.

The reader or the other people in the thread. "Crass stupidities" can mean lots of things here. Take what you want. I choose to believe it means don't turn back time to take a parting shot at the character that left already. Or ripping the hoodie off someone's body after they said don't do that. Or pouting and saying that you are going back to the tavern only to return and muck up the scene with more pouting. I could go on but the point is made. Crass stupidities covers lots of territory but can be easily recognized by everyone.

9. They require that the personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.

Don't suddenly create a full family tree with members out to kill you but it's okay because you're suddenly aware you have mad kung fu fairy fighting skillz.

10. They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones.

It's really true that if you tell someone to love your character, they won't. You have to earn that love. And if you create a mean character, also, don't demand that everyone love her. Make these things happen through character interactions. Stomping your feet around and crying won't make anyone love you, just walk away quickly.

In addition to these large rules there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

Don't be shy. Don't be incoherent either. Be open and meaningful and not afraid to engage others.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

Affiliation/Affliction

14. Eschew surplusage.

No one really cares about your character's hair, how they are breathing or what they had for breakfast if they asked your character what his or her name is. Get to the point.

15. Not omit necessary details.

Like inheriting a sword after you died.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

Don't say, "She sat on a swigs and herd a noise behing her."

17. Use good grammar.

Than you can be better then everyone else.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

Too much wallowing in a character's past will completely stop an character from moving forward. If they can't say what needs to be said do what needs to be done and just wants to sit on a dock staring at water and thinking about her dead family, she's not going any place. If she wants to dwell on the complexities of life and death, where we go when we die, why didn't she die too and what will become of her now, she'll have a rough time having a simple and straightforward conversation with any one attempting to get involved with her.

He would make an excellent rpg owner and keep those crass stupidities out. He'd monitor those deadly boring characters that flop around in scenes for no obvious reason. Twain would keep all plots on task and not veering off into Mary Sue showcasing.

Watch out for these things improbable miracles, get to that discoverable purpose and stop talking when there is nothing to say. If you can't, ask me what white washing is. It's something you'll like.

Getting Jossed

Have you been Jossed? It can happen to anyone at anytime and anywhere-- providing you are role playing or writing fanfictions based on a TV show, movie or books that takes place have a series format.

This term is named for Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Originating in fanfics but able to carry over into rpgs, "getting Jossed" refers to the moment when something you've written is completely invalidated during the course of the series. Say that you wrote that your character is the child of Spike and Druscilla but then we learn that vampires can't have kids-- except that one time Angel and Darla did but that doesn't count. Anyway, you've been Jossed because unless the circumstances are special, there is no way in Hell that Spike and Dru could naturally have a vampire child.

Possible Origins

Sometimes a series will forget it's own bible, have a brain fart or just decide to totally change an established story or fact to make it go into a different direction. On Buffy, when Angel and Spike get together for the first time on screen Spike is blathering on and on about how he's disappointed that Angel seems to be good now and he says Angel was his sire. He looked up to him like a father after Angel turned him into a vampire taught him about how to stalk and kill people.

RPGs and fanfictions all over the internet were writing stories about the stalking days of these two when, oops! Joss Whedon went and made an episode where Spikey boy was actually sired by Druscilla. Technically this Jossing was Joss' fault but every Jossing since has been due to overzealous writers in rpg and fanfiction forums.

Jossed by J.K. and Others

Since getting Jossed can happen with any medium that is a series, we can look at the Harry Potter series where lots of Mary Sues were deeply shocked about a certain fact that they'd all guessed about. A character was introduced to the story named Blaise Zabini. The only information that readers were given was that Blaise was a Slytherin. Shortly thereafter, fanfictions and rpg sites were crammed with characters named Blaise Zabini who was hot, gothie Slytherin chick that wanted to jump Draco Malfoy. But then Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince came out and all those characters were rendered obsolete. Turns out Blaise is a black boy who doesn't exactly agree with anything Draco Malfoy says.

In every series there are other forms of this term but the most common word I've seen is Jossed. Dr. Who fans like "Russeled" after Russel T. Davies and perhaps some Harry Potter fans like the term JKed. I think I just like the way it sounds to yell, "Dude, you've been Jossed!"

The Other (and Way Wrong) Definitions

There is a bit of controversy about the meaning of getting Jossed but any other definition that's different from the one I gave you is wrong. Because I say so. And many people agree with me. So there.

Some purists believe that instances like the one I mentioned with Spike not being sired by Angel is the true meaning of being Jossed. That would make it even more rare and less likely to give you moments of pleasure when pointing and laughing at another person who has been Jossed.

The most absurd theory is that getting Jossed has an almost opposite meaning. Some morons think that getting Jossed is when the writers of a series are actually out scouring the forums, reading fanfictions and rpgs and getting ideas for the series because they have no imaginations of their own. Right. If you say that Angel could smell Wesley on Lilah and then on the show Angel says that to Lilah, it just means that it's not out of the realm of possibility to believe that vampires have super sniffers and can smell sex on a person. If you're patting yourself on the back because you guessed that Harry Potter would have a son, remember that if Harry Potter were to have child, there is a 50% chance it will be male and J.K. didn't actually get the idea for that by reading your story online.

Then What is Whedoning?

Whedoning is not to be confused with getting Jossed. It's an entirely different thing. Whedoning occurs when something incredibly awesome and squee-worthy happens to a character and then they are killed in a horrible, crushing way. Tara McClay was Whedoned on Buffy when she got back together with Willow and they had sex all night long and in the morning Warren accidentally shot Tara dead.

Getting Jossed is Part of a Journey

Don't get sad if your hopes, beliefs, theories and wild imaginations are proven wrong. So what if your character becomes a part of a alternate universe rather than part of canon world? It's all a game and playing a character that no longer exists or using an idea that is not based in fact anymore brings more unpredictability to the plot lines. If it happens to you, just roll with it. If nothing else, it will free your character up for greater things later on.

Bushy

First off, I have no problems with the word 'tousled.' I've just noticed that in the hands of a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, it is a very important word. It is used to described characters who are beautiful yet don't care about their appearance, a character who must smoothe it down to start a full day of being wonderful or a randy sex kitten in the throes of passion. Whatever the cause is, Mary Sues and Gary Stus always need to get a handle on that fussy hair, ruffle it up more or throw it around to make a point. As you can see, it's just one of those fun little buzzwords that Suethors latch onto.

"Kylana tossed her tousled hair over her shoulder."

"He, at least, had an anarchic streak to offset all that toussled hair, and a Caledonian accent to make him a little more interesting."

"*runs his hands through his tousled hair to fix it and gives her a wry smile and wave*"

"She smoothed her skirts and ran her fingers through her sleep toussled hair."

"Jenny smoothed her once again toussled hair and placed her toothbrush back into her blue backpack."

"Nobody who houses the god of war can be timid and weak. For nineteen years, I let him be that outspoken Asian boy whose tousled hair always got in his eyes."

"Tossing back his toussled hair, he glanced over at the Headmistress."

"She doesn’t spend a lot of time on her looks – a little chapstick is her only makeup, self painted nails that get bitten down, and carelessly tousled hair worn naturally curly."

"Other distinguishing details: High cheekbones, arched eyebrows, long eyelashes, toussled hair, large ears, impeccable set of teeth"

"His tousled hair adds to his generally unkempt appearance."

"her sleep tousled hair curled over her back as she slowly regained her thought prosses from its slowed place."

"Apperance: Black Leather Jacket with dark jeans that are all ripped up. Black tousled hair and green eyes."

"Sun sighed and ran a hand through her tousled hair."

""I know," he laughed. "I am." He reached out, ruffling her already tousled hair."

"His tousled hair and shining eyes made him seem like a truly thoughtful person."

"The wind whipped at her tousled hair as they sprinted along the beaten path, kicking up dust into the air."

"She ran a hand through her tousled hair and went to the door opening it to reveal James standing there."

"Exhaling, Michael sat up and running a hand through his tousled hair, appraised his empty room."

"Julian stared after her for a moment, his mouth half open, then suddenly laughed out loud and pulled a hand through his tousled hair, giddy with relief and a strong feeling of happiness."

"She even brushed out her tousled hair, so now it shone in long brown waves."

"Description: Squirrel girl is a cute teenage-girl with a bushy tail, small, strong claws, a retractable "knuckle spike" on each hand, an adorable overbite, tousled hair and a trimly athletic physique."

"'Huh? What?' Theo asked. He groaned, then sat up, running a hand through his tousled hair. 'Why is that I feel like I never get enough sleep?'"

"Sighing, Daniel ran his weathered but strong hands through his thick black wild mess of hair. It had been a long while since he had seen a good barber, and his tousled hair would remain so."

"She preferred the simplicity of a clean face and tousled hair."

"Even in the dim light, his winning smile and casually tousled hair struck a cord in her heart. She repressed the urge to merely demand him kiss her right then and there."

"A curly and tousled hair with the delicate color of a gentle touch of teal. It shines beautifully in the suns warming glow. A face that gives warmth to the worlds beings."

"Sliding open the windowsill, he stepped gingerly into the room, his black tousled hair a regular rats nest over his face, his three facial piercings gleaming dully in the bright moonlight."

"Clearly not completely human, this teenaged girl with brown tousled hair and green eyes was equipped with a dragon’s tail and talons."

"His tousled hair was alost glistening in the dim light, but that was because of the slowly freezing water still in the thick mop."

"Gulping he ran his hand through his tousled hair, messing it up further as he spotted Calista in front of the library."

"Nick ran a hand through his damp, tousled hair. He looked like shit. He felt like shit, too."

"His hair was tousled and shimmered in the growing sunlight, its soft feel beckoning her to touch it… just once."

I wish I had a bag of hair product swag to hand out to all these Sues who go around looking like poodles. All of this makes me feel that my own hair is inadequate. I want hair that says "come hither" to others, shows that I don't care about my appearence even though I'm still hot and it will be easily tamed when I run my hand through it. I can put up with all of this except for the bushy tail, knuckle spike and adorable overbite. Furries scare me.Have I mentioned that?